What League am I Playing In?

Waiting to fall in love is like waiting to see a pot of water begin to boil. If you keep your eye on it then it seems to take longer, but if you take your eyes off it and start to work on other things suddenly it's boiling before you know it.

I would like to say that I am writing this because I have fallen in love, but sadly I am writing as a person who can't seem to take their eyes off the pot. It's not as though the rest of my life isn't continuing, it is, but at the same time it's fringed with the desire to be desired.

I'm growing frustrated with the fact that I can't seem to say anything to TDH Jr. I don't think I've ever clammed up this badly. It's annoying and self destructive. I find I can barely make eye contact with him or even ask him a question directly. Last night after basketball he was hanging out a little behind everyone else and I was walking through the door with my friend and I couldn't ask him if he was coming, I asked my friend if he was. He's a totally nice guy, he talks to everyone and even though I see him talking to other people and I decide that I can do it, when he's there I just can't. I'm retarded, malfunctioning, debilitated. I feel it's mostly due to The Village theory (a theory I got from the movie "The Village") sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them. Why? Why are we like that? More specifically why am I like that?

The other day my roommate asked about leagues. You know, when someone says, "She's out of your league" or something like that. She wanted to know if the guys she liked were out of her league. It got me thinking, because I had never thought about it before, what my league is. I hate to report that I still don't know, and I think League placement has to be left to a third party. You can't know your own league, it's just impossible, unless of course, you actually date. But even then your perception of your league may be off, what if you're out of their league? You're playing in the minors when you could be playing in the majors. It goes the other way though too, the traditional way when a kind hearted friend says, "Dude, you're overreaching."

I wonder if my friends would have the honesty and the brazenness to say, "Dude, you're overreaching" (especially concerning my intense interest in TDH jr). I would also like some assistance from those who know me and don't care about being kind to me (because really, what good would that do) to help me build a list of people who are in my "league" so I can adjust "my type" to fit people I can actually attain in this life, because if I am over reaching then this whole falling in love, boiling pot of water thing may never happen for me.

I think tomorrow I'll post a compilation of songs that make me want to fall in love...and then I'll remove every single one from my iTunes so that I can take my eyes off the placid water and be busy until it's ready to get going.