Chapter 84: Quarter-Century Crisis

I wish that when I was young I had a clear idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wish I had a clear idea when I was in college. Instead, I have always wandered without any specific direction. I’m going to be 25 years old in two weeks (which I would have actually forgotten but my sister-in-law was so kind as to remind me of how far away my birthday was). Since I am turning a quarter of a century old I got to thinking about what I have accomplished so far. I have a full time job where I have no clue what exactly I’m supposed to be doing, and wondering when it is going to start to actually require some effort on my part. I can say that I got my college education; I just can’t say that I’m actually putting it to good use. I have yet to have a job that required a bachelor’s degree. My first full time job could be attained with a high school education and my current job could be attained with an associate’s degree. I have always loved to write, but have never made much out of anything that I’ve written, nor do I think I have the internal motivation to make that happen, or the natural talent to sell anything. As expected another year has gone by completely devoid of romance, and the prospects for the coming year look dim. I honestly think that if I didn’t have this job, a dog, and a car payment that I might pack up and move on from here. I swear if the dynamics of my job don’t change soon I doubt I could last another year, I need more than this. I can’t waste my days blogging at work or counting furniture, rechecking addresses, or alphabetizing RSVP cards. I don’t like that I know the exact number of leather chairs in the office (57 by the way). Though I feel like a lot has changed since 12 months ago I’m still sitting here wondering when life is going to begin. I suppose you could say I’m going through a quarter century crisis.

Observations of my Cubicle Neighbors

I have a lot of time on my hands today as my boss is really busy. I've been trying to kill time by visiting other people and what would seem longer was only ten minutes. So I started to spin myself in my chair, as I was seeing my neighbor's cubicle over and over again I started to notice certain things that I hadn't seen before. Like the fact that he has a bottle with protein powder in it, so I figure that he's trying to bulk up and judging by the two big stacks of paper on his desk he either doesn't know how to file or his filing cabinet is too full. He's got a sweater that he must have brought last winter and has never bothered to take it home because I've never seen him touch it since I've started working here. Also, I ran into him and he's growing a mustach which I'm sure he calls a 'stach because it looks like he's getting ready to audition for a 70's sitcom. Then the other neighbor always has two cans of diet coke on his desk and it's next to impossible to tell if he gets new ones every day or if they are the same cans I noticed two and half months ago. However, this is the only part of his cubicle that I can peek into. Why is this day dragging? I still have 55 minutes to go until I can go do something productive.

Chapter 83: I think I'll go die now

Under the advice of Ducky (yes, I ended up telling Ducky) I have cancelled my plans with Mr. Collins, not only cancelled leaving open an opportunity to reschedule but I tried to make it clear that hanging out with him is not something I am interested in doing ever. I was going to call on my lunch break, but an hour and half before I went to lunch I started to feel like I was having an anxiety attack. I’m familiar with what my pseudo anxiety attacks feel like, I used to have them regularly when I lived in Idaho working in a deli and I was in love with the produce man. Every time I even glimpsed his profile my gut would ache and my hands shake, my face would be burning hot and I wanted to do nothing but drop dead where I stood. Many similar feelings today except there were some additives, such as my heart was beating rapidly through my kidneys rather than where it should have been in my chest and I became lightheaded whether I was standing or sitting, I’m not sure if putting my head through my knees would have worked because I was a little embarrassed to try at the office.
So lunch time came, I got home and had my phone out ready to call and then I called Ducky instead, I needed a pep talk. She tried her best but I couldn’t stop the aching in my stomach and this was something I would rather not have to do at all. I got a little mad at Mr. Collins for just not giving up pursuit three months ago like he should have, but then again, he has no idea that I ran away from home so I wouldn’t be there when he arrived for the first “date”. I got Newbie to help me with what to say too and then I remembered that he is on Facebook and started to wonder if dating etiquette had planned for the abundance of technological devices, if Mr. Collins can ask me to “hang out” and if he can use a GPS system to get his way around, why could I not use my greater communication skill of writing to let him down? I am not saying “great” skill, do not suppose I’m confident in this, just know it’s “greater” than my speaking ability. I asked my roommates if it was okay to send an e-mail and they both said it would be fine because he uses unconventional methods to ask girls out. So I started on the longest, shortest e-mail of my life. It was only a few lines but it took me over half and hour to write. I hate that I was put into this situation, I hate that I’m unprepared on how to let a guy down without sounding like you suspected it was a date. I hate myself.
I sat in front of the computer with an unchanged e-mail staring back at me, I hadn’t made any adjustments to it in a couple of minutes but I still read and reread it to make sure it was what I wanted to say, and of course it wasn’t what I wanted to say it was the polite version of what I wanted to say. In all I got advice from Ducky, Newbie, Motor Mouth, and Eeyore. Eeyore offered to write him an e-mail for me, also he told me to just tell him he makes me uncomfortable and to move out to Utah (that’s where Eeyore is). All offers were very tempting. What I wouldn’t give right now to feel like the right thing for me is to move, however, I don’t feel that way, so I am probably staying put for a long, long time. I told Newbie that I would probably stay here forever because I’m supposed to die here, and Mr. Collins will be there by my side, doing magic tricks. I finally closed my eyes and sent the message. Then I grabbed my purse and my cars keys and came back to work, feeling emotionally drained. The anxiety in the pit of my stomach is still present, but my heart has returned to its proper place and I’m not as lightheaded as I was before. I’m worried about what Mr. Collins response will be, if there is no response I’m relieved and yet worried he didn’t get it, also worried that I hurt him too much for him to respond, when really I’m hoping he’ll be too angry to respond, it’s always better to have someone angry at you rather then sad over something you said. Also if he does write back what will he say? He’d better have gotten the message, I can’t be a jerk twice (though in this I do have experience and am pretty certain that I would just because when someone doesn’t get it I lose it and say how I really feel just to ensure the point is getting across…why can’t I do this the first time? Because it feels like I’m overacting. Oh man, I’m burning up!!

Chapter 82: The Return of the List

It’s time to grow up and stop acting like a child. Mr. Collins has asked me to “hang out”. He caught me at a dance that I had no intention of attending in the first place, but was talked into going by some friends. For the most part I had fun. I got to see a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a long time, though I didn’t meet anyone new, which is what I was going for. But I wanted to just emphasize the fact that I did for the most part have a good time. We all got to dress up in nice clothes and do our hair and feel really pretty for one night. Everyone got on the dance floor for some song and before I knew it Mr. Collins was sitting next to me, why he wasn’t on the dance floor was beyond me. All night he had been a dancing fool going crazy with dance moves from who knows where. Newbie was helping me to avoid him most of the night and I have to say that she does a very good job; she’s definitely worth keeping around. At one point there was a slow song and I saw Mr. Collins walking right towards me, Newbie and I had been talking to a male acquaintance of ours, I would call him a friend except that I never hang out with him and don’t really know him that well, but in a moment of desperation I grabbed his arm and quietly (as quietly as one can in a crowded room with music blasting) if he wanted to dance. As we walked by Mr. Collins he said something like, “Oh you stole her, I was going to ask her to dance.” Like I want to be in such close proximity with Mr. Collins! Anyway, back to what I started. So there he was sitting next to me and I all I could think was, “Please don’t pull out any magic tricks.” We start talking which isn’t so bad, he asks me questions about how work is going, I shoot the breeze back, during the conversation several people came up and asked me to come dance with them, by people we are talking girls, during a fast song, who couldn’t use tact if they tried but I appreciate their efforts. I had to decline though, because their attempts were too obvious, I’m too freaking nice, and I had already stated quite vehemently that I do not enjoy dancing (and this was stated to Mr. Collins). Then he did it, he said, “We haven’t hung out in a while, I almost feel like you’re avoiding me,” let me interject here, that would be because I have been avoiding you. Also, who told guys to throw that in? He’s not the first guy in 2007 to say to a girl, “It’s almost like you’re avoiding me,” I skimmed through the “Dating 101” course guide and no where in there does it say to tell this to a girl. If you feel like a girl has been avoiding you, she probably has. To bring it to her attention in hopes that you’ll get an “of course not” or maybe in your wildest dreams a, “Oh no, I like you, I want to date you, why would I avoid you?” is some serious self deception. If she says that she hasn’t been avoiding you she’s just too nice to say that she has been. Really nothing is accomplished by this statement. So of course I said, “No, I haven’t been avoiding you,” and hoped that my smile covered my lie. Then he says, “We should hang out sometime.”When a guy asks you out you’re given the opportunity to say, “you know what? I’m not interested in you like that.” When a guy asks you to ‘hang out’ you can’t say that because then you either look like you’re reading into it, or you’re just a jerk who won’t even hang out with a guy. When you want to ask a girl out it should be clean, cut, direct, to the point. Don’t tip toe around the issue with friendship jargon, if friendship is not your intention then you sure as hell shouldn’t use the lingo for it! I ended up saying, “yeah, sure,” but it’s the “yeah, sure” that normal people give to each other when they haven’t seen each other in a long time and they say “we should hang out” because while both people may mean it to be nice and in most situations people actually want it to happen, both secretly know that it won’t. Apparently the understanding was only on my side of the conversation. So he says, “We’ll have to do it this week because I’m booked the rest of December.” What are you a motivational speaker traveling through the country? Well, if you’re so busy maybe we should do this in another lifetime, one where your every action doesn’t bother me. I was caught, if it’s this week then that doesn’t leave me much chance to hope he forgets, or to act like I forgot. I was a deer in headlights and I’m certain I had that facial expression too. Finally I tell him what I’m doing, I work in dates, not days, so I needed to know the dates of next week. I think he got confused and thought of other “dates” for a moment but then finally pulled out his phone calendar. Mr. Collins has no lack of technology in his life, from a GPS system that holds his hand around the city to a cell phone that lets him know his plans. So we look at the calendar and I really wish that hanging out with Ducky every night counted as “plans”. He points at Friday and says that day is no good, but the rest of the week is open. So I say, “Tuesday” might as well get it over with in the beginning of the week. He pauses, “oh, then we’d have to do it late because I’ll be driving back from somewhere (I don’t remember)” To which in my mind I thought to myself, “Well, then Tuesday doesn’t work for you either so maybe you should have mentioned that.” Finally he suggest Thursday and seeing as I actually don’t have any plans on Thursday I agree. Then he says, “So what do you want to do?” This question only solidifies that this is not a date because a date should be planned. Another little tip, if you want to ask a girl out why don’t you stop and think about what you want to take her out to do before you ask her. Nothing is more annoying then a guy asking you out and then expecting you to become co-partners in planning. If you don’t want to feel like you’re telling her what to do, think of something, and then ask the girl if that is okay. Anyway, not the point here.The point is, I haven’t told anyone about “hanging out” with Mr. Collins, because telling people has never helped me to follow through like a mature adult. Also, because I don’t want to talk about it, I’d rather just forget it until the day of, endure it and then forget it when it’s over. I hadn’t really thought about it until today, when I hadn’t heard from him and was hoping that he’d forgotten, or had a change of plans so couldn’t. I keep telling myself my plan of action, if he tries to act like this is a date I simply tell him that he did not ask me out on a date, he asked me to ‘hang out’ and friends ‘hang out’. Also, as far a Facebook is concerned I have a boyfriend, so there are my two lines of defense. The last time I had to tell it to someone straight about not being interested it was a 17 year old from work (Puppy Love), when I didn’t tell him exactly what I meant and tried to give too many reasons why I wouldn’t date him he found the loop holes. So eventually it will have to come down to, “I’m not interested in you like that.”Oh another thing, in 84% of cases when a girl says, “You’re a great guy,” she doesn’t really mean it, she’s just trying to be nice. Just thought I would debunk that myth.

