Chapter 150: Leaving on a jet plane...again.

I hate airports, well, they aren’t so bad, and flying isn’t so bad, but it’s so hard to just fly. I have to unpack my carry-on and strip down before I can get through security. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just come to the airport naked and get dressed after I get to the gate. It would be uncomfortable if I was late to my flight and had to fly in the nude, but they still offer blankets don’t they? So I think that I’ve striped down far enough, I took my laptop out of my bag and out of it’s case and it’s gone through the “scanner” and then I’m standing there in line behind space cadet who is just staring out the window! Move it buddy, my stuff isn’t at my side so I might have a coronary if we don’t reunite soon. So the guy finally goes through, beeps and gets put in a glass box. That looked promising, I’m not nervous now. So the guy on the other side of the metal detector is giving me mixed signals. He’s not looking at me, but his palm is faced out at me like “stop” and then he looks and motions for me to come forward but midway he seems to say stop, so I’m going crazy and am super timid as though the detector is going to zap me if I don’t get this right. I get through and it’s beeped at me. The guy says, “Do you have a belt on?”

“Oh yeah.” So instead of pulling out the wand he makes me go back through, in order to do this I have to ditch the belt. So I grab an individual tub for one little belt, cut in front of people and put it on their belt to go through the inspector, then I get in the ever increasing line and watch as my stuff heads off to lost and found because it’s been sitting there so long. Flip Flopper does the same thing when my turn comes up for the metal detector and I close my eyes as I go through because I have some strange neurotic tendencies. I’m given the okay to proceed to my belongings where I can repack and get dressed. I grab the belt, stuff it in my bag, zip my laptop in its case, stuff that in my bag, grab my purse, carrying on bag and shoes and go to a bench to collect myself. As I am putting my shoes on I look across the room to see that the man who was put in the glass box has been taken to another glass room (and when I say ‘glass’ I mean Plexiglas, harder to break out of). He’s sitting down while they inspect him with the wand (I always thought you had to stand for that). I thank my lucky stars they didn’t put me on display and head out to my gate.

Now I sit here, as people fill in around me, some have a little laptop envy and wished they had either brought theirs or owned one. I have my stuff in the seat next to me because I hate the idea of strangers, blame the childhood on that one. Which just reminded me to plug into the laptop so that I can listen to what I want and seem less inviting.

Per bad experiences from before I have within my carry on two packs of crackers, some starbursts, and my remaining Reese’s pieces from the beginning of the month (my last travel engagement). The last time I flew I went an entire day without any food because the money leeches charge for lunch, are skimpy on the beverages, and have no guilt about passing you up for some crackers if you’re asleep. And I hate falling asleep on airplanes because I wake up dry, inside and out. My eyes hurt to move because I was too afraid to bring contact solution because I’m not 100% sure what 3oz. is, plus it’s not in a clear bottle and I don’t have the appropriate sized bag to place them in. My throat is dry because apparently while I was asleep they came around with the beverage cart, and I should be so lucky to snag a pack of crackers. So I took care of as much as I could, which couldn’t include liquids so pretty much I just brought my own crackers, starbursts will cause me to salivate, thus taking care of the dry throat, and the Reese’s pieces are just because I like peanut butter.

It wouldn’t be nearly as bad if I had fallen asleep before midnight last night and didn’t wake up at three. Instead I feel like I have to crack my neck and at any moment I could go into a REM cycle. Oh, and any takers on me sitting next to a good looking guy this flight, because I’m pretty sure I look like regurgitated food today.
I can’t help but feel like I’m forgetting something, and at the same time, I’ve got to tell myself I can’t do anything about it, so just forget it.

Oh, young hot pilot! This flight just got a little better.

