Chapter 56: The Dating Game

So, I don’t think I have informed you of our up and coming activity at church. It’s an Elder’s Quorum sponsored ward activity and it’s a dating activity. They say to encourage the brethren to date, but certain friends of mine and I have our own theories. Anyway, so at first it started out just as and Elder’s Quorum activity, where the guys were supposed to get a date, didn’t matter from where, from the ward, from the branch, from work, school, wherever. Then the Elder’s Quorum president didn’t want any of the girls to feel left out so he came up with the brilliant idea of inviting the sisters who don’t get asked to join them by bringing their own date. The announcement didn’t go over too well. Last week Satan (as we like to call the Elder’s Quorum President) wanted to see if the Relief Society would be in charge of refreshments to which the bishop said ‘hell no’, well, he just said no, but I’m sure he was thinking the hell part. Then he asked if we would be willing to plan the activity!! Keep in mind that at this point, none of the sisters had been asked. Why the hell would we want to plan an activity that we weren’t going to? And regardless, the entire situation would be like a guy coming up to you and asking you out on a date and then saying, “Hey, we’re going to go to this place, but could you plan the activity for us? I’m just too busy, oh and could you bring dinner because my budgets tight.” That’s when the girl would say, “You know what? I think I’m busy that night.”
So they send in Luke Duke (not his real name, but it’s what my sister and I call him because that’s who he was for Halloween). He makes another announcement last week and nervously informs the girls that if they do decide to come they might want to eat dinner first because refreshments will be scarce due to the EQ budget, and the Ducky mentions that if anyone could help plan a scavenger hunt for the activity to get in touch with her after (because she said she wouldn’t agree to do the activity because she wasn’t going, but she would see if any of the sisters would volunteer…guess what? None did, big surprise there). Luckily Luke Duke got out alive but none of the sisters were all too happy with the activity.
Yesterday a member of the bishopric came in to announce that he didn’t want the girls to have to ask out a date, so he asked if he could have a show of hands if girls would commit to say ‘yes’ should someone ask and they had no prior commitments. Then he said he would go tell the brethren that if they ask we’ll say yes. (turns out that he went in there and pretty much said, “If you ask, they’ll say ‘yes’” but didn’t go into more detail about how it doesn’t mean we’re in love with them (like he did for us) and I think he should have). After church boys are usually hanging out in the hallway by the Relief Society room, waiting like children for the women to get out. Yesterday there were about three guys that I saw. There’s a glass door in the relief society room and we were doing small group discussions in class and I could see out the door, when 4 o’clock hit I saw a bunch of cars leaving, no doubt the spineless, cocky brethren of the ward who think we are all in love with them. If only they knew about our fry list and the part that says, “burnt fries” and how 80% of them fall into that category, and after yesterday I’m tempted to add more of them to my list because they are sissy, arrogant, courage-less, individuals who can’t just take a girl on a date for the sake of going on a date. Not everything is an interview for eternity. I know that I may sound bitter at not being asked, but don’t you worry about that, not only am I working that bight so couldn’t go anyway, but I was asked to go. In my false security of thinking I could freely roam the halls because the testosterone levels didn’t seem to be anywhere within pheromone recognition I was caught off guard by Mr. Collins, that’s right, Mr. Collins who cut me off in my pursuit of catching up with Diva and began to ask me if I was going to the activity. I had to decline due to work, but at least someone asked me. And you know what, just for actually taking courage when so many of the guys at church did not, he just go points in my book for that. Of course, I knew he would be okay when I told him I was unable to go due to work, we are talking about Mr. Collins, he somehow always lands on his feet in Pride and Prejudice, why should the real life Mr. Collins not be able to do the same?