Chapter 81: Curveballs

Why does life have to be so difficult, why does bad timing seem to always reign, and am I ever going to find a guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me? Will I always have to avoid the only guys interested in me because they aggravate me or are completely weird? On that note, Mr. Collins was at my house Monday night. We had a progressive dinner for church, so of course he was there, we love everyone right? My house was the place to go for dessert. I got stuck in a moment of conversation with him and he asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I told him that I was going to my parent’s and he asked where they live and such. I was very vague, I think my answer was, “not too far from here” and then I didn’t ask him what his plans were because knowing him he’d pull a magic trick on me and somehow get me to invite him over for dinner, which I would have to kill myself if that happened. So I avoided giving him any opportunity to do so. I just don’t understand why this guy doesn’t get it that I have no desire to even be friends with him. Then I hear later that he tried to enter into my roommate’s room! Heck no, that’s not cool, luckily someone was standing in the doorway and was oblivious to the fact that someone was trying to get by, even luckier, I had just left the room to go hide in my bedroom. My oldest sister is bugging me too. She’s one of those complainers that I have a hard time feeling sorry for, mostly because they aren’t the only ones going through a situation but they sure act like they are the only ones who have ever felt that kind of pain before. She also adds more drama than necessary to it. Now I’m dramatic but it’s all in good fun, hers is to elicit sympathy. She’s in town for the week, and every night I have invited her to come join the land of the living, but apparently being cooped up with my parents, Spam, and Burrito are actually more appealing to her. I know it’s mostly because I’m on the “singles scene” and she has withdrawn herself from it but then she expects me to withdrawal myself from it too! I just can’t do that, hanging out at my parent’s house listening to Spam and Burrito yell at each other and sitting on the couch while everyone watches T.V. is really not that appealing to me. I can only manage to do that on Sunday’s, any other day and I just can’t do it. I like hanging out with my friends, not only that but Eeyore is leaving soon and I know it sounds bad to choose a friend over family, but I may never see Eeyore again, I’m not that great at keeping in touch, and even though I don’t keep in touch with my sister very well we are bound together by blood and I will see her again. Besides, it’s not like I’m really choosing my friends over her, I have tried to invite her. And I know for a fact that she would do the exact same thing to me, she has. Did it matter that I was tired and wanted to sleep after a four hour drive? No, she had plans and I was coming along, and if I managed to get out of going with her she threw a fit like a spoiled brat. Sometimes she would seriously cry because I didn’t want to do something. She takes things too personally. Maybe it’s my distaste for clingy people, maybe I'm just a bad sister, I don't know.

Chapter 80: I Only Talk Mean

So Crunchy sends text messages periodically to act like he’s a good friend keeping in touch. I know for a fact however that these text messages are sent out in mass so therefore I never bother with a response. Yesterday however I got one from him asking if I was going to Oreo’s wedding (oh yeah, Oreo is getting married…so much for convincing her to move out east to be my roommate). I figure that it was safe to assume that this text message was personalized. So I wrote him back and said ‘yes’, to which he replies, “You live!” and I told him that ‘yes’ I was alive then I told him that I needed his address, (to send out my Christmas letters should I ever actually finish writing that thing). He writes back about how it’s for my wedding announcement…how great! I write back saying I’m not getting married I’m sending Christmas cards. He writes back saying “sad” and I stopped writing him. Obviously it is the dejection of the life that I call mine which kept him from keeping in better touch with me in the first place. Why bring up such painful memories for him?
Then last night he sent a text asking, “How’s life?” to which I did not reply because I was already ready for bed, so I wasn’t going to bother, it’s from Crunchy, it’s not urgent. Then this morning he writes, “So what’s up with you.” I’m sorry, but if you want to know what’s happening in my life then you’re going to have to respond to me when I sent you an e-mail, you’re going to have to show that you want to be my friend whether it’s on your time or mine! When he’s bored and no one is around is not the time for him to start trying to contact me, I am not interested in being that friend that you keep in touch with because you’re the only one left in a town you should have moved out of upon graduation and just because Thanksgiving is coming up and the 18 year olds that he is used to hanging out with have all probably already gone home for the holiday. That is not the time to start communicating with me, the time to start communicating with me was to start with an apology for never coming to say ‘goodbye’ before I left, an apology for not bothering to travel a few hours when I have flown across the country and am only a 3 or so hour drive (as opposed to a two and half day drive). I will not be responding to group texts, I will not even waste a text message to tell you how I’m doing, because honestly, I don’t have that many available to me in my plan. I texted him back and told him that I didn’t have a lot of text messages on my plan so could he tell me his e-mail address so I could write him then. So what did he say back? He said, “Same as always.” Oh okay, let me just blow away the dust and cobs webs from that crevasse of my brain where I decided to store your e-mail address in case one day I should decide to make contact when I am so bored and lonely that in a fit of delirium I think that it’s still okay to try and keep in touch with you! So I sent an e-mail to an address that may or may not be him because to be honest I can’t remember his e-mail, and if he really wants to know how my life is or what’s up with me then he can e-mail me first (if mine doesn’t go to him). I know that he probably assumed I had access to my normal e-mail address and could just look up his address, but I’m angry with him regardless so it just gave me a specific to channel my anger towards.

Chapter 79: My Day At Work

This morning I looked over Ducky’s resume and made a few suggestions, I rescheduled some people for a mandatory class that they missed yesterday, and again today. Hopefully not tomorrow since it’s the last day for the classes. I also ordered books for people, talked to Potty Mouth at the front desk and went on two breaks with Grouchy. I don’t mind going on “breaks” with Grouchy except for the fact that when she is smoking I manage to find myself a good position where the smoke won’t come blowing on me and making me smell bad and then she moves! And when she moves the smoke comes in clouds at me. I don’t even know how this started, when did we become friends? I can’t remember. I’m not saying that I mind Grouchy, considering her natural disposition things could be worse, I should just be happy that she likes me, but part of me hopes that the new person they hire for that position doesn’t smoke.
I’ve been to every floor but the fourth today (and I took the stairs every time) and that’s probably because I’ve never been to the fourth floor. I’ve gone upstairs to see Bubbles countless time, each time I had an excuse, which surprised me, but the thing about excuses, they usually don’t give you a good enough reason to be standing around talking. I’ve scanned things, signed people up for life insurance, went to visit IT Guy and get him to tell me his salary (I love my position in the company I get to find out what everyone makes).
Finally it was time for lunch. On my break I went home and tried to clean up a little, I don’t know how much it helped but I got most of my clothes put away and washed another load…it really is a never ending job.
After lunch I cleaned my desk space, I had been walking around earlier with Potty Mouth and noticed how other people had their desks set up and mine was by all accounts filthy. So I straightened things and threw things away and rearranged a little bit and now it looks almost good enough to compete in the clean cubicle contest. I wrote down my thoughts about office politics which took a good 20 minutes. I talked to Book Order and she has an intense personality, reminds me a lot of an old roommate who I don’t believe ever had a nickname here. Got things squared away with her and then I tried for 10 minutes to get on the health insurance website so that I could look at my fitness account, but it didn’t seem to recognize the user id that it gave me yesterday! So I gave up on that and then I spent a good hour researching the history of paper clips. Very interesting stuff. Sometimes I wish that I could just leave for the day, walk out to my car an hour early because chances are no one will even notice if I do. But I know that the day I finally decide to do that will be the day that someone comes looking for me in the last two hours of work. I just spent 10 minutes not helping Grouchy do something. I kind of just stood their and took away from her oxygen supply. I have thirty-five minutes remaining and I need to find something to read or research. I have Friday off this week and just can’t wait until tomorrow is over so I can start a long weekend.