Chapter 149: The Cake Sampler and the Timid Shopper

It’s like I feel I need to get more material and then the heavens open and bam, material.
So after I wrote this afternoon I was talking to my friend at work, we’ll call her Home Girl (HG) because the boys in her department always go up to her and ask her to get the hook up from her girl (referring to me and my amazing HR capabilities). So Home Girl it is…either that or Home Slice but now I’m distracting myself.
So I told Home Girl of some dating woes I’ve been going through. She’s married, and married people like to hear this kind of stuff. She chided me concerning B2 (Who’ve I’ve decided to call McFlirty) because months ago she warned me about him. She doesn’t know him but she knows his type. The Cake Sampler.
The Cake Sampler
The guy who wants to know all about his options as well as all of his options before he settles on just one type of cake. (Yes, I laughed about this because of the blog I wrote recently about guys being Bakers). They go around tasting all different types of cakes and the girls (who are the samples) put up with it because they think that maybe this time they aren’t a sample, maybe they’re the whole cake. And yes, HG and I really did have this conversation sitting back in Dilbert’s empty cubicle watching the pond outside the window. Then she went on about how Cake Samplers run the risk of getting cavities and I’m sitting there thinking, no wonder she’s my BFF at work, we think so much alike. Cavities of course being the times that you are sampling two or more girls at the same time and they find out about each other…basically a cake sampler is a player, but not quiet the same. He has the intent of settling down with one of the samples, he just can’t make up his mind. Players are just in it for the booty.
So thank you HG for that enlightening outlook on my life.

Tonight Ducky sends me a text message telling me that Eeyore told her that he was higher on my list of importance because he has “parts” that she doesn’t have, or something like that. So at the end of the text she tells me to set him straight. So I couldn’t resist and wrote back saying, “You want that I should tell him you have those parts or that you are higher?” I mean, who could resist that one? Of course I knew what she meant. I told him that she was higher but maybe (and that’s a big maybe) he could move up the totem pole of importance if he put out this weekend. So I didn’t hear back from him for a while but them he IMed me online and we are having friendly banter. He said he was top of the totem pole, if not I could have a nice trip. That was a cheap shot. So I told him he had two options, he could hang out with me and be cooler than Ducky or he could make out with me. He said he wasn’t cool, so I told him that meant we’d have to make out. I mean, he’s got to show he means business here. But then I told him I wouldn’t force people to make out with me just so I would value them more than another person. He didn’t believe me so I told him except that one time I did but I’m a changed person now.

In other news (I told you I have new material, amaza-zing) I think I got asked out again tonight! I hate that I don’t know when it’s happening. This is twice now with the same guy, and now I look like I’m coming up with crap and avoiding it. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the first time (I think I did) when this guy was the only one who showed up to our preparedness activity and afterwards told me how his date had canceled on him at the last minute for that afternoon and he suddenly said, “Do you want to come?” Smooth, yet not really, all it really did was catch me off guard where I mumbled, or drooled on myself. My sister quickly jumped in explaining that we had already made plans (my sisters, mom and I) so I couldn’t. I told him sorry and felt bad because how many guys from church actually bother? Then tonight this same guy was hanging out extra long at institute, I didn’t think anything of it at the time but I’m beginning to think about it now, they never stay late, B2 even pointed it out that they always leave right away. We were in the parking lot getting ready to all say goodbye and he suddenly spoke up and asked me if I’ve ever played Settlers of Zarahemla, I told him I had played Settlers of Catan before. So then he asked me if I would like to play this Saturday at his house. So I had to tell him I was going to be out of town, but if he wanted to play when I got back that would cool. I personally could care less if we do or not, but I feel bad that I seem to elude him every time. So we’ll see if he drudges up the courage one last time. If not, he goes back to school at the end of the month, so the awkwardness will either pass or he’ll disappear and I won’t have to worry about it. Now if I could just get one of the boys I’m interested in to ask me out…that would be nice.

Chapter 148: The MOTD

I decided to dedicate this blog to Moxie, the first known case of a Make Out Transmitted Disease, heretofore referred to as the MOTD (MO-TED), and it has to the “the MOTD” because it sounds more seriously that way.
Moxie (hope you don’t mind me splashing the details of your love life) made out with #38 last night. #38 is not a name for someone, it’s just a number, but I suppose should 38 ever make an appearance in my blog then it will be a name, but I digress. This morning she e-mailed informing me that she was in bed with a disease and a broken nose…I don’t want to know. But I feel like #38 knew he had a disease and purposefully gave it to her. Petunia said it was AIDS and so Moxie wondered if a symptom is salad cravings. Then she changed her mind to a Tuna melt and asparagus, to which I diagnosed her as having syphilis. Yes folks, I know these are STDs but the scary thing is, they are also tied to The MOTD. Other MOTDs include chaffed lips (or rather the delicate skin around the lips, caused by stubble, his not hers), hickeys, and apparently, a broken nose…or a lesion, my money is on Moxie having a lesion. My condolences.

