Tonight we had a luau. I rode over with Moxie and Duff, then immediately, and I mean immediately I met up with Petunia, who got to me before I reached the drive way. Spunk (my friend who got hit on by the 35 year old guys at the theater last night) threw the party, but had it hosted by Kermie and his roommates. Petunia and I are checking out the scene as best we can since the party is outside and it’s not fantastically lit. We spot Spunk up on the deck and there’s this guy standing near her and as we are watching he happens to hand her a drink, so we are wondering who the guy serving her is. I say she hired him since we didn’t know him, but she seemed to. Suddenly Spunk says, “Stop staring at me from the darkness.” Which really weirded me out, we’d been spotted but no one else seemed to notice. So I went up to her and asked if she was talking to us, and then told her how we were wondering if she hired this guy to serve her. Then I bowed down before her since she had set herself up as the queen of the party. I was talking to her, and then somehow ended up talking to Cabana Boy. I think it happened when I said I have a problem eating pig (it was a luau) and so Spunk said I should have a smore and then remembered that I don’t eat chocolate (which was nice that she remembered since I don’t see us as close, but people close to me forget sometimes) and that’s when Cabana and I started our own side conversation. He asked me if I was allergic to chocolate or just gave it up. I said I wasn't allergic and he said that was good because otherwise he’d just get me the rope so I could hang myself, but apparently making the choice to give up chocolate elicited a high five for will power. I mentioned that it’s the only thing I’ve been able to give up (I’ve tried with several other things) and he said I still drink though. I told him that I was told all I would have to stop was eating chocolate, smoking and drinking didn’t effect my health as much as chocolate. I also explained to him how I didn’t really like pig products to begin with b
ut I saw an episode of Dirty Jobs (I love Mike Rowe, I am in love with him) where he worked on a pig farm, and after seeing what they eat I was more inclined to have a distaste for food of the pork persuasion. Somehow that got us on the topic of lambs, and how his family really loves lamb and his uncle owns them and will slaughter some and give them one. Then one year his sister came to visit and played with the lambs, and months later they were eating lamb…and well, I guess you can figure how this ends, it occurs to her that she is eating one of the lambs that she played with and couldn’t eat anymore. Then he talked about a Simpson’s episode when Homer eats his pet lobster because it accidentally fell into a boiling pot of water. It was weird because the thought occurred to me that (not so much with the lobster) it was like eating your pet, people don’t slaughter their dogs for Sunday dinner, but they play with lambs, name them, and then make a hearty meal out of them. Yes, I mentioned this and the guy still wanted to talk to me. I introduced him to Petunia, which I hesitated doing because I wasn’t completely sure what his name was. I felt I remembered correctly, but you’re talking to the girl who gets “Andrew” and “Jeremy” confused, because for some reason beyond me I think those two names are very similar. But I was right and proud of it. Then other girls came up and took over so I stopped talking to him.I tried to find something else to do, trying to avoid congregating with Moxie, Duff, and Petunia, no offense to them, but we could have stayed on our side of the river for that. I went inside and Kermie somehow finagled me into doing the dishes, needless to say I didn’t stay inside very long. I went back outside, cheesed it up with Coz Jr. (he’s in Sleaze-ball training school with only the best, Coz, as his personal instructor). So I laid it on thick and he returned it. My favorite part was when I told him I was a jerk and he said he liked that about me, because with people like me you don’t have to worry about two-faced people and all these other negative adjectives and it was as though he were painting a portrait for me of Coz and I thought, “How strange that you distaste that which you have destined yourself to become by hovering under the wing of Coz.” Because all those things he said describe Coz perfectly.
After that I was pretty bored and kept trying to think of people to talk to or things to pull me away not from Coz Jr. because he was gone by this point. Oh and don’t you worry, at one point I told him I was done, and said, “see ya later” and he asked if I was leaving and I said, “No, I’m just done talking to you,” and pushed him away slightly. I think I might actually be embracing this jerk thing. Finally Fiancé sat down on the deck so I asked if I could sit next to him and he took too long to answer me so I gave him a little attitude and he told me it was because his imaginary friend was sitting there. I sat down on him and said it was okay, I was tight with his imaginary friend and I sat on him all the time. Fiancé asked me what his name was then, and I first thought Fred but threw out another name. I told Fiancé I was originally going to say ‘Fred’ and he said that Fred was his first thought but he changed it. Fred’s a popular name for imaginary friends. Then Fiancé was telling me how tired he was (he was at the movie last night and then had to work early this morning. He said he might pass out and I told him I would do CPR on him if he did. Then I asked him if I had permission to do mouth-to-mouth should he pass out. He consented but then said he didn’t think you had to do mouth-to-mouth if a person just passes out and I told him it was too late, he’d already given me permission. Then I may or may not have said something about trying to get some action that evening. That got him saying that I would probably knock him out just so I could. Then I said that I’d tell people it was okay, because I just so happened to have already gotten permission just in case something like this happened. In the end I took the lay from around my neck and put it on his neck and said that I laid him and finally got my action for the evening, but then I took it back because we really should wait for the wedding.
Then moxie and Duff were ready to go so I said my goodbyes. Then we ended up going out to eat with Petunia and other girl….probably needs a name but it’s 2:30 in the a.m. as I’m writing this so it’s not going to happen tonight. At one point she asks me what I thought of Cabana Boy and I said I wouldn’t know because she took over that conversation (all in a joking manner, I’ll survive, and also probably never see this guy again since he’s not even from here). But she said she thought he was a little weird and all I could think was that I felt quite at home shooting the breeze with a complete stranger about slaughtering pigs, lambs, and/or dogs to eat them, nothing in our conversation seemed weird to me. All I’m saying is, I wouldn’t mind having another conversation with Cabana Boy.
1 comment:
Other girl = Kentucky
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