Chapter 78: Why Normal Guys Don't Finish First Either

I can’t stand that boys waste so much time and energy on video games. Honestly, in 5 years from now what are you going to regret more, not playing a video game or not spending time cultivating relationships with your friends? These boys I know have been obsessed with Call of Duty 4. Bachelor #1 told me that they have been playing it every night for the past week, one night they played until six in the morning. I have one word for you pathetic. When he told Motor Mouth she said that they were all losers and needed girlfriends. It was the bravest thing I had heard all night and I had never been more proud of her. At that moment I was honored to call her my roommate.

Speaking of guys getting girlfriends, why in the world are they expecting the girls to do all the work? "Any takers?" lame. Why can't the guys just ask a girl out? Bachelor #1 isn't in my burn book because he handled me asking him out well, but I remember what he said in the e-mail, that he should have asked me. Well...why didn't he? Why did he have to wait for me to consider him for a possible date and ask him out? A guy should never make a girl wait until she collects the courage to break away from the norms and traditions of her upbringing, if he wants to go on a date with her he should stop assuming that she's got ESP and just ask her out! In that respect he has lost points, but he is also in my made up land of Buddyland, and there he shall stay, so the points are completely meaningless for him. But guys in general need to step it up or they are going to find themselves single and in their 40's wishing that they had asked the girls out when they still had something going for them. No one's going to want them with their gaming guts sagging over their waistline.

In other news I saw Mr. Collins tonight at the party (where I learned of the excessive video game play). It was weird because I have this innate desire to be nice to everyone (though I can't seem to muster up that desire when I'm writing) but I also didn't want to talk to him at all. It was quite the internal struggle. He had called earlier this week inviting me to go ice-skating Friday and told me to give him a call if I was interested, which I wasn't, so I didn't call. I just feel that if he gets me in person and asks me to do something I'm going to have to be rude to his face because honestly, if he hasn't picked up by now I don't think ignoring his existence is going to do the trick. At the party I barely said anything to him, I even walked away several times. He made me do a magic trick, which was cool, but I tried not to act like I thought it was cool because I think he tries to use magic to seduce people, and quite frankly, I'm not seducible. I finally got tired of avoiding him and just left the party, at least I had some fun while I was there.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Series One: Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Nice guys. Who are they? Where do they come from? Why is it that they finish last? We all know nice guys, they are sweet, sometimes quiet, respectful and of course, nice. They are the kind of guys you wouldn’t mind taking home to meet your mother. They probably send you roses, help with the dishes, and own a dog, scratch that, no pets. Nice guys are people pleasers and they do a good job at it, they have no problem charming the masses, so why is it that they have such a bad rap?

Who Are The Nice Guys?
To really get down to why nice guys finish last we should first take a look at a few famous nice guys. Real life or fictional, nice guys have a lot in common. We trust nice guys; they are the boy next door, somebody who could possibly be on your dating list. First, there’s the adorable Norman Bates with his shy idiosyncrasies (or quite possibly plain and simple anti-social behaviors), his sweet tooth, and pleasant smile. Then there’s the charismatic Ted Bundy with his do-gooder life saving skills at the crisis center, his charming looks, and quirky sense of humor. Albert DeSalvo the small time thief with his gentle manners, muscular build, and of course wife and two kids. And last but not least (at least for this essay) we have John Norman Collins, the handsome, athletic, honor student from Eastern Michigan University.
Bachelor Number One:

Norman Bates, our Delegate for fictional nice guys. He owns his own home and he runs the family business. Of course his establishment hasn’t been raking in the dough for the last couple of years, but that’s mostly due to poor location. He’s sweet and polite of course but as with everyone he has a few flaws such as his jealousy and his propensity to be a peeping tom.
Bachelor Number Two:

Ted Bundy, born on the East Coast but raised in the west Ted Bundy volunteers at the crisis center, is studying law amongst other things, dabbles in politics and is great with children. He has a witty sense of humor and he’s incredibly stealthy; you’ll hardly ever know he’s there. Two things he really loves are traveling and hiking. Some things he shouldn’t love, strangling and mutilating women.
Bachelor Number Three:

Albert DeSalvo the decent family man is technically not a bachelor, he’s married with two young children, but that hasn’t stopped him from being a charming ladies man. He’s handy to have around the house for leaky faucets and other small household repairs. With his muscular build and white smile you’re sure to feel safe letting him into your home.
Bachelor Number Four: John Norman Collins, it’s always easier to trust a man with three names rather than one with two. You’ve probably seen John out on the baseball field as the star pitcher or on the football field as a tri-captain. He’s handsome, polite, respectful, and nice. He’s also an honor roll student. Don’t worry about this one being shy ladies, he dates the co-eds regularly.

Where Do They Come From?
Now that we’ve met our nice guys the question is where do they come from? Geographically the question has a very generic answer; they come from all over the world. No one area seems to have a greater share of nice guys than the other areas, however, as far as famous nice guys the western United States seems to be producing more than others, or maybe there are just more books written about them.
In another sense however they all tend to come from homes that are what we would call ‘broken’. Their mothers’ marriage has a lot to do with their behavior as adults, as well as their feelings towards their mothers.
Norman Bates and his mother had an attention-grabbing relationship when he admits that a son is a poor substitute for a lover, and yet after his father dies his mother and him were inseparable all alone in that infamous house. When she finds herself an actual lover he couldn’t help but become jealous and angry at the prospect of being tossed aside. The guilt causes him to take on the “mother side” and have dual personalities for the rest of his life.
Ted Bundy and his mother had an interesting relationship in the early years of his life, they were brother and sister as far as the eyes of the community went and also even within the household, until at the age of 6 his “sister” moved him across the country away from the only parent’s he had ever known. She married a man by the last name “Bundy” and Ted took the name and soon made it infamous.
Albert DeSalvo and his mother had something in common; they were both abused by his father. Mr. DeSalvo would make the children watch as he beat their mother, shattering teeth and breaking fingers.
John Norman Collins may not be talking about his relationship with his mother but he likes to show how he feels about her by doing what the cops call ‘overkill’ with his victims. His father ran off when he was young and his mother married a second time for a short while. The third husband turned out to be abusive and an alcoholic and even though that marriage had ended when John was 9 years old it may have already been too late for his developing psyche.

Why Do They Finish Last?
We have already established the answer as to why the nice guys always finish last. If famous nice guys the world over are simply famous based upon the fact that they are creeps it’s a little understandable why nice young men in real society would have difficultly securing a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
As it would seem, nice guys aren’t always nice. Somehow they are driven to be pleasing to those around them, is it a façade or duel personalities? It may be the greatest strategic move ever, or some flaw in the mechanics of human existence. Everything about them may seem attractive and wholesome, but deep down something just doesn’t feel right, is it really possible to be that nice, or is it just in our nature as humans to expect that someone couldn’t be that nice, because everyone needs to have some flaws? Does the true “nice guy” even exist?
To all those “nice guys” out there who finish in last place in the race of life and dating: it’s a little difficult to finish first when you take a detour to kill an unsuspecting victim.

Chapter 77: Stop Me if You've Heard This

This past Saturday night I got a flat trying to get out of my driveway. I’m going to spare (no pun intended) you the details because I am over it but to make a long story short I ran into the ditch, hit a broken piece of concrete just right and killed the tire. So I called Ducky and she came over and talked me through it which I thoroughly enjoyed because now I can say that I changed my own tired, self sufficiency here I come! So today I took my car to Pep Boys to get a new tire and maybe an oil change while I’m at it. While I was there I think I got hit on by one of the mechanics. Now I’m not altogether opposed to mechanics, there’s actually something very appealing about that oil stained hands baseball hats. My uncle’s a mechanic; my favorite cousin on my dad’s side is a mechanic. I’ve just never been hit on by one, which means I’ve never been hit on by one of those really attractive ones that I’m not altogether opposed to. Today was not the day where we find me in a situation where I’m waiting to be hit on and we don’t find the mechanic as the most appealing, probably because to me he is old enough to be friends with my dad, I say my dad’s friend rather than my dad because let’s face it, my dad is old. Regardless he has hit an age that is beyond my limit. I was standing there while he was taking lunch orders from the other guys and things quite down for a bit and he asks me how I’m doing. I politely answer back and ask him how he’s doing. I make small talk; I’m used to making small talk with strangers due to my former employment opportunities. He asks me if I want anything from the place he is going to get everyone else’s lunch and I tell him my sister is coming to pick me up so that’s okay, but thank you. Then one of the other guys starts giving him a hard time because he had complained about everyone else giving him orders but here he was asking a stranger. Someone else said something about flirting and I just tried to ignore all of that. Then I left and met my sister out in the parking lot, and the mechanic came out a couple of seconds later and told me to have a good day and waved and all. It was weird. But I don’t know if he is just that friendly or if I got hit on.
I have to go back after work and pick up my car and I kind of hope that he won’t be there, not that he was a creepy man or anything like that, but I find that whatever happened there this afternoon (someone being friendly or someone being flirty) makes me feel uncomfortable, and I’d rather avoid any future occurrences of that.
In the meantime yet another pair of pantyhose has gone to a better place. We went to the “pumpkin patch” (A.K.A. Strange’s (flowers)) today to get our pumpkins for our activity on Friday (at work). We first went to Wal-Mart and since they had a total of three pumpkins we called around and ended up at the flower shop, they had a million pumpkins! I think mostly because they over charge people, but whatever, my opinion doesn’t lower prices. We got 14 pumpkins and on the way back we took a turn and a pumpkin stem hit me in the leg, ripping my pantyhose, I know, late breaking story huh?
Also, since we are wondering about my wardrobe malfunctions I have fixed my squeaky shoes. My right shoe would squeak causing me to begin to walk funny in order to reduce the volume of the squeakiness. I did a little scientific investigation in the whys of my shoe squeaking problem, the first obviously being the width of my hobbit feet, the second I found that there is a lining made out of the same material as the shoe that rubs up against the shoe due to the width of my feet. Then I found that if pulled upon there can be space between these two pieces. So I grabbed a tissue, ripped it up and stuck little pieces all throughout, now I can sneak up on just about anybody!

