Chapter 71: The Cast System of Fries

So, due to my moment of complete grief last night I feel that to some extent I am desperate for someone to enter my life and “save” me, save me from myself, from Mr. Collins, from G.I. Joe. I was thinking about it…Remember I said that G.I. Joe and I could be friends if he would stop creeping me out. I don’t know if it is because we have family in common that he has the chance to obtain at least friendship, but with Mr. Collins I don’t even want to be his friend. I know I should feel bad, but I don’t. He’s a nice guy I’m sure, but as Ducky said, it’s his approach. He’s a little overbearing, and I just can’t even stand to be around him. Yes, the pit of my stomach aches and I think I am growing physically sick by the minute. I swear if he sits by me at church this coming Sunday I will stop going. It’s just not worth it to me…not that church isn’t worth it to me, but going to that particular building isn’t worth it to me. It’s a 45 minute drive and what is more appealing about that ward than the one that is a 5 minute walk from my house? So far the one closest to my house is winning…I don’t have to leave the house as early to get there on time, I could walk there instead (saving gas and losing weight), I could blend in where no one would even notice me. Now for the pros of the 45 minute drive: I made a kicking church CD I can listen to almost completely on my commute, I have some friends to sit with there, oh…that may be it. The fact that there are single guys there does not entice me, why? Well, if you have to ask why you’ve never come for a visit to our ward.
Last night I got online and Eeyore was online too. I felt a rush of some strange desperation and wrote him first this time saying, “Come home”. Strangely enough I think I want to cleave to the only normal guy that exists in that ward. He told me “never” and I told him that he was a cruel man. He asked how FHE went. I told him he missed ghost stories and an almost magic trick. Then he got offline suddenly telling me to have a good night and then he was gone.
I kept working on what I had been writing before and then he was suddenly online again and asked if anything else exciting happened at FHE. I told him that he said, “Goodnight” so I didn’t feel like I should have to talk to him after that. He then said that he heard that Mr. Collins brainwashed me into going out with him. I started to guess who it was who told him (there were really only 3 people who might). I told him it made me angry (not that someone told him but that Mr. Collins asked me out). Then I asked what he had been up to (he’s out of town if you haven’t guessed). So he starts to give me his agenda of hot girls he is going to be hanging out. Half of the conversation he was Eeyore and the other half he was Asshole, a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I didn’t realize that he had been in the ward for 2 months before anyone said anything to him. He told me how in his old wards people would come up and introduce themselves but not in our ward. I told him how I moved into my house in May and people were still surprised in December when they figured out that I was living with the girls I was living with. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen anymore but who knows. I told him that our ward just wasn’t friendly, but I also told him that I wasn’t used to being the center of attention so I didn’t notice at first. I told him that he had people going over to his apartment all the time now to play Wii. His response was that they come to play with the Wii not with him. I promised him that if he came home I would come over and play with him…and then I rethought that statement. It’s almost like the other night when Ducky was over and she got on under my name and told him that I said if he came home I would give him some action. You’ve got to be careful with what you say. Especially to him, I think I’ve been weirding him out lately. Not that I care, but I think its happening.
In the meantime TDH made contact, it’s because he’s in love with me *rolling eyes*, I wish. He asked how the new job was going. I don’t remember what I said back, but this morning as an afterthought I added that I still expect the picture that he promised and even the blueberry fritter. He needs to just be my boyfriend so that Mr. Collins will back off. I left out G.I. Joe because I happen to know that he doesn’t let the fact that a girl has made her choice get in the way of him still hoping she’ll change her mind. Simply knowing this fact should put me in Buddyland, but somehow it still hasn’t. Who would have thought I’d see the day where I desperately wanted a passport to Buddyland? I mean, I’m used to being there, but who would have thought I’d want to stay there.
I’ve decided to take a more active approach, I’m going to be a highly effective person and go with habit one of proactivity, not a real word apparently but who cares, I’m going to be proactive. I’m going to take matters into my own hands. I’m going to start to date. It’s not like I am increasing my hopeless search of finding a boyfriend, it’s that there are some people I want to get to know, and one good way to do that is to go on a date with them. My first victim, er, I mean, date is going to be someone who I am slightly annoyed by. This way I can decide if it was just a moment in time when he got on my somewhat bad side or if maybe there’s more to him than I thought. Unfortunately for Mr. Collins he is already on my burnt fries list. But I am going to give some burned fries a chance to redeem themselves, and some shoestring fries a chance to advance to steak fries or a chance to return to the deep fryer to sit in the oil for much too long.