Chapter 162: If I end the year with an odd number of dates I’ll kill myself.

I don’t know why I’m even writing, I mean, you guys never leave comments. Last one was August 7th. Not that I’m complaining, it’s just that I’m wondering if what I am writing is so boring, so stupid, or surprisingly so inoffensive that you aren’t enjoying yourselves. Have I done something wrong? Has my blog taken a turn for the worst?
Should I quickly badmouth someone before I get to what I came on here to write about (i.e. my weekend)? Cause I could, if that’s what you want, I would.

But until I hear it from your lips I will continue on with telling you about my weekend. Friday we left off with a vent. SFHB was really getting on my nerves. Unfortunately Petunia couldn’t even make it over to the house until I had already left for the pool party with Moxie and Duff. I talked to her on the phone though, and we planned to walk the halls during Sunday school on (not to sound redundant) Sunday. However, as she is fully aware she was not at church on Sunday. Digression.
Moxie, Duff and I get the pool party and I feel out of place, which actually isn’t unusual for me. When we first walk in we are hit with this guy, let’s call him Soul Patch, though that may not have been what was on his chin. Soul Patch strikes me immediately as annoying, he reminds me of someone in the ward who we are about to lose to marriage so I’m not very well pleased with the introduction of him to the ward for the next couple of years. But he is like Andy from The Office and uses people’s names a lot, or at least I noticed that he used mine a lot, and when people show they care that much you soften to them a little, that and I think Duff likes him so I might as well support. He is just still a little annoying for me. His roommate comes in though and he introduces us to him, and his roommate is cute. Moxie and Duff go outside and I find a friend and chat with for a bit, then Moxie made me go outside. Luckily said friend comes with me and we stand quietly on the deck. She’s not as talkative as she used to be, but I still try to make small talk with her anyway. I just remember her being peppier, but maybe she was tired, I’m not sure. Finally we decide to go back inside. I talk to her for a bit, talk to a few other girls, and then zone out on the music videos that are slightly appalling to me. I get up to answer Petunia’s call. When I came back in someone was sitting in my seat. I gave people dirty looks (jokingly) about the lose of my seat and then finally am told I could sit by Soul Patch (not his suggestion) so I walk up and point at the open spot and tell him I’ll be sitting there. He says, “No problem, Honey” remember that he didn’t call me “honey” he used my name there, this guy isn’t a sleaze (at least not from what I can tell yet). So we sit there in silence. I didn’t have anything to say to him and I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just couldn’t think if I should or wanted to get into a conversation with him.

Moxie and Duff and a few other girls come walking through the house and go upstairs, I stay seated for a while, but soon I decide I’d rather go talk to them than sit wordlessly by Soul Patch. I stand up, tell him it was a pleasure to sit next to him, and go upstairs to find the girls. We hang out upstairs for a bit and then my friend and I leave the room, I notice in the dark hallway a cat, mostly because it did one of those, “you stepped on my tail” meows and ran off, even though we didn’t step on its tail. Friend doesn’t notice the cat and is asking me about it since I was the only one who saw it in the hallway. We are coming down the stairs as I am pointing towards it and then I swear it did a little kitty buck and stuck it’s head out at us through the railing! Friend and I were a little thrown off, stopping in our tracks. Then she turns and says, “Run!” and quickly went down the stairs covering her head. I’m cracking up so hard at the absurdity of the situation, but of course that cat still has it’s evil eye trained on me. Friend is trying to distract it with little noises so I can make a safe getaway, and it worked for a split second. She would make a noise, it would look at her, but I would take a step forward or even blink and the cat would look right back at me. Finally I ran for it, I’ve had a cat jump on my head before, not a pleasant experience. I wanted nothing more than to avoid that. I make it safely to the bottom of the stairs and we are laughing so hard, I’m crying I’m laughing so hard.

So Home-Owner, as I will call him, he is Soul Patch’s roommate and Soul Patch made sure to point out that his roommate was a Home Owner (which sounded to us at first like he called his roommate a Homo), so until I come up with something better I’ll calling him that…or HO, but I don’t think that’s nice. He sees us come into the room laughing so hard and tells us that we can’t be up to any good. So we go to sit by him and tell him about this ghetto cat at the top of the stairs, bucking at us through the railing. I don’t know if he found it as funny, I don’t know if I was paying any attention to his reaction. But then we start talking to him for a while. Then Friend leaves and another girl joins us.