Chapter 76: Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

There are some people in this life who are contrary just for the sake of being contrary. Do they play well with others? No. Am I happy with those individuals at the moment? No. Do I wish that it was within my power to make them do things my way? Yes.
Let me start off with a story of how my morning went. First, I woke up at 7:05, not because of my alarm but because someone was being very loud as they left the house. I looked at the clock which is set 10 minutes too fast and realized that my alarm would be going off soon. Instead of being productive and getting up early since I was somehow blessed to wake up on my own, I rolled over and thought it would be nice to get 10 extra minutes of sleep. I woke up again and looked at my clock and it read 8:45, meaning in real time it was 8:35 and I’m supposed to be at work at 8:00. I jump out of bed, throw on a sweater and a skirt, eat a cookie for breakfast because it happened to be there, and then throw on my shoes grab my keys and run out the door. I brushed my hair in the car and pulled it back. Luckily most people are on time to work and the traffic was minimal and I got mostly green lights on the way, oh yeah, and I live 5 minutes from work so that’s another positive thing. I get to work and just hope that no one noticed that I was late. I sign into my e-mail and have 12 new messages, this is new. But 3 of them were a chain of e-mails that had started around 8:35 (hmm…interesting, that’s exactly when I woke up). So I read them and it had to do with something yesterday that I should have done but it didn’t work so I went into my boss’ office and tell her I’m sorry and she tells me that I don’t need to be sorry because I’m still learning. So I took the apology back. She must have thought I was dying though because I was sweating and I was light headed because I had just woken up maybe 15 minutes before and I had run up the stairs in twos. So I go back to my desk and get to work. Now, on with the day.
At work we have a little situation. I schedule interviews with people, and then I get the managers to agree to give those interviews. Today I got an e-mail from a young man who has decided to accept another offer at a different company. He was writing to let me know, and since his interview was schedule for this Thursday I thought that we could bump up some interviews that had to be pushed back to the following week or even the week after. This is not an easy process, although it should be! Considering the fact that every single manager had already accepted the original Thursday interview without any problems I thought this would be a painless, seamless, process. All I had to do was insert the other interviewee into the original Thursday spot. Again, everyone had accepted. So I first cancel the old one so not to confuse myself. I updated the interviewee that I was bumping up and then I sent out the new interview invitations. I shouldn’t call them invitations, it sounds so pleasant, I think they should understand that I am demanding this. So there is this manager, let’s call her L.B. (took the name from Ducky, it stands for ‘Little Bitch’, but since I am trying not to cuss I will call her L.B. like Linden B. Johnson…minus the ‘J’). Anywho, so L.B. declines the invitation! I double check what I had for Thursday; she had indeed accepted the original request for Thursday at 1PM. I had just cancelled the old one, how did she come up with something to do so quickly. Of course, she didn’t put her reasons for not accepting, which is what polite, nice, individuals do, mostly because they actually have a valid excuse, but L.B. doesn’t have an excuse, I’d bet my next paycheck on it! She just doesn’t want to do it! You know what I want to say to her? I want to tell her to suck it up! I do things every day that I don’t want to do but I do it because it’s my job! Stop being so freaking immature, grow up and take responsibility! These people need to be interviewed and you are not allowed to hit that damned decline button!

Chapter 75: Catch and Release

I never wrote about the date with Mr. Collins, maybe that would have been nice of me to keep people updated. Granted it’s already been a week and I currently have difficulties with my memory, not as bad as Ducky, but still, so if details are left out or if you don’t get the full effect of the date then I’m sorry. Mr. Collins was off to a rough start on Friday evening. See, Bachelor #2 turns out to be a tough guy to have to go on a double date with, meaning that Bachelor #2 is charming enough to go on a date with two girls at once. The type of date a girl wouldn’t mind being the 3rd wheel to. Anyway, Bachelor #2 was running late and he called Ducky to let her know this, he still showed up before Mr. Collins by maybe 2 or 3 minutes but they arrived at the front door at the same time (#2 parked somewhere else). Did I receive a call from Mr. Collins? No, and you would think that since I ran away from home once when he was late he would call to ensure that I didn’t run again. While waiting my roommates, Ducky, Uncle Jellybean, and I planned our course of action if he was 15 minutes late. We’d run out the door, go to where we were going to eat, Uncle Jellybean would fill in as my date and conveniently squeeze Mr. Collins out of the picture. But as I already said #2 and Mr. Collins came through the door together.
Ducky is an amazing individual, have I ever said that before? She somehow influenced the entire group to ride in my car, leaving me as the driver and plenty of distance between Mr. Collins and myself. #2 opened the door for Ducky and I quickly went to my door to not give Mr. Collins a chance to open it. When we arrived at the restaurant I quickly got out of the car and hurried towards the door so as not to give him a chance again. He actually picked up the pace and jogged a few steps to “beat” me, which he didn’t, to the door. He mentioned something about it and I just smiled like I had no idea that’s what he was trying to do. We sit down at our booth for dinner (I usually like booths, but I wanted more than anything at that moment to be at a table) and of course I have to sit by Mr. Collins who makes himself a little too comfortable, ever hear the saying, “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us?” I almost wanted to say that the bench wasn’t. It’s not that I need a lot of room to spread out, I just need some space. Thank goodness that Ducky and #2 were there because Ducky actually engaged Mr. Collins in conversation, very impressive on her part. Then #2 started to and then they got me to. I mostly jumped in when Ducky was telling #2 about our plans for next Friday because I did not want Mr. Collins coming along. I think I distracted him enough. During dinner Mr. Collins didn’t pull out one magic trick, granted he talked an awful lot about video games and practicing magic, but he didn’t grace us with any tricks during the meal. I was grateful.
On the car ride from dinner to the theater somehow Mr. Collins attention came to the fact that I don’t like dancing. He asked if it was because I didn’t know how or if I really didn’t like it. I told him I really didn’t like it, I’m not comfortable with dancing; during dinner Mr. Collins had stated how much he liked dancing. Oops.
We get to the theater about an hour too early and we also see that the movie playing is not the movie we thought it was going to be, but we took a vote and decided to walk around and come back to see the one they had scheduled. Walking and talking was not on my agenda for the evening and I would have much rather been able to simply walk with Ducky, or even #2, but I endured and it wasn’t all that bad, not as bad as I had dreaded it would be.
Where we were walking there happened to be a lot of Oriental rug shops and every time we passed one he would state what type of shop it was and ask if I thought that they would have a flying carpet. I said ‘no’ because I was not about to humor him. He asked why not and I said because it said it on their disclaimer. We went through this with about three stores when he finally says, “I don’t think you mean disclaimer, a disclaimer is if they say if you get hurt while flying on a flying carpet we are not responsible” then he proceeded to tell me that what I meant was a ‘notice’. Don’t tell me what I meant to say, I meant to say disclaimer, whether or not I had the definition correct it was still what I meant to say. If he knew what I meant to say then why didn’t he just let it go, what kind of chances do you think you have for a second date by trying to make me feel stupid? Besides if we are going to get all technical in this conversation why don’t you think about what you meant to say, I’m pretty sure an intellectual genius would know better than anyone else that flying carpets aren’t oriental! They’re Persian you nitwit! Why is it that the whole conversation felt like something I would have with The Antagonizer in my Rexburg residence?
Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’m leaving things out, but like I said in my disclaimer in the beginning (and yes, I know it wasn’t a disclaimer but screw you) I’m bound to have forgotten details.
We go get in line for the movie and Collins pulls out his first and only magic trick of the evening, which involved his movie ticket (which Ducky paid for thank goodness). I told him I could see the ticket and then he goes off about how people are always trying to accuse him of trying to deceive them, which wasn’t what I was doing, I just felt good that I had seen it. I told him I wasn’t trying to accuse him, and then the rest of the conversation is a blur, wouldn’t have helped writing this sooner either, I think it was a blue from the moment it happened. I already explained earlier on the date that I would be sitting next to Ducky; I had said it more of as a warning so he would understand when we made an obvious switch to make sure we were sitting next to each other. He sat on the right side and Ducky on the left (good thing too because of her bad ear). He immediately put his arm over the back of my chair and I don’t know if he was doing it intentionally and with a purpose or if he was, as usual, making himself comfortable and me totally uncomfortable. I was leaning forward most of the time and when I wasn’t I wouldn’t let my back touch the seat. The movie was actually pretty good and I fell in love with the hero of the story even though he had long hair, but he wouldn’t be the first that that’s happened with.
Car ride home I don’t think anything special happened. When we got to the house I was ready to make a clean cut and go. Collins got out of the car and #2 and Ducky did as well, but they were standing back a little and I panicked, why weren’t they coming? I later found out from Ducky that it was because she wanted Collins to know that this date was over. So I had to braved the walk to the door on my own. He thanked me for the date blah, blah and then gave me a hug. I didn’t want to give the hug but I did anyway. Overall though the date wasn’t bad but I didn’t fall in love either, or even in like.
Then Sunday rolls around, two days after the date. I went to church late (on purpose) and got to sit Collins’ free except that he was a pew away and I got to see that he had his arm around another girl! I was excited to say the least, if things panned out with this girl I was in the clear and even if they didn’t I could act the jealous type and tell him I never want to see him again. I had an out either way. Turns out that he really had his arm around her, not like me in the movie theater, and they were holding hands at some point and I think the rumor was that he was rubbing her arm too. I think I am officially off the hook.