Other than that nothing too interesting is happening. I mean there are always interesting things happening in my life, but I don’t really feel like writing about the two that are going on…err, I mean, the plethora of interesting events that occur on a daily basis. Maybe I’m getting shy about splashing my heart and soul on here, maybe I’m getting lazy, maybe I want more feedback. It’s difficult to say.

Who knows, maybe I’ll think of something to write while I’m having trouble falling asleep tonight and you’ll get one more before I head out of town. You should be so lucky.

Chapter 147: Happy Birthday Beatrix Potter

I think I have made a new BFF. It’s the strangest thing. I’ve been e-mailing this lady at the company who makes our nameplates, I’m trying to make sure that I order the correct ones and everything (we’ve been ordering a lot of signs and nameplates since the move). Well I e-mailed her on Friday and asked her a question about the coloring of one (yes, this is serious) and she didn’t e-mail me back on Friday. I was going to e-mail her today just to check but I got her e-mail a few minutes ago and she informed me that the two colors in question didn’t have any discernable differences. Which is nice because then I can just order like I regularly do. But then the e-mail continues, she asks me about my weekend, which is normal enough. Then she goes into her weekend, telling me about buying mascara and a pair “Jackie O” Chanel sunglasses. You know what, instead of paraphrasing, let me just post the exact words:

“Did you have a nice weekend? The highlight of mine was a visit to Saks to buy a new mascara (since it’s the same price whatever store you go to) and an accidental stop at the sunglasses counter where I discovered that I simply couldn’t live without a ‘Jackie O’ pair of Chanel sunglasses. Now I have to return several other things I’ve bought recently so it’s not as harsh an attack on the checkbook as it otherwise would be! I am SO bad about things like that!”

Just a reminder, our former e-mails were more like, “Are you referring to the 8X10 name plate? In silver?” with a response, “Yes, that’s the one.” I don’t even know what to write back, my adventures were not nearly as exciting as hers, at least not without a whole story behind them. I bought a flea collar for my dog, and gave him a bath, I filled up my gas tank…let’s see, what else did I buy this weekend. Oh I bought a new shirt! But it was $10 so it isn’t going to dent the bank account too much. I just don’t know what to write back, I feel that I should keep the friendly conversation going, but it’s weird because I don’t know anything about this woman, I don’t even know if we are close in age or if she is some 45 year old who just has to have these pair of sunglasses.

Other than that nothing interesting is happening. B2 and No-Go came over last night to play games. *Side note, No-Go broke up with his girlfriend this past week and I was so happy, not because I plan to step in or anything, but because his girlfriend was a moron. But Facebook has informed me that a lot of people have broken off their relationships this past week…note to self – must research why last week would have escalated the number of break-ups* Of course they were late. B2 told me 7:30 and at 7:30 he wasn’t there, neither was No-Go. No-Go showed up at 8:30 and by that time I wasn’t in the mood to play, I had found things to do down in my room, so I didn’t come up right away because I was doing them. Moxie and No Go were trying to call B2 to see where he was, but nothing. Finally he called Moxie and told her he fell asleep. Part of me just wanted to call a rain check but I didn’t say anything and he told Moxie he was on his way. Then he called No-Go to let him know even though Moxie told him that No-Go was sitting there with us. So he came and we played and I think No-Go was too afraid to bring his A-game with the girls (Pack Rat played with us too), so in the end B2 won, but I was close behind. In fact I was in the lead for a while but then things took a turn for the worst. I leave on a jet plane in 1.5 days!

Chapter 146:I get dizzy and weak and it makes me think I've got the lifespan of a fly

I’m sorry I write so much, I guess lately I just have a lot to say, also you probably won’t hear from me much in a couple of days because I’m going out of town until August 4th, so get your fill while you can.

