I Just Have A Lot Of Feelings

Last night Moxie and I got a pleasant surprise – SFHB had to work. I had worried at lunch time that she would be home for the rest of the day, because she had walked in the door while I was cleaning my dishes. Now, understand that I didn’t expect anyone to come home while I was there for lunch, Moxie rarely comes home for lunch; Pack Rat is out of town, and from what I recalled it was an long day for SFHB. So when I heard the door open I held on tighter to the frying pan I was cleaning and leaned back to see who it was. I told SLHB I almost killed her. She seemed confused and I contemplated leaving it at that, but I finally told her I wasn’t expecting anyone to come home. Then she proceeded to tell me about her stomach problems (she’s such the Antagonizer – for any long time reader, and I don’t think I have any of those anymore, Sweet Pea would have been it, you might recall a time when the Antagonizer ate pizza or Arby’s or something for the first time in a long time. Then she went on to explain how much it upset her stomach. Well, newsflash, I don’t dictate what you eat, so don’t complain about it to me.)

Ahem, back to the point. Before I leave SFHB has brought her laptop down and placed it on the love seat, preparing to take her usual spot. So I come back to work a little bummed because at two in the afternoon she has already taken to molding in with the couch cushions (p.s. if this doesn’t stop she’ll be paying my portion for the cable bill). I warned Moxie too that she would be home tonight. But when I pulled up to the house after work her car was gone. I didn’t get too excited because she easily could have just gone on a shopping trip, but when I got home from my meeting last night and I found that she still wasn’t home I did a silent halleluiah. Then I got to hang out with Moxie which was nice because we never really get to hang out when SFHB is home, mostly because we both try to avoid her and since SFHB will follow Moxie into my room if she comes to talk and I’d have to pass SFHB playing guard dog on the love seat to get to Moxie’s room, we just don’t see each other.

So last night was pretty neat. Then we sat down on the couches to watch some TV. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve actually watched a TV show. Most of this is due to me not watching TV at all, but I still like certain shows and have one or two recorded so that one day I can watch, it’s been a long time coming. So Moxie and I are watching (mind you this is one hour of TV, just one. I wish we could charge by the amount of time spent sitting in front of the TV because Moxie and I should just have to pay for the one hour we spent in front of it this week) and guess who comes in. The most annoying thing to me, scratch that, it’s not the most annoying, but it’s on my top ten list, is when SFHB walks into a room and you happened to be in mid sentence and she says, “What’s that?” and every fiber of your being that’s screaming, “ignore her!” is fighting with every sense of morality that you have that is screaming, “Be nice!” (that feeling sucks). So Moxie and I had been in mid conversation when the dreaded door opened and SFHB’s very first words were, “What’s that?” and I didn’t look back and I contemplated not answering and I can’t remember who did answer, me or Moxie, but there was a definite pause before one of us did. (P.S. I was on the love seat and I purposefully sat in the middle of the cushions).

So that last thing is on my permanent top ten list of things that SFHB does that annoy me. But for the temporary list of last night one thing reigned supreme (at least in my memory). Moxie paused the show to go change her laundry, I took the opportunity to move my stuff down to my room, mostly because I had a netflix video on top of my laptop and I didn’t want SFHB to ask me what movie I got, or worse to help herself to pulling the movie out to see it, but I never explained that to Moxie because I have learned that SFHB has impeccable hearing. Moxie told me I had to finish the show because she thought I was retiring for the night and I explained I was just putting my stuff in my room. After checking out some new “clothes” that Moxie purchased and after she put everything into the dryer we went back upstairs to finish the last couple minutes of the show. We come up to see that SFHB is sitting on the couch; about in the same spot that Moxie had been sitting (she didn’t touch the love seat, probably because she fears me as she should). Moxie and I stop however, and Moxie (named rightly so) says, “Uh, that’s my seat.” To which SFHB replies (pay attention because I will dissect this statement shortly), “Oh I thought you guys were done.” Why does this statement aggravate me and top the charts? Let’s review.

First, Moxie paused the show; this means that on the television screen is a frozen image of the show/commercial in which Moxie decided to pause the show. So as SFHB sat down she would have seen the frozen images and should have been able to clearly deduce that we were in fact not finished watching the show.

Second, I know SFHB has good hearing so I know that she heard Moxie tell me I had to finish watching the show. The word finish typically means that there is more remaining, that you are in fact not done.

I thought I could dissect further but work keeps pulling me away from writing and I’ve lost anything else that was creatively insulting. Not that it takes creative genius to insult SFHB, it’s oh so easy. But seriously folks, let’s take a poll, do you think she was dropped on her head as a baby thus permanently damaging her capacity for social interaction? Because something is up with that chick.

My favorite part of last night would be shortly after SFHB came home she grabbed the trash and asked if it was trash (uh….duh) and then proceeded to take it out. I looked over at Moxie because she had said something earlier about taking it out later. But as I looked at Moxie she was staring straight ahead at the TV not mentioning anything to SFHB about her earlier intentions, I quickly followed suit. I have much to learn.

After the show was over Moxie and I packed it up and went to our separate rooms, leaving SFHB to her usual station in the living room. This morning the pillows weren’t put back where they had been on the couches (a pet peeve of Moxie). Seriously, Moxie, write a passive aggressive note and tape it to the couch about leaving the pillows in place OR putting them back how you found them. It could be something like, “Dear SFHB, I would appreciate if after a long day of sitting on the couch you would return the pillows to how they had been when you decided to set your rear down for the remainder of your 16 hours you spend awake. I know that it can be difficult to remember exactly how the pillows were placed because of the long intervals of time that you spend on the couch, so if it will help I’m willing to take a picture of how the couches should look on a regular basis so you’ll have something to follow. Thank you!” I’ll totally take a picture and send it into the passive aggressive blog and we can be semi famous.