Chapter 74: Rage-oholics Anonymous

Last night, scratch that, yesterday was difficult for me. Sometimes I’m unsure of what is wrong with me, but I think it all boils down to being a girl. I knew the day would be rough in the early hours while I was getting ready for work. Now, I must have blocked exactly what happened from my memory because the only thing I really remember is thinking, ‘if it’s already happening the whole day will be effected’, what exactly ‘it’ is I’m unsure.
At work I had to schedule a bunch of interviews, about 8 or 9 of them, and the schedule kept getting thrown out of whack. A project that I thought would take half an hour to an hour went from 8:30 to 12:15. The afternoon went much better but I was still happy for the day to be over. When I got home I went to talk to Diva for awhile. Diva, Ducky, and I were going to carpool to our sports night activity. I would say at the last minute, but it wasn’t the last minute, Diva bailed. I was on the phone with Ducky at the time and complained about how I was surrounded by flakes. Ducky and I set up a time to met so we could still carpool and then I went to talk to Diva some more. While we were sitting there MM came upstairs to tell Diva that Jellybean wanted the two of them to sing in her wedding (Jellybean is getting married by the way in case I never mentioned that). MM went downstairs to grab the tape player and bring up the music so that Diva and she could “listen” to it. When she was gone I looked at Diva and almost asked if she was sure that she didn’t want to come, but I didn’t say anything.
I went to Ducky’s place and I was running a little late. When I pulled into the parking lot I couldn’t see Ducky’s car and I half wondered if she wasn’t even there. So I pulled up to my usual parking spot (the curb because parking at Ducky’s is dismal) and I whipped out my cell phone to give her a ring. She didn’t pick up. A momentary splash of Rage-ohol to my face. I sat there contemplating what to do, I was already late so if I waited too long we would both be late to the activity, and we had the keys and has to set up for it. So I finally decided to call again. This time she picked up and I asked her where she was and she said she was at home but had moved her car so I could park in her spot. I told her I had found one and was waiting. We hung up but I think we forgot the important part of establishing whether or not I was coming in or she was coming out. I had backed up my car to be in front of her door and I was waiting for her to come out and I could have sworn (at the time) that she said she’d be right out. I waited a little bit longer and still no sign that she was coming out. So I called her again, turns out she thought I was coming in and that I had just had to park really far away. At which point I doubted myself, maybe I had said that I was going to come in. But we finally were both in the car and headed out. Then we had to drive down my most despised road in Richmond, Virginia to get there. As an afterthought I remembered a different way I could have taken to get there. I got stuck behind this white van and it was ticking me off, Ducky said something about how it probably wasn’t trying to bother me but I pointed out that after he had switched lanes right as I was about to he continued to not pass the car that he had been behind. Why switch lanes if you don’t pass or make a turn off the road? If you’re going to stay on the cars bumper you might as well do it from behind not from the side. I have horrible road rage once a month.
I was still a bit peeved about the amalgamation of small stresses throughout the day when we finally got to the church building. I had already decided that I was going to be mad if no one showed up (which by the way is no way to go through life, making predictions that could very well come through has never brought me an ounce of happiness, but it does save me from hurting too much when the disappoint rolls in). What a surprise then when no one did show up! It was just Ducky and I. We started to shoot some hoops and then Ducky says that we need to discuss Ireland. See, many moons ago, Ducky and I had decided to go to Ireland because we were both tired of being people who will say that we will do something and then end up not doing it. The moment that she said that we needed to discuss it I said, “It’s not going to happen, I know.” She asked how I knew and I said, “Because I know people”. I didn’t mean it to be a personal attack, it was simply a statement. I think that there is something that is encoded on every person’s DNA that makes us susceptible to flakiness, just like with addictions or cancer, some people are more likely to have problems with it then others, but in the end we could all easily have problems with it some are just worse off from the get-go. Is this making sense? Ducky went to play the piano not long after I said that, and part of me worries that I did offend her, it was not my intention, however by filter burst and I haven’t been able to control too much lately. So much so that I didn’t issue an apology to her for it.
While I was alone in the gym I took the opportunity to think, which is probably something I shouldn’t do. I wasn’t upset about not going to Ireland; I really did already figure out that it wasn’t going to happen. I think I knew back in September anyway, it’s why I didn’t really tell that many people. Most of the people who knew were told by my mom which is why I don’t really tell her things. Oh, I just had an epiphany; MM will some day have daughters who won’t tell her anything that they don’t want the whole ward to know. I am of course in no way comparing my mom to MM; my mom is way more entertaining. Focus. I wasn’t upset about Diva not coming to the activity, or no one for that matter. I wasn’t really upset at anything, though I felt I had to be angry at something. So I just played a little harder at basketball and forgot to think about anything except how much I such at playing.
When Ducky came back in we were talking about a series of books we had read which lead to a slight conversation about Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie, it’s a classic, if you haven’t seen it you should) then we ended up talking about TDH for some reason, I can’t remember why, but knowing me I probably brought it up. I think I have explained how seeing him is my incentive for losing weight, but I have been emotionally eating lately that I’ll be lucky if I maintain my watermelon shape (right now it’s one watermelon, it could easily turn into two at the rate I’m going). It’s been three weeks now since I last saw him. I told Ducky that it was never going to happen, I’ll never see him again, and when I said the words I really believed them, if I stuck to the course I was on I never would see him again, and then I told her that it is probably for the best. I will never be with him, and wanting to be with him hurts so much (when I let myself think about it), so I should just get over it. Why would he ever be interested in me?
On the drive home I drove too fast and was a little too quite. I didn’t mean to be, but when I get into certain moods it’s hard for me to pull out of them. Instead of going straight to Ducky’s house I stopped by Wal-Mart, not my usual favorite place to go, but the one by her house isn’t so bad. Unfortunately my reason for going was bad, I was stocking up to emotionally eat. Before we even got anywhere I saw a movie that someone had misplaced and I picked it up, it’s a movie that highly disturbed me but I liked so I kept it and intended to buy it, hoping it had come from the $5 bin. I grabbed a bag of chips and a cake mix (which I had no intention of eating at the time, I just like to have cake mixes around for a rainy day). Then Ducky asked if we could go by and look at the movies even though I had mine picked out. So we looked around and she picked up one of those two in one deals and then we went to the $5 bin. Big mistake. So we were digging through and I found three other movies I wanted, one of which happened to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was elated; we had just been talking about it, so I took it as a sign that I had to own it. Ducky was upset and asked me to help her find a copy. We were digging through again and I told her that it was unlikely that we would be able to find one in the huge bin, then, just as I had given up I pulled up a movie and it happened to be another copy! So I handed it to her and we merrily skipped back towards the registers. We stopped by the candy aisle though because even though I had four new movies I needed some white chocolate. Then we went to the registers and I mentioned the fact that I was buying 4 movies. Ducky said that she thought we each should just get three and I thought she was trying to get me to choose one to put back because she had her three movies in her hand. I told her ‘no’ four good selections that stumbled upon by chance? I wasn’t going to take the risk of never seeing them in the $5 bin again, I did that before and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Okay maybe not the biggest.
We go through the checkout and got back to Ducky’s apartment, we watch the best television show ever and afterwards we start talking about something. She said something , I honestly can’t remember, but I think it was an attack and I reminded her that I found her a copy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She shoots back, “yeah but you kept it for yourself!” I was dumbfounded, two copies, I had found two copies, one for myself and the other for her. I told her to look at her movies that she bought at the store. She picked them up and looked at the covers and was more then a little embarrassed. She’s done this once before, she may or may not have a brain tumor, but I told her that was my gig so she’ll have to get over it and come up with some other ailment.
As I was leaving Ducky’s I mentioned to her to try and get her ticket for this haunt thing we planned to go to Friday night. I have a ticket that was meant for Ducky but out of pride she will not accept it, (however, though I say ‘out of pride’ which may have negative connotations attached but not by me), I back her up 100%. She told me she would call in the morning and again the little negative aspect of my personality already knows it’s sold out and she won’t be coming and it will just be me and this dreary individual who purchased the tickets. Still there is still an ounce of hope that she’ll get one, otherwise I wouldn’t have reminded her. I finally leave Ducky’s to go home only to find that once I get there my house key is no longer on my key chain. Diva was home and luckily I had my phone so I called her but she didn’t pick up. I left a voicemail message that may or may not have come across the wrong way, I was mad at myself for having lost my keys and I was worried that my tone in the voicemail may have come across as me being mad at her, which I am not. Luckily most of my anger is really just at myself. I knocked on the door but felt like I was waking up the whole neighborhood so I sat on the porch, wondering if I had the patience to wait for MM or Jelly Bean to get home. I decided that I did not and I called Diva again. She picked up and sounded slightly confused (come to find out she hadn’t heard the voicemail yet so that would explain it) She hadn’t been near her phone the first time I called. She let me in, I let my dog out, and then I vented.
After venting MM and Jellybean came home, needless to say I was still pretty peeved about my evening and recent venting session with Diva. Jellybean asked me if I wanted my clothes from the dryer, so I came and got those and then I asked MM how Frisbee was because she had gotten a group together to play Frisbee rather then coming to the activity. She said it was good and asked how the activity went, I said it didn’t. I may or may not have snapped at her and said things that this morning I regretted. She will be issued an apology by post, mostly because I think it would be nice to get a letter in the mail that isn’t a bill. Speaking of which I need to write that. Oh and did I mention that I got an e-mail from my brother and I went over my texts...again.
After all of this I get online and I talk to Eeyore (as much talking as can be expected when engaged in a conversation with him). I wrote him first this time because on Facebook he was leaving all the Richmond groups, he had changed his network, and his status said that he was sad. I asked him if he was moving. He said he didn’t know and I told him he sure made it look like he knew. Then I asked him to not take offense but asked him if he needed help. I really do think we are dealing with a severely depressed individual here. He said ‘no thanks’ and I just mentioned that I wasn’t talking about with moving. I even offered to put him on my dating list if that would make him happy. I do worry about him, but also Eeyore is a strange kind of contagion. His mood can greatly affect yours if you’re not careful. You hate him (not him but what he does) sometimes and you just want to cut him off, but then you can’t help but feel the pull on your heart strings. He’s like a little child in some ways, a depressed little child who needs someone to take care of him and since most women have that innate maternal instinct I think I’m safe to say that I’m not the only person who feels this need to help him.
Oh by the way, I kept meaning to call Bachelor #1 and see if he still wanted to go out this weekend and kept letting other things get in the way. So instead of calling him super late last night I e-mailed him, intending to call him tomorrow but just letting him know I haven’t forgotten. I wrote that if he was still interested in going out this weekend that Saturday would be best and that we could either go bowling or to the batting cages. He wrote back almost instantly and told me where so batting cages were that we could go to, which I’m figuring means that Saturday is good and that’s what we’ll be doing. Then he wrote back again asking if I had asked because of his status. So I had to check his status on Facebook which said that he was wondering where the girl for him was. I didn’t really know how to take that so I wrote him back and said, “oh, I hadn’t seen your status, funny how the timing worked out on that.” Not really sure what my answer means either. This is the problem with me, I don’t know what people mean, not even myself. Then I ask if 6 or 7 works on Saturday and asked if I should pick him up (since I asked him out I fully intend to be in charge of this date though I do happen to give him a lot of options). He said I could pick him up if that’s what I wanted to do but either way was fine and that 7 worked better. Then he e-mailed me again later and said, “I have to ask, why me?” to which my initial reaction was, ‘why do you have to make it sound like I’m torturing you?’ I finally decided to tell him that I didn’t know him very well and I was being more proactive about my life and decided to get to know him better, though I took more time and thought into exactly how to say it so trust me when I say it sounded more put together when I sent it to him. The moment I hit the sent button I thought of a better response. I should have just said, “Why not you?” But I am the queen of afterthought lately. Regardless I get this reply back, and I am going to just paste it verbatim, “Ok. I should have asked you out earlier. I guess I hoped that always showing you I realize you are around when I Tell You "HI" you would say something or ask me out. I'm a loser.”
I didn’t know how to react to that. Yes, he is a loser for not asking me out sooner, but that’s a natural byproduct of procrastination. However, part of me knows that if he had asked me he wouldn’t stand much of a chance. I had to be the one to ask him in this situation. And what does he mean by, ‘I guess I hoped that always showing you I realize you are around”, like I’m some troubled teen who acts out because my parent’s treat me like I’m invisible, "I see you Annie!" (sorry movie qoute). Yet at the same time that I am so cynical I actually kind of think it’s sweet. I wrote back and told him he wasn’t a loser (I figured leaving someone hanging on an ending note like that wouldn’t be a polite thing to do) and then I mentioned that I just don’t noticed things very well but it must have worked because I asked him out. Seriously whatever he did had to work because when I first thought up my list of bachelors he was the first to come to mind. Strange how all the guys lately seem to have their magical powers out, the power of suggestion with Bachelor #1 and the hypnosis that got me to go out with Mr. Collins last week. Very interesting. All I can say is that Bachelor #1 is lucky I got proactive or we may never be going on a date
In the meantime it is supposed to rain today but I have no clue if it is or not. I wish I had a window.