Tonight we had a luau. I rode over with Moxie and Duff, then immediately, and I mean immediately I met up with Petunia, who got to me before I reached the drive way. Spunk (my friend who got hit on by the 35 year old guys at the theater last night) threw the party, but had it hosted by Kermie and his roommates. Petunia and I are checking out the scene as best we can since the party is outside and it’s not fantastically lit. We spot Spunk up on the deck and there’s this guy standing near her and as we are watching he happens to hand her a drink, so we are wondering who the guy serving her is. I say she hired him since we didn’t know him, but she seemed to. Suddenly Spunk says, “Stop staring at me from the darkness.” Which really weirded me out, we’d been spotted but no one else seemed to notice. So I went up to her and asked if she was talking to us, and then told her how we were wondering if she hired this guy to serve her. Then I bowed down before her since she had set herself up as the queen of the party. I was talking to her, and then somehow ended up talking to Cabana Boy. I think it happened when I said I have a problem eating pig (it was a luau) and so Spunk said I should have a smore and then remembered that I don’t eat chocolate (which was nice that she remembered since I don’t see us as close, but people close to me forget sometimes) and that’s when Cabana and I started our own side conversation. He asked me if I was allergic to chocolate or just gave it up. I said I wasn't allergic and he said that was good because otherwise he’d just get me the rope so I could hang myself, but apparently making the choice to give up chocolate elicited a high five for will power. I mentioned that it’s the only thing I’ve been able to give up (I’ve tried with several other things) and he said I still drink though. I told him that I was told all I would have to stop was eating chocolate, smoking and drinking didn’t effect my health as much as chocolate. I also explained to him how I didn’t really like pig products to begin with but I saw an episode of Dirty Jobs (I love Mike Rowe, I am in love with him) where he worked on a pig farm, and after seeing what they eat I was more inclined to have a distaste for food of the pork persuasion. Somehow that got us on the topic of lambs, and how his family really loves lamb and his uncle owns them and will slaughter some and give them one. Then one year his sister came to visit and played with the lambs, and months later they were eating lamb…and well, I guess you can figure how this ends, it occurs to her that she is eating one of the lambs that she played with and couldn’t eat anymore. Then he talked about a Simpson’s episode when Homer eats his pet lobster because it accidentally fell into a boiling pot of water. It was weird because the thought occurred to me that (not so much with the lobster) it was like eating your pet, people don’t slaughter their dogs for Sunday dinner, but they play with lambs, name them, and then make a hearty meal out of them. Yes, I mentioned this and the guy still wanted to talk to me. I introduced him to Petunia, which I hesitated doing because I wasn’t completely sure what his name was. I felt I remembered correctly, but you’re talking to the girl who gets “Andrew” and “Jeremy” confused, because for some reason beyond me I think those two names are very similar. But I was right and proud of it. Then other girls came up and took over so I stopped talking to him.

I tried to find something else to do, trying to avoid congregating with Moxie, Duff, and Petunia, no offense to them, but we could have stayed on our side of the river for that. I went inside and Kermie somehow finagled me into doing the dishes, needless to say I didn’t stay inside very long. I went back outside, cheesed it up with Coz Jr. (he’s in Sleaze-ball training school with only the best, Coz, as his personal instructor). So I laid it on thick and he returned it. My favorite part was when I told him I was a jerk and he said he liked that about me, because with people like me you don’t have to worry about two-faced people and all these other negative adjectives and it was as though he were painting a portrait for me of Coz and I thought, “How strange that you distaste that which you have destined yourself to become by hovering under the wing of Coz.” Because all those things he said describe Coz perfectly.

