Chapter 157: You People Suck

Why do these people bug me so much? It’s time for another work story.

My job today, and since we moved into this building, has been to collect people’s name plates and remove the Velcro on the back (with a scrapper and sometimes bleeding fingers) and then place drapery pins on the and put them on people’s cubicles. Simple enough right? I mean, minus the bloody fingers. So I am almost done with the ones people have turned in, but I have a list because I need to make sure that everyone has turned them in. As I’m going around I’m collecting nameplates that were not turned in, and believe me there are quite a few. I’ll spare you the curses and dirty words I say under my breath when I have to interact with these people. When people aren’t at their desk I just take their name plates, they will comply with HR whether they know it or not. Every day I’ve gotten something from someone. Before I even began this project this guy was telling me how they put Velcro on the workstations and then stuck their nameplates to them. His whole department did that and I knew that boss lady wouldn’t like that, but I had to tell her anyway. So she sent out an e-mail requesting all the name plates be turned in. So Velcro Man comes over and tells me that the Velcro works well and how we should have consulted him first. Consulted him? Why because you work for HR? Because you don’t, go back to your department and do what you’re paid to do, while I do what I’m paid to do…put up with annoying people and do tedious, menial jobs around the office. Don’t cross me! Then last week I was collecting some from downstairs and the guy tells me, “Well, they stick pretty good up there, can’t we just leave them up here.” I try to tell him that I know what he means, but we need to have them all uniform, and since I’ve already spent the past week with a razor blade taking off the Velcro and then carefully putting on the drapery pins and then even more carefully sticking these things into the workstations, no, you can’t just leave it where it is dam-it!

Then today doing the same thing, I’m almost done with the retched name plates and Dilbert is helping me. Not only did I have to talk to Velcro Man again, who went on about how the Velcro worked better and I wanted nothing more than to tell him where to shove it, but we see a nameplate up on the wall that we need to get. Dilbert is kind enough to take this one for me and tries to get it from the guy. He says, “I don’t want to.” All I can think is, “big baby.” I mean no wonder he’s single, this is the guy who threw a fit about the ice machine being removed from the building the week before we moved, I mean he didn’t just say, “That sucks,” he went on and on about how it was unacceptable. He complained to Boss Lady about it, like that was her biggest problem that week. Then he complained to the executive secretary and the receptionist. Finally someone went off on him about how immature he was being. Well, I wanted to do that today. So Dilbert says we need to get it and he says, “Didn’t the e-mail say it was optional?” and I told him I didn’t know about that but Boss Lady wants them all on the cubicles (and I have a deadline too but I didn’t mention that). He had been close to giving Dilbert the nameplate and said, “Well, if it says optional in the e-mail.” If he had been kidding and handed the nameplate to Dilbert we would have been fine, but he started to retract his nameplate! I wanted to roll my eyes at him! Well, that’s not all I wanted to do, but that was the kind, humane thing to do at that moment. But I didn’t, and I told him I would check the e-mail (but I took the nameplate). I’m just sick and tired of these 20, 30, 40, 50, sometimes 60-year old babies! Why do they have to make things so difficult!? Just give me your flipping name plate! Sometimes I wish I could say, “Give me your name plate or go ahead and pack up your cubicle.

Well, now I have to go e-mail all the morons who haven’t turned in their nameplates!