Chapter 73: Unappreciation

Last night I went to my Happy Place and Ada Giggles-worth was working. She asked me what I was doing tomorrow night (tonight) and at first I almost said nothing, our friend is in town for her “fall break” at school. I told her I had a date and Bull Dog was there, he starts picking on me in an unusually high pitched saying, “oh you’ve got a date.” I disregarded the urge to pick on him in return simply on the grounds of him sounding like a sissy. So, I proceed to explain to Ada and Bull Dog that this is not an exciting date, not even one I want to go on, and Bull Dog tells me that I need to call him up, tell him that I don’t have other plans, I just don’t want to go out with him. I told him that it of course makes sense, why waste everyone’s time, but I just couldn’t do it. Then he says, “Do you want me to call and pretend to be your older brother and say, ‘she’s really doesn’t want to go out with you’?” Um, no thank you. It’s just one date, not eternal marriage, so I think I’ll just get through it and that will be that. After that maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to say, “You know what, magic creeps me out, so no.”
Background, on Wednesday night Mr. Collins called me to confirm plans for Friday night. I somehow missed the call (I really am interested in how since I had my phone on me. Am I sad about it? No.) So he left a voicemail for me to call him back so he could tell me the plans and I thought to myself, why not just leave them on the voicemail? I’d like as little contact as possible. Since Mr. Collins is under the impression that I still work my crazy job I find myself in no hurry to correct him. If he thinks I’m still working 11 hour days and mostly nights I feel more than willing to let him continue to think so.
Needless to say I didn’t call back until around 8 o’clock last night a good 24 hours or so. I’ve been busy, what can I say? So I finally call him back and he picks up on the first ring! Who picks up on the first ring!? When he picks up I can tell that he is somewhere public because of all the background noise coming through. We go through the usual greetings and then he tells me that he is at someone’s wedding. I knew about the wedding, but completely forgot and either way I didn’t know either of the participants very well to begin with so it wasn’t a heartache for them if I forgot. So I say, “Oh, forgot about that,” to which he says, “Oh were you invited?” Which pissed me off a little bit, invited? The whole ward knew about it, it’s not one of those things where it’s a by invitation only. Why does he think he’s so freaking special and “invited” to things that others are not? I think I have used the phrase socially inept before, not with him, but I’m certainly going to start. So I just say, “I don’t know, but I was just saying I forgot.” I let it go, on the surface at least, but he is inching closer and closer to being the single most burnt fry in the bunch.
So he tells me the plans, the park at 5:30, have some food with us to eat there (oh a picnic how disgustingly romantic…by the way I’m not a romantic individual so when someone tries to get me to do things that they assume all girls enjoy I get more grossed out…like the time that this kid in high school made me dance in the parking lot with him at night, it wasn’t romantic, the lack of music and the height difference made it awkward.) So I roll my eyes to myself a bit, I drop in, “so you just want to meet there?” to which he says, “Oh I was going to pick you up.” People tell me the right lines to say but not what to do with the other person’s response. Then he goes on that the park closes awfully early (my intention) and that maybe we should find something else to do afterward. I don’t do the marathon date thing but apparently he was planning on it. So he mentions going to the Byrd, the oldest theater in Richmond, I happen to like the Byrd and it’s a movie, no time for magic tricks or talking, so I say that might be cool. I also threw in there somewhere that Ducky and Bachelor #2 wanted to come along as well and I told them that would be okay. He asked, “Oh we’re turning this into a double?” and I said, “Yeah I guess so,” of course it could be a complete non-date as well and I’d be happy.
So Ducky comes over and I tell her the plans and she tells me that Bachelor #2 has to work until 6 and the earliest he could meet us at my house would be 6:30 so I text Mr. Collins and tell him that 5:30 isn’t going to fly because of Bachelor #2’s schedule. I rearrange the time to be 7pm (I’m happy because I have shaved off 1.5 hours from the date right there!) Then I also put in the text that we may have to forget the park. I tell him that we will go out to eat and then go to the movie. This eliminates the chance for him to do something romantic, like provide dinner. Now it’s just casual. So he calls me while Ducky and I are watching our show so I ignore it, no one calls me between the hours of 9 and 10 on a Thursday night! So I call him back when the show is over, he explains to me that he would have just texted me back but he was driving. The whole time I’m trying to talk to him I hear his little G.P.S. system speaking to him. I don’t know how I feel about G.P.S. systems…if you can’t find it on your own what kind of man does that make you? You need a little voice to tell you to take a right and drive 13 miles? It just seems like you can’t take care of yourself, you’d be completely useless giving directions. It just makes you seem less of a person that you have such a dependency on the G.P.S. I have to admit though that he isn’t as bad to deal with on the phone, he irritates me it’s probably because he can’t do any magic tricks for you. But I also hope that maybe I sounded disinterested enough on the phone, which I know that I probably don’t. I really think he pulls some kind of hypnosis or something. I tried to have awkward silent moments too during the second call. I’m used to feeling the need to fill the space, not last night. I sat their quietly for a moment and waited for him to end the call and he finally did.
In other areas of my life my mom had asked me to pick up Thorn from work yesterday and take her to the house for dinner, she also asked me to pick up dinner (which is why I was at my happy place). It wasn’t so bad, the drive from Thorn’s work to my parent’s house seemed a little long with her asking me all these questions and I swear that she repeated one of them once. I just answered it the same way I had the first time and wondered if she then realized what she had done…she probably didn’t. So we get the house and my dad was hustling, trying to get all the food on the table and get it done with. So I helped him out as best I could and then we sat down to eat. Now my mom wasn’t able to be there because she had to work late last night (hence the reason for me picking up Thorn from work). I got to see what life would be like without my mom at the dinner table and let me tell you, the room seems darker and no one is there to get everyone talking. My mother truly has a gift for gab and not in a bad or annoying way, but I realized that my dad isn’t a man of many words and while I knew that I had also assumed he could invite people into conversation. Not so much.
Since we had peace and quiet for dinner with the exception of Spam eternally embarrassing herself I was more clearly able to hear the annoying and disgusting way in which Thorn eats. She breathes through her nose as though she’s out of breath but trying to hide it as she eats just as sloppily as her children. In fact I think her children left less of a mess around their plates than she did. Not only did she eat that way but she continued to eat! Taking no thought as to the fact that my mom hadn’t eating and that’s all the food we had. I was glad I had decided to double my order though! She ate the two pieces that technically was allotted to everyone and then she gives Spam some more chicken though she shouldn’t have and maybe she should stop acting like her hard earned money was going into the meal and ask if it was alright if the little pipsqueak got another piece. When Thorn brought over the dish with the chicken Spam started freaking out because there was something on the chicken, thus solidifying the fact that she is an over reacted teenage drama queen (and she’s only 9) the air was filled with “ew”, “gross”, “get it out!” and then a slight gagging sound. I quietly looked at her from my seat with the, “Holy cow you’re annoying and if you don’t stop I will find a way to quiet you forever” glare. The only reason I didn’t say anything was because we had other guest besides Thorn. Thorn says that maybe it’s just BBQ sauce that’s gotten on there and Spam is squealing about how it’s not BBQ sauce, maybe its blood. I just rolled my eyes and said, “Maybe it’s a tomato!” and it turned out to be in fact a tomato. At this point Thorn gives Spam a wing and Spam freaks out that it’s a creepy looking leg, and I say, “Cause it’s a wing”. Finally we take the wing away from her because Thorn found a leg. Then Spam eats that leg and asks if she can have the wing back, to which I say, “No, she doesn’t appreciate it” and you would think since it was my money that provided dinner that I would have a say in it, but then you would be thinking wrong. Thorn gives her the wing and Spam simply complains about what it looks like and struggles to eat. Then Thorn asks Burrito if he wants to split a wing with her. So she pulls one in half and gives the larger half to Burrito who then lives in his own personal delusion that it is a small and slightly funny looking leg. I tried to tell him that it was a wing and not a leg and he tells me that it’s all attached to the foot anyway, and that’s when I stepped back from the conversation, it couldn’t end well, my IQ was the only thing in danger of dropping and I had to remove it from the situation. Then I hear Thorn ask Spam if she wants to split a wing with her. So she does this! The whole time I am thinking nasty thoughts that I won’t even write down here. But seriously Thorn could eat a whole chicken by herself and not see anything wrong with it. I limited myself to one piece of chicken since it’s obvious that Thorn may need to pack some more in (Oh I told myself I wouldn’t write such mean things). I get up to clear the table and then to pull out dessert for family and guests. Ice-cream. My dad asks me if I want any and since I am trying to see TDH (part of my new weight lose program, I can’t stalk TDH until I’ve reached a semi-goal in weight lose…doing pretty well this week by the way) I declined. But I got it all out for everyone else and Thorn wanted a cone instead of a pull. She made out with her ice-cream a little bit longer than everyone else took to eat it and all the while, the nasal, heavy, breathing. I tried to focus on something else but the only other noise was Spam making fun of the way someone speaks in her class. She makes it sound like he enunciates, so I asked her what was wrong with that, no one would have to ask him to repeat things like they do with her. She goes on about it some more, ignoring my insult, and then she says something about how he never repeats himself like she does. I wonder if for some strange reason she thinks repeating herself is a good thing. Any time you have to repeat something it can’t be that good, just ask Burrito about having to repeat Kindergarten. I just sat there thinking that while she may be “gifted” according to educational standards she is by no means intelligent, or mature, or special in any other way other than the fact that she test better than their unusually low standards expected. I just think education is dwindling to a sad state when someone like Spam can be considered for gift-ti-tude (like I’m one to speak, I make up words at will). She just bothers me, why make fun of another “gifted” individual, they should be tight considering they are all in the same educational basket.