After that I was pretty bored and kept trying to think of people to talk to or things to pull me away not from Coz Jr. because he was gone by this point. Oh and don’t you worry, at one point I told him I was done, and said, “see ya later” and he asked if I was leaving and I said, “No, I’m just done talking to you,” and pushed him away slightly. I think I might actually be embracing this jerk thing. Finally Fiancé sat down on the deck so I asked if I could sit next to him and he took too long to answer me so I gave him a little attitude and he told me it was because his imaginary friend was sitting there. I sat down on him and said it was okay, I was tight with his imaginary friend and I sat on him all the time. Fiancé asked me what his name was then, and I first thought Fred but threw out another name. I told Fiancé I was originally going to say ‘Fred’ and he said that Fred was his first thought but he changed it. Fred’s a popular name for imaginary friends. Then Fiancé was telling me how tired he was (he was at the movie last night and then had to work early this morning. He said he might pass out and I told him I would do CPR on him if he did. Then I asked him if I had permission to do mouth-to-mouth should he pass out. He consented but then said he didn’t think you had to do mouth-to-mouth if a person just passes out and I told him it was too late, he’d already given me permission. Then I may or may not have said something about trying to get some action that evening. That got him saying that I would probably knock him out just so I could. Then I said that I’d tell people it was okay, because I just so happened to have already gotten permission just in case something like this happened. In the end I took the lay from around my neck and put it on his neck and said that I laid him and finally got my action for the evening, but then I took it back because we really should wait for the wedding.

Then moxie and Duff were ready to go so I said my goodbyes. Then we ended up going out to eat with Petunia and other girl….probably needs a name but it’s 2:30 in the a.m. as I’m writing this so it’s not going to happen tonight. At one point she asks me what I thought of Cabana Boy and I said I wouldn’t know because she took over that conversation (all in a joking manner, I’ll survive, and also probably never see this guy again since he’s not even from here). But she said she thought he was a little weird and all I could think was that I felt quite at home shooting the breeze with a complete stranger about slaughtering pigs, lambs, and/or dogs to eat them, nothing in our conversation seemed weird to me. All I’m saying is, I wouldn’t mind having another conversation with Cabana Boy.

Chapter 145: Action Jackson

This afternoon Moxie, Petunia and I had an e-mail chain going. We were talking about going to a movie tonight. Moxie dropped out of the running and informed us that she wouldn’t be making it, but if anyone kissed a guy she was to be informed. So with that I write this blog. Actually, nothing happened, no one got any action except my friend was hit on by three middle aged drunk guys, okay, so maybe 35 isn’t middle aged, but, whatever. It was a kid movie, what were three guys doing there? I could understand if they had some girls in the mix, but whatever.

Wow it’s late because my last two thoughts ended with the statement, ‘but whatever’. Way to complete a thought right? So anyway. In our e-mails we joked about who got to make out with whom. Petunia was to kiss Agent L and I was to kiss B2, Fiancé, and Dirty (should he make an appearance) and that’s when I realized that in the world of pretend I’m a slut.

So Petunia and I thought of our e-mail chain when we got to the theater and had a little laugh about it. Then we all headed into the theater to watch the film (no Dirty, so at least I wouldn’t be as much of a slut). I like to have things random when it comes to sitting with a group that has all good looking guys in it. I’m not trying to avoid anyone, but I like to let go and have fate take over. Of course in reality fate has nothing to do with it and if no one is trying to sit by someone in particular we all just end up sitting in the order we were standing in. So I had Agent L on my left, but was lucky enough to have Petunia jump ahead a spot and sit on my right. I knew I had to get some form of action to write about for Moxie so I asked Agent L if he would try to put the moves on me if I sat next to him. He said, ‘no’ so I jumped up and acted like I was going to move. But then I sat down because I’m all talk no action anyway. Then I turned to Petunia and asked if she was going to try to put the moves on me. Surprise, she said no. So I had to buck it up, fate had given me action-less movie companions….bummer. We went to see Wall-E which I had originally had no interest in seeing, and even today I didn’t want to see it, but I actually really liked it, I have my opinions on it, but I’ll save those for now. The two main robots…err…characters have this thing about hand holding. Well, Wall-E really wants to hold someone’s hand, so every time he went in for the kill I would look over at Agent L and then flash my hand, the only way I could have been more obvious would be to put a flashing neon sign above my hand that says, “This is as easy as it looks.” I was joking anyway so I wasn’t heartbroken when all he did was laugh at me and shake his head. So many wasted opportunities, no wonder he doesn’t have a girlfriend, he won’t even take freebies.