I noticed SM2 in the kitchen area, talking with the telepathic mind reader…let’s call her ESPN (Mean Girls). I was going to go say ‘hi’ but since he was in conversation I didn’t want to leave the one I was having to interrupt another. So I kept talking with them, they are both dental students and I told them I took the easy road and I was a Sociology major. So then they asked if I had noticed anything that night. I pointed out a guy talking to a girl and said that he was probably interested in her with the way he was leaning towards her, also if I could see his pupils they would probably be dilated because he likes what he sees. I don’t know if I told them I was kidding, and that’s not what I learned to do with my major, but then I would have to explain what I did learn from my major, and frankly I’m not certain what that is. At one point Home-Owner notices SM2 and asks us if he reminds us of a 1980’s Ken doll…hmmm, wonder if he should now be called Ken?

Moxie and Duff come to tell me we’re leaving and I say goodbye to my two new friends, but then M&D start watching the Olympics, so I sit back down. Then we are leaving again so I get back up, say goodbye again. As I’m walking towards the door I want to make sure that SM2 sees my goodbye wave but he turns to his ESPN and says, “Excuse me,” and walked over and gave me a hug. I didn’t realize we knew each other well enough for hugs, but I take what I can get from Barbie’s boyfriend (reference to Ken doll in case you didn’t catch that, though how could you not?). We end up talking for a while, Moxie and Duff change their minds about leaving, I’m sure to give us a chance to talk (thanks guys). Turns out that SM2 is a compulsive liar, I like that. He liked my necklace and asked where I got it, but my boss got it for me. I turn it over and he reads the back but it’s some Patricia woman or something, pretty much giving us no clue to as where it came from. So I state the obvious and he says, “Yeah I’ve heard she’s good.” Then we started to jointly make up a story about Patricia, sister of the famous Tiffany (Tiffany store, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (song and movie), etc.) She’s got a store in New York and various other cities as well. It was fun.

Despite my good time I did keep trying to make eye contact with Moxie, I didn’t want them to sit around any longer than they had wanted. But I couldn’t get eye contact, well, I did once, at the beginning and I think she winked at me. Then this guy interjects into our conversation and becomes part of it, so I continue trying to make eye contact. I have to say though SM2 handled the new acquisition with poise, even though the guy was a little off his rocker. I was impressed. Finally I made eye contact with Moxie and we made our exit.

Saturday was fun, and I got to see Charmer, but I can’t give too much detail because Moxie and Duff were there, and they desperately want to know who Charmer is and I’m a brat so I can’t give them that satisfaction. Just know that I had a good time.

So this blog is a little long, my apologies. Word on the street is that long blogs are good, but I still feel bad for the long term commitment I am asking of you.

Sunday – Between Sacrament and Sunday school I was talking to Tyrant and SFHB about church stuff. The conversation got boring and I noticed that Home-Owner was sitting by himself just behind us. I scooted over slightly and then shook his hand and started to talk to him until Soul Patch came and took him away (and they returned not long after, probably because the class they thought they were going to doesn’t exist yet). After Sunday School SM2 came over to say ‘hello’ we talked until Kermit kicked us all out to go to our classes, which I needed to go to since I was conducting. SM2 has a good memory though, he asked me a question but then he took it back, answering it, and then he shared a story I told him in Utah. I’d forgotten I told him that story until he was retelling it. Kermit gave the announcement and we all dispersed.

After church we had a munch and mingle, of course we all munched and mingled with each other; Moxie, Duff, Packrat, SFHB and I. I made cookies for the event and B2 comes walking over near the beginning and asks loudly if I made out. Chill was standing near by and said, “You made out? With who?” and I shook my head. I turned to B2 and told him that he was the only guy I ever had or ever will make out with. His response: “Oh I was talking about the cookies.” I laughed and told him I was too. Which he knew, I think he was just trying to embarrass me. Then SFHB had walked off and when she came back she said, “Kermit wants to make out with you.” Oh really? She told me that he just told her and he also told her to come tell me. So I thought quickly what I should say and walked over. I came to stand by him and said, “I heard you want to make out with me?” Funny thing, it’s not like we were off in some corner, we had people around us and no one reacted. He said, “Word travels fast.” And I said especially when my roommate comes directly over to tell me. He nodded in agreement and then I said, “Well, anytime you want, let me know.” He said he’d have to call me and we could set up a time. Then he threw in that we should probably do it at his house since he’s home alone a lot. I told him that would be good, but also if we were going to make-out my roommates would leave the house or stay in their rooms. He said, “They don’t want to participate?” I said, “I know! I mean, it’s a perfectly innocent activity.” He just laughed.

The thing is I didn’t even make ‘out’; they were just normal oatmeal butterscotch cookies.