Chapter 72: My Own Magic

I have decided that I will not be a victim of circumstance. I will not have my only date be with Mr. Collins, I absolutely refuse. If I have to go on a date with him then I’m going to be going on dates with other people as well! I don’t have time to sit around and wait for some guy I know to sit up and take interest, Collins and I could be married by then! So to avoid that fate I made the call to Bachelor #1 last night. Even though I have no interest in Bachelor #1 I was still nervous. Diva sat in the room while I did it and I don’t know if that gave me more courage or made me wimp out. I got his number from Facebook, the only true and valid form of stalking. Then I went to save it into my phone in case I wimped out so I could call later when I had more courage. As I was in the process of saving I accidentally called him, looks like fate stepped in and said, “You aren’t going to wimp out tonight!” I couldn’t hang up after it starts ringing, it was already sending my data to his phone whether or not I stayed on the line, then he would call back and find out that I was the gutless terd calling his phone and he would then proceed to ask why. So I let it ring, telling Diva that no one picks up for numbers they don’t know and then just like in the movie Hitch the other line picked up! Who answers numbers they don’t know!? I don’t! So I informed him who was calling and it took him a second, which I expected, we barely know each other and until last night we didn’t have each other’s numbers. I would have done the same thing. Then once we established my identity I proceeded to ask him out for Saturday night. He said that he was going to be out of town but that I should save his number and call him when he gets back (and I’m thinking to myself, I don’t know when that is) and then he told me he will get back on Wednesday. So I said I would and finally hung up the phone. It was almost a relief and at the same time not because I’ll have to do it again next week, except I know this time that he’ll go. Diva and I then went upstairs and watched a movie. When I got back down to my room I had a new e-mail (on Facebook) and it was from Bachelor #1 before reading the message I thought to myself, “calm down, I’m not in love with you,” which is the standard reaction from the guys I know. He just wrote to apologize again for leaving town and told me that he would really like to get together when he got back and then asked if I had any ideas. Right then and there he removed himself from burnt fry destiny. No matter what ends up happening he will not overcook in the fryer.
In the meantime Ducky called last night and we tried to devise a plan to make Friday night with Mr. Collins more bearable. She is going to try and get a date (actually with my current Bachelor #2, but they are subject to number change….except for Bachelor #1 because he has confirmed a date). Hopefully she can, if not I’ll just have to grin and bear it and remember that starting next weekend I will be going on a date with a different person, thus helping to make sure that I can’t be a permanent dating fixture in Mr. Collins dating pool. And maybe one day it will get easier to lie to him about what my plans are.

Chapter 71: The Cast System of Fries

So, due to my moment of complete grief last night I feel that to some extent I am desperate for someone to enter my life and “save” me, save me from myself, from Mr. Collins, from G.I. Joe. I was thinking about it…Remember I said that G.I. Joe and I could be friends if he would stop creeping me out. I don’t know if it is because we have family in common that he has the chance to obtain at least friendship, but with Mr. Collins I don’t even want to be his friend. I know I should feel bad, but I don’t. He’s a nice guy I’m sure, but as Ducky said, it’s his approach. He’s a little overbearing, and I just can’t even stand to be around him. Yes, the pit of my stomach aches and I think I am growing physically sick by the minute. I swear if he sits by me at church this coming Sunday I will stop going. It’s just not worth it to me…not that church isn’t worth it to me, but going to that particular building isn’t worth it to me. It’s a 45 minute drive and what is more appealing about that ward than the one that is a 5 minute walk from my house? So far the one closest to my house is winning…I don’t have to leave the house as early to get there on time, I could walk there instead (saving gas and losing weight), I could blend in where no one would even notice me. Now for the pros of the 45 minute drive: I made a kicking church CD I can listen to almost completely on my commute, I have some friends to sit with there, oh…that may be it. The fact that there are single guys there does not entice me, why? Well, if you have to ask why you’ve never come for a visit to our ward.
Last night I got online and Eeyore was online too. I felt a rush of some strange desperation and wrote him first this time saying, “Come home”. Strangely enough I think I want to cleave to the only normal guy that exists in that ward. He told me “never” and I told him that he was a cruel man. He asked how FHE went. I told him he missed ghost stories and an almost magic trick. Then he got offline suddenly telling me to have a good night and then he was gone.
I kept working on what I had been writing before and then he was suddenly online again and asked if anything else exciting happened at FHE. I told him that he said, “Goodnight” so I didn’t feel like I should have to talk to him after that. He then said that he heard that Mr. Collins brainwashed me into going out with him. I started to guess who it was who told him (there were really only 3 people who might). I told him it made me angry (not that someone told him but that Mr. Collins asked me out). Then I asked what he had been up to (he’s out of town if you haven’t guessed). So he starts to give me his agenda of hot girls he is going to be hanging out. Half of the conversation he was Eeyore and the other half he was Asshole, a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I didn’t realize that he had been in the ward for 2 months before anyone said anything to him. He told me how in his old wards people would come up and introduce themselves but not in our ward. I told him how I moved into my house in May and people were still surprised in December when they figured out that I was living with the girls I was living with. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen anymore but who knows. I told him that our ward just wasn’t friendly, but I also told him that I wasn’t used to being the center of attention so I didn’t notice at first. I told him that he had people going over to his apartment all the time now to play Wii. His response was that they come to play with the Wii not with him. I promised him that if he came home I would come over and play with him…and then I rethought that statement. It’s almost like the other night when Ducky was over and she got on under my name and told him that I said if he came home I would give him some action. You’ve got to be careful with what you say. Especially to him, I think I’ve been weirding him out lately. Not that I care, but I think its happening.
In the meantime TDH made contact, it’s because he’s in love with me *rolling eyes*, I wish. He asked how the new job was going. I don’t remember what I said back, but this morning as an afterthought I added that I still expect the picture that he promised and even the blueberry fritter. He needs to just be my boyfriend so that Mr. Collins will back off. I left out G.I. Joe because I happen to know that he doesn’t let the fact that a girl has made her choice get in the way of him still hoping she’ll change her mind. Simply knowing this fact should put me in Buddyland, but somehow it still hasn’t. Who would have thought I’d see the day where I desperately wanted a passport to Buddyland? I mean, I’m used to being there, but who would have thought I’d want to stay there.
I’ve decided to take a more active approach, I’m going to be a highly effective person and go with habit one of proactivity, not a real word apparently but who cares, I’m going to be proactive. I’m going to take matters into my own hands. I’m going to start to date. It’s not like I am increasing my hopeless search of finding a boyfriend, it’s that there are some people I want to get to know, and one good way to do that is to go on a date with them. My first victim, er, I mean, date is going to be someone who I am slightly annoyed by. This way I can decide if it was just a moment in time when he got on my somewhat bad side or if maybe there’s more to him than I thought. Unfortunately for Mr. Collins he is already on my burnt fries list. But I am going to give some burned fries a chance to redeem themselves, and some shoestring fries a chance to advance to steak fries or a chance to return to the deep fryer to sit in the oil for much too long.

