Chapter 154: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.

I don’t like when people try to treat me as though I am stupid. I don’t like when they throw out big words in an attempt to make me feel that I am stupid. I am going back and forth in an e-mail with an employee involving a reimbursement. I do not question the legitimacy of this request, I just follow procedure. So at first I felt like I was being friendly, explaining the information that I needed to process the request, and then I suddenly get this response,

“I’m confused about this. Is this for tax purposes? Boss Lady told me all I needed was proof that I paid the amount. Obviously, I have provided that (the receipt). That being said, I will get the bank information, but I’m pretty sure I can’t print out a virtual copy of the check, though I could be wrong.”

Tell me I’m reading this wrong. (P.S. I changed it to Boss Lady for secret identity purposes; he’s not cool enough to have written that in his original e-mail). I just don’t like certain points of this e-mail.

First: “Obviously, I have provided that (the receipt).” Well no shit Sherlock, but as previously stated in my last e-mail I need both documents to correlate. Please for the love; do not ever write “Obviously” in an e-mail, the only way it can be read is with a sarcastic or smart ass tone.

Second: “That being said.” What? Like an old biddy that has to make sure that her point comes across? “I’m going to cooperate but I’m not happy about it.” Or let me just jab an insult to your intelligence but now that it’s said, I’ll do what you asked.

Thirdly: “I’m pretty sure I can’t print out a virtual copy of the check, though I could be wrong.” That “I could be wrong” tacked on the end is read in a more condescending manner. If the rest of the e-mail hadn’t preceded it I would have not read this with the condescending tone attached to it. Oh and guess what? You can print off a virtual copy of the check.(unless of course he’s got the attitude because I am using the word ‘virtual’ incorrectly) I just got on my online banking to double check and what do you know? I can print off a damn virtual copy of any check I’ve written. Well, I could be wrong but I guess it just depends on the bank asshole. Dilbert read the e-mail and she said she felt like he said it more to save face, like he didn’t know you could do that but I did, so like the prick he is he had to try to make me feel like I didn’t know what I was talking about. You think because you have a law degree that you’re better than me? If I had the lack of personality and desire to conform my existence to strict laws with no leeway then I would have attempted law school jerk face. In fact it crossed my mind but then I remembered that I was interesting!

I felt like writing back that you don’t have to provide the information, but if you don’t you have to foot the bill. Instead I got advice from Boss Lady who told me to inform him that it was Accountings practice and we just do the paperwork. Then I apologized for the inconvenience and said “Thank you!” at the end, though I really wanted to tell him to shove it. I’m not really that upset, but I can say for certain that I really don’t like this guy right now. I hate having to work with lawyers.