Fiancé didn’t even say anything to me tonight, I even did the point and wink, but I don’t think he saw it. B2 wanted to go to Denny’s but never actually asked the group if they wanted to go, so we didn’t. Petunia pushed me towards B2 (Didn’t think I’d call you out on it did you?) and I picked out her next boyfriend. The first one was a tall, ethnic young man with long black hair and I forget what his shirt said, but it’s what drew me to him as a prospect for her. The second future Mr. Petunia walked past us after the movie, long curly hair (the kind that looks a little greasy) with, wait for it, a bandana in it like he’s a member of a 90’s rock band, I feel like the back of his shirt had a skull, but I very well could just be placing my own desire for his shirt design into my memory.

Then as we walked out to the parking lot we all dispersed, kind of sad really. First Petunia left the group, but not until after getting a hug goodbye from Agent L (that’s right folks, Agent L is leaving us). Next Pack Rat left, but not until after getting a hug goodbye from Agent L. then we came across my car, and I stopped walking as B2 and Agent L kept going, finally they noticed I was no longer with them and turned to say goodbye. What? No hug? I’m the youngest of six; I do not do well with getting gypped. So I fussed about it until Agent L came and gave me a hug. As I was hugging him I pretended to cry and complained that first he wouldn’t hold my hand and then he wasn’t going to give me a hug. Then he whipped out the “L” sign one last time. I’m going to miss that sign…err, and him too I guess. Then I gave B2 a hug goodbye and got in my car and left.
Do hugs count as action?

Chapter 144: Boys suck...that's all.

I’ve been emotionally eating lately. There are several reasons for this, my aunt’s death, changes at work, boys, nothing better to do, boys, frustration, etc. First, I gave up sugar during the week, granted the weekends I may have made up for it, but whatever. Back when I was getting ready for the 10k I was running about 6 miles most days of the week, sometimes 4 -5 days a week and did I lose any weight? Nada. So I found myself with the same pitfall, no sugar, countless days and hours without my sweet, sweet sugar. And what did it get me? Fluctuating weight, at least when I ate sugar it was a constant “You’re fat!” screaming at me from the scale, instead it’s, “Feel good about yourself” Tuesday, or “Despair into an endless spiral of depression because you are a tub of lard in human skin” Wednesday. So this past week I’ve sucked at refraining. Doesn’t make me feel better in the long run, but during the moment itself its worth it.

So some other frustrations - Every time B2 comes over to watch a movie with Moxie he comes down and hangs out in my room for a while. I don’t know if Moxie is still getting ready or if he says, “Let me go torture Honey for a while, just for the hell of it.” It’s not that I think he likes me, because I think it’s obvious that he doesn’t, but I can’t figure out why he bothers, unless of course he wants me to be his buddy, and I swear if I am his “buddy” I’m going to slit my wrist. I can’t bear to be “buddy” to one more guy. I just don’t want to be anywhere near him sometimes, but at the same time I do...I'm so weird. In the book I’m reading right now I liked how the main character put it, “I was selfish enough to miss her (let’s insert him from here on out) but sane enough to know we had never really been together. I was fully prepared to forget about him. I just wasn’t prepared to see him again.” It’s a bit of a deeper scale than I am living through here. But it’s in a way how I feel. I’m totally prepared to forget him, but we think we are ready to do one thing, we think we’ve controlled how we feel and then we see the guy again…and all that goes out the freaking window. When I was an overly dramatic teenager I wrote a lot of poetry. I should burn the stuff, but I can’t bring myself to do it, not that I think it’s of any worth, but I have to have something to show for that incredibly awkward stage in my life. In one of my poems I wrote, “I’ve tried so hard for months now, to forget the very thought of you. I hear your voice I see your face, I forget what I set out to do.” Boys suck. I don’t even think I like him anymore (no real way to be sure) but it kind of sucks that the only boy who gives you any bit of attention doesn’t even want you, he’s just some strange nice guy who may or may not feel sorry for you.

It’s a lose-lose situation for him, I don’t think I want him to come down and torture me, but I would feel worse I think if he didn’t come down at all. I’m the typical woman, the one they poke fun at in the movies, I don’t know what I want.

