Chapter 134: Sticks Shifts and Safety Belts

Last night we had FHE downtown in a park, we were going to play capture the flag. The main reason that I went to FHE was because my friend was teaching the lesson and I wanted to show her my support, I had no intention of playing capture the flag. Moxie and I drove separately, though I think we both planned all along to leave at the same time, its okay though, because I had to go grocery shopping afterwards and seeing as how I stopped by my old training store I was there for a while.

Anyway, after the lesson Moxie and I discussed our course of action, should we leave? Should we play? Should we stand around? Standing around sounded like the best option. I was standing a ways away from the crowd and I heard NTR say my name, though there could have been another girl with my name, it’s not like its uncommon, but I could have sworn he said he wanted to be on my team. Just one of many reasons I was glad I was standing further away from the crowd. NTR turns to see me further away and asks if I am leaving, I don’t remember my response, something about just standing back or something.

As Moxie and I are talking we both noticed Desperate at the same time, Moxie quickly turned her back on him to face me and told me to walk straight towards Chill and avoid eye contact. She told me to also keep her in deep conversation, well, the appearance of deep conversation. I can look serious without being serious, it’s a natural ability of mine. So we began to walk away from Desperate as he began to walk towards us. We walked up to Chill and I hit him, mostly just because I wanted to hit someone. As we are all talking NTR (because we have ventured closer to him to move away from Desperate) comes up and puts his arm around me. He asks me what’s up and I say “not much” because that’s the only acceptable answer to that question, it’s the awkward “How are you?” when people expect you to say, “Fine” because no one really cares. I asked him back and he said the same thing. Then he walked off, thank goodness. I think they’ve been having conversations with him about how to act around the girls. I leaned into Moxie and said, “If I get hugged one more time I’m leaving.”

Even though I felt as though Moxie and I had decided not to play we both ended up playing, and on opposite teams. A kid on the other team as me had the same shirt on, I think that’s worse than having on the same shirt as another girl because you know that one or the other bought the shirt from the other gender’s department, and in my case it was me. So I’m trying to avoid standing anywhere near the kid who has the same shirt on as he’s going for the flag. It made me realize that I don’t dress like a girl should probably dress, and that maybe be one of many reasons I am in Buddyland. However, while it bothered me, I don’t think it bothered me enough to do anything about it at this point in time.

Ms. X was there too, she, believe it or not, gave me a hug, but I had meant a hug from NTR. I don’t know what happened, but she has been stand-offish since she got back from her mission and then suddenly after last week’s FHE she seemed to want to be best friends again, something I never intend to do again in my life. I don’t have a problem being nice to her because I feel like she needs some people being nice to her, but I will under no circumstances be “best friends” with her or tell her if I have an interest in anyone. I got tense after I mentioned that I had tried to guard Dirty during the game, even though I have no feelings for him my mind quickly screamed reminders to not mention anyone I like while in her presence. It’s sad that I feel this way, but it’s brought on by past experiences.

The game ended quickly, that was probably due to lame location. An open field is not a fun place to play capture the flag, you need it to be like in Salute Your Shorts when they played. A nice wooded area, enough room to actually have a strategic plan, a prison with guards, you know the basics. Since the game was actually won because a member of my team cheated Moxie and I decided it was a good time to leave, who wants to play with cheaters? All this in addition to the fact that I feel old, there were a lot of young girls there, and while there was a mix of guys older and younger than me, they all seemed interested in the younger girls. I know that I shouldn’t have low self esteem and part of me really doesn’t care if they pay more attention to the young girls because I have no real interest in the guys, but it still affects you nonetheless. It’s like with Cheery, with Institute I’ve got him all to myself pretty much, there aren’t many girls who come and even less who hang out afterwards, so I can get to know him then and we talk and everything, but at every other activity I barely get to talk to him. I don’t like Cheery in that way, I would like to get to know him better and I do think he’s cute, but I’m tired of him only noticing me when there are no other girls around.

As we were leaving I was telling Moxie how I just don’t care anymore, maybe not in those words, but I’ve kind of given up, bad idea I know, but I want to focus on enjoying my time in the single’s ward rather than worrying about if I can attract a guy or get a boyfriend. I really love the church and I feel like my appreciation for it grows everyday but for some reason when I am with the members of the church I end up feeling down. I know they should affect me the way that they do, but they do. So I’m going to try and not to care about them, but just enjoy the gospel for now.


On a venting note, my house has been over taken with New Newbie’s AKA The Packrat’s belongings. I went away for the weekend (Duh right? I told you that) and while I was gone Packrat finished moving in. She had said she had a lot of stuff and I shrugged it off because I say I have a lot of stuff, but I’m used to keeping it in my room, with me. I noticed the kitchen first last night, it was disgusting. For those of you who have been reading this from the beginning (pretty much Sweet Pea) you know that this (Brutally Honest) thing started because I lived with slobs. Now I am not calling all my roommates slobs, just packrat, and I’m not even going to call her a slob yet because I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that once she gets settled things will be more organized. But for now it’s driving me crazy. There are pots and pans on the stove (dirty mind you) and dishes in the sink even though the dishwasher is dirty. There are jars of peanut butter on the counter and last night when I went to slide one little thing into the freezer I couldn’t find any room. It drove me insane. I had to pull out a million and one individually wrapped frozen chicken breasts and a few frozen dinners before I could put my item in. Then the fridge is just as bad. With three people it wasn’t too packed, so I guess I thought, “How much more could one person add?” oh plenty. I bought some milk, a carton of OJ and some yogurts and had difficulty rearranging things so I could fit it in there. If this persist past this weekend I’m calling an roommate meeting (akin to my apartment meetings that I had out at school). What would this mean? It would mean returning to dish days, assigning drawers in the freezer and fridge, having trash days, and enforcing the law. I wouldn’t want a single soul to enter the house right now, it’s in disarray. It took me ten minutes to pull a piece of Tupperware out of the cupboard because there was so much crap packed into it. We don’t need all of there, she can pack up some of it. We don’t need her platter taking up the top shelf in our pantry, she can put it above, she can pack it away, when is she going to use that thing?

The counter looks nasty because she has to have all of her cooking utensils out in the open. I know I’m being a bit OCD, but this kind of stuff really bothers me. Hello? There are other people living in the house thank you very much. I didn’t think I was signing up to live with another MM. I should probably say something to her before it really begins to bug me, but how do you politely tell someone that they are overtaking the house?Sometimes I think it would have been better to wait for the new girl in August, college students always have less