Chapter 70: Easter Grass and Mac Trucks

I finally e-mailed Twitch. He was the last one on my list from the old job and I just happened to get bored enough to do it. Now I realize that the previous sentence makes it sound like I didn’t want to e-mail him. I loved working with Twitch, but I felt a little weird e-mailing him because I didn’t feel like we were that close and also he’s married, I have a thing about married guys, I try not to have too many conversations with them. It’s an old habit from back in the day when I worked at a catering service and a married man there kept trying to have too many private conversations with me. When he started to ask how long it had been since I had really been kissed I decided then and there that if at all possible I would avoid these situations altogether. So you can understand a little more now why Twitch was at the end of it. However, it didn’t stop me from calling his voicemail and leaving blank messages. He is the prankster of the team and deserved to have some pulled. I don’t know if I ever wrote in here my last prank on him as a member of the JSD Team. I took an envelope, shoved it full of Easter grass and put a note in the middle so that he’d have to pull it out and possibly get Easter grass all over (yes, I just happened to have a lot of Easter grass lying around when I was sending out my store mail). He got it last week and today when he e-mailed me back told me that it was “on par”. He is like my evil prank master and I love getting compliments on the magnitude of my work. I guess in a way I’m a little prank Igor and Twitch is Dr. Frankenstein (or Dr. Prankenstein…ha-ha, man I’m lame). Twitch told me that he sent the envelope with the Easter grass to TDH and put in a new note that told him that it was his turn. Why did that job get so fun right before I left? Twitch also mentioned that he got a blank voicemail the other day and figured it had something to do with me. Then he told me how he is going to lay off for a while, lull everyone into a false sense of security and then his time will come. He is totally Dr. Prankenstein.
So I e-mailed Twitch back, telling him that I was glad my envelope of Easter grass was making the rounds. I also told him that he should dare TDH to send it to Red. Then I informed him that when his prank hiatus was over I would be more than willing to help him if he needed assistance. I offered to send him my resume and my list of qualifications as well as a few references if he needed them. I actually could scrounge up some references if Twitch asked me to provide them. I do love pranks, I don’t care if they are cross-company pranks, I mean, who am I going to pull them on here? I don’t know anyone well enough…yet.
Aside from that today was probably the most boring day ever, and remember it has last Monday to compete with, but at least last Monday I killed some time walking around being introduced to people and taking a long lunch, I didn’t have that today. I have had a headache since about 11:30 this morning.
I went to FHE tonight. They were going ot be telling ghost stories…how could I resist? I picked up Ducky and when we first got to the church we sat in the car because there were only 5 people out in the parking lot. Then new roommate, who still doesn’t have a name yet, (I’m befuddled) came and got in the car and we were sitting there talking while the group gathered in the parking lot. Then Ducky told me to “become part of the car” I think that’s how she worded it and deep in the pit of my stomach I knew that Mr. Collins had arrived, not the first one to arrive…learning M.S.T.(Mormon Standard Time) I see. My car was on, but the lights were off thank goodness, so when his back was turned I slid the car into reverse and backed up a space behind a truck. Very simple procedure and no one noticed. Then when everyone had finally gone inside I scooted back up to my original spot.
We sat talking until Diva showed up and then we tried to sneak into the activity, which by the way, we walked in at 7:30 or later I’m not sure and they were still going over announcements. The darn activity is supposed to begin at 7…am I wrong? This is just like ward stare my last year at school, and we know what happened to my attendance with that (and in case we don’t know I stopped going because it aggravated me). Anyway, it was a little hard to sneak in since the door squeaked when I opened it. I avoided eye contact with every one, I didn’t want to take the chance of accidentally making eye contact with Mr. Collins and that giving him the impression that it was okay to speak to me (didn’t matter in the end anyway). I sit down and luckily for me the activity required the lights to be out so it made me feel like I wasn’t in a room full of people. More importantly I didn’t feel like I was in a room with Mr. Collins. Then after the activity for some reason Mr. Collins made us all be his “audience” for a magic show, of which never happened because of mechanical malfunction and then everyone got up to leave but Mr. Collins caught me at the end of my line. He shook my hand and said that he hadn’t seen me in forever. I told him that I was being anti-social lately. He asked why and I told him I had family in town. Just trying to keep it short. Then he throws out of nowhere, “what are you doing on Friday?” and I honestly went brain dead and couldn’t answer. This is when I get made at myself. I hate the fact that I can’t come up with an excuse quickly enough, I hate that I feel bad if I make up some excuse. I really hate that he doesn’t pick up on the fact that I don’t want to go anywhere with him. Does he really believe that it was an accident that we didn’t ride together to the party? I freaking ran away from home! A girl my age running away from home is a horrible sign. Then he called this past Thursday, did I ever call back!? No! That’s a huge sign! That’s a “Leave me the Freak Alone” sign, in neon lights down a dark alley.
Anyway, long stupid story short I am going to “hang out” at stupid Maymont Park. The last time I was at Maymont Park G.I. Joe was trying to seduce me. I’m going to have very bad feelings towards that park. I did get out of put-put though. I hate put-put; I loathe, detest, and despise it. Almost as much as I loathe, detest, and despise bowling. I actually like bowling, and put-put with the right group of people can be fun, but on a date with someone I don’t have any interest in it’s my own personal hell. I almost wished he would just say, “Let’s go see a movie”. I could do that, I like movies and it would give me a chance not to have to talk to him and maybe even see a good movie while I’m at it. Hey my first date ever was to a movie and it’s was a darn good one…the guy however was a flop.
I just hate my life. Did I mention I got a speeding ticket yesterday? No? Well, it was my sign that this week would be the pits. Then I get asked out. To make matters worse Ducky asked me what our game plan was so I wouldn’t run again. I’m the runaway date; I don’t know how I like my eggs so I run away!! But wait...I know how I like my eggs, scrambled and cooked until they are mostly golden brown, oh that’s right, I just don’t attract normal people and I’m a freaking wimp. I told Diva, New Roommate, and Ducky that my solution to the whole ordeal was a hot bath and a razor blade…or maybe a Mac truck if I’m lucky.
At this point I really do wish a Mac truck would wipe me out.

Chapter 69: All Things In Moderation

Yesterday I went to the mountains with my family. Navy Seal Ken and my sister are in town, so we decided to take a trip up for the fall festivities at some apple orchard we always go to (I however haven’t been in at least 5 years due to college and working on Saturdays). Along with Navy Seal Ken came his family, and of course that meant G.I. Joe was coming. Now I don’t know if it’s because I already know I have no interest in G.I. Joe or if I just get annoyed when people are obvious, but it bugged me yesterday how he was trying to ride in the same car as me, but tried to make it look like it wasn’t his decision. He kept saying that he was the odd man out on his side of the family and he kept telling his other brother that he didn’t want to listen to Barry Manilow (meaning he didn’t want to ride with his brother), he kept trying to ride with us in our car.
While we were at the orchard G.I. Joe came up to me and was like, ‘So, you don’t have to work nights anymore huh?” I answered in the positive, I’m proud I have my nights back. Then he starts to tell me that this girl he works with (who I met last week), her husband plays poker on Tuesday nights so he’ll have to call me so we can all go to a movie. I just nodded and then told him how I had finally seen Bourne Ultimatum. If I didn’t worry about him liking me I think we would have a greater chance of being friends, it would be nice to have a guy friend who I actually hang out with, however, since there is that feeling that he may like me as more than friends I’m just guarded around him.
When we were getting ready to leave the orchard he was back to trying to get into our car by asking his sister-in-law if he should just ride with us since they may have plans to go home. They had said that they were going to lunch but in the end decided to just go home and took G.I. Joe with them. It was for the best; lunch would have been awkward because I know he would have sat next to me and called me “Jessie” some more…stupid nicknames with the “i-e” endings.
I just don’t understand, I have Mr. Collins calling again (I know it’s only been a week or two since he stopped but I really thought I was in the clear) and G.I. Joe is back to trying to get me to hang out with him and the one person I want to try won’t (Of course we are talking about TDH here who else?). It’s probably for the best though, but still, why is life like that? Why do I finally get some guys interested in me and I’m not interested in any of the options given me? I like one guy and I can’t have that one be interested?