My boss has recently mentioned training for me, training in interviewing and becoming an HR generalist. Apparently I’ve put in my time as a chair counting, facilities liaison and have proven my tenure and steadfastness so that I can now have some purpose, and head on my way to a higher paying title. Who knew? But I’m sitting at work wondering what I’m going to do with my life. I don’t mind the idea of being a generalist, even though I don’t want to sit on either side of the interviewing table, but beyond that I’d prefer no more responsibility. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the job my boss has does not appeal to me, I don’t need that kind of stress, and I’m not dedicated enough to put in the kind of time that she puts in. I sat there thinking that maybe all along I’ve really just wanted to be a house wife, though that thought scares me just as much as being a VP of Human Resources. I have to wonder why I’m such a lazy, miserable rag of an individual. But maybe in the back of my mind I’m hoping (me…hope – odd I know) that I will get married and be supported by the man I marry.

This idea had me thinking a couple of times…how old would I go? I’ve played the how low would I go game, and found that at one point in my life it was a little low, but I didn’t go. Now we have advanced to old, because as I quickly approach 26 I think I’m preparing to cross that threshold. Since I can’t seem to attract people my age (which would be nice once in a while) I am left wondering if I will end up with someone seven years younger than me or 20 years older. Yesterday the CFO said something about how he would trade seats with the Payroll Administrator for her good views, one of the duck pond and the other of me…awkward by the way, this guy is like 60 or so. Then tonight I ran into this guy I used to kind of work with. He was night crew where I used to work and he always made me uncomfortable with how he talked to me. He would tell me I was pretty and such and then would ask me to turn around or something, or he would try to watch as I walked away. It was weird, and this guy is married and has a daughter my age…so yes, that means he’s old enough to be my father. Well I ran into him tonight, after months and months of not seeing him. So he’s asking me how everything is going and I’m trying to act casual and not totally weirded out because as he’s talking to me I feel like my left breast is getting more attention than my eyes. Then before we part ways he says, “If you’re ever looking for a boyfriend I’m available.” I’m not good in these situations because that was a random statement, I don’t feel like flirting, and I can’t tell if he is joking. So I kind of nervously laugh and said, “Uh, yeah, I’ll be in touch.” Or something like that. Can’t really remember because I tend to go blank after such awkward moments, it’s my body’s natural defense mechanism.

And why the hell do I keep thinking of DND?! This is a daily occurrence and it’s beginning to bug me. The book I’m reading is one he recommended. I see a Ford Mustang, same color as his, everyday, if not in the parking lot at work on the road, and I keep thinking, “What was wrong with him?” Why couldn’t I just like him? Why am I sitting here wondering why I couldn’t just like a 30- something year old guy who plays Dungeons and Dragons, performs annually at Renaissance fairs, and who knows what other kind of mythical games. I mean the answer is in there right? And yet, those weren’t the reasons I felt compelled to tell him I couldn’t go out with him anymore, they honestly weren’t, I just couldn’t make myself be attracted to him. He wasn’t ugly, but there was nothing there.
I hate my life.

Addendum

Clarification on the punch list I mentioned in the last blog, I was able to read it again.

"The air vent is directly over top of my head, the air condition is extremely cold which is consistly blowing directly on me. It has flared up joint pain + had give me a sore throat and swallon glands."

That information has not been edited, so spelling errors and anything else are exactly as was found on the original document.

That's all I'm going to say (except that I am typing up more punch list on to the spreadsheet and people still bug me).

Chapter 143: Pay No Attention to The Man Behind the Curtain

We have an IQ test we give people when they come in for an interview here at work, so I happen to know that most of the individuals we hire are pretty intelligent people, and yet, they are always trying to prove otherwise to me. Yes, it again relates to the move, though it’s not punch lists however – self permitted digression here - I’m still trying to figure out why I get novels when a half sentence will say the same thing. One lady gave me her punch list and it went on and on about the air conditioning. Well, it had the AC part in the useful half sentence and the rest was really about how it is causing her arthritis to act up and how she now has trouble with certain activities in her daily life or something like that. It’s almost as though these people talk about their issues outside of work because they are expecting some kind of monetary compensation for the pain we have caused them by giving them a nice workstation with a flow of fresh air.

I can’t even change the temperature for you, every time you get hot or cold I have to send an e-mail to our building person (who doesn’t want phone calls, fine by me – I hate the phone) and then about 15 or so minutes later she lets me know that she’s passed the message on and then this guy, Tom, will call and I’ll miss it, but I’ll call him back on his so called “direct line” and I end up talking to some guy named Phil, or something similar to it, or maybe even not similar, this guy sounded permadrunk.. He takes a message because he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and he tells me he’ll have Tom call me back. Has anyone heard from Tom? Because I haven’t! That was all yesterday.
So then I’m talking to Boss Lady about it and one of the nosey managers walks by and says, “This thing,” and taps the thermostat, “this will change the temperature.” I just sat there thinking, “are you serious?” He didn’t think we knew the purpose of a thermostat? Are you freaking kidding me? So Boss Lady shakes her head slightly and he says, “They’re fake?” and she said, “I’m not saying that.” My personal interpretation of the head shake was, “I know that you moron but I won’t let any incriminating words escape my lips at the moment.”

But it turns out that the thermostats aren’t exactly fake but they aren’t exactly real either. People can change the thermostat but it caps three degrees cooler or three degrees hotter. Thank goodness too because I was walking around today and saw a lot of thermostats set to the hottest setting, but the room felt okay. I asked Boss Lady if there was some room in another building where they control our temperatures from afar, she wouldn’t really explain it, probably because she’s not too sure herself how it works. Then I asked her if it was something she had set up, because seriously, that’s diabolical genius. She has everyone in the office believing they are in control of their own thermostat, when really there is a faceless person somewhere actually in control.

Oh crap! I forgot I was in digression mode and have completely left behind my whole point. My whole point being, at the time of hire these people appeared to posses the element of intelligence, but for some reason or another that element dissolves in a work environment. The reason I say this, with the move we used stackable crates. When the crates are empty you leave them open and you can hold a lot of crates on one dolly. We had pictured instructions on how to handle the crates and while moving no one could seem to follow pictures and now while unpacking people can’t seem to do it either. They are pictures people! And not Japanese picture instructions, like the ones that wordlessly tell you to place part A56 to part E27 and part F35 to Part H765 and presto, you have a slanted bookshelf because you probably didn’t realize that A was actually F because the picture instructions weren’t drawn to scale. These were simple pictures, with a few English words in complete sentences thrown in too, you had the instructions and then you had visuals in case the words were too difficult! Yet, as I went downstairs to our crate return most of them were not stacked the right was, so I spent half an hour fixing their mistakes!
I’m hungry, and it’s making me agitated, so I’d better go.

Chapter 142: That place between sleep and awake

So I’ve discovered that I’m a jerk, I mean I’ve always known that I am one, but I usually can hide it. All of my life I was sick of people thinking that I am always joking because I would say things to people seriously and they would laugh. Ms. X did that a lot, I would tell her how I really felt about her but with a smile, so I found I could say anything I wanted to and she would think it was a joke, i.e., “You’re a slut,” “I can’t stand you,” and the list goes on and on. I would choose words that were slightly more subtle of course, but I still got some of my aggression out of the way.
Well, I’m beginning to think that I reached that delicate line where people begin to realize that I’m not kidding. Granted there are still times that I am kidding, but there are certain people where if you know enough of how I feel about them you know I’m not kidding.
For example, yesterday I was talking to Nurse Betty who is moving to Maryland and told her that I wanted to come visit her after she moves and SF-HB was in ear shot and she said, “Yeah me too,” and I quickly, and I mean quickly, faster than a speeding bullet, surprised myself – quickly responded, “Not with you!” Did I mean it? Yes. Did I mean to say it? No. But it came out; I’m tired of Ms. Tagalong always inviting herself when I say I want to do something. It’s not an invitation, we’re not in Eskimo country where they suggest something and hope you take them up on the offer, we’re amongst rude middle class Caucasians, you need a specific invite. I.E. “Slut faced ho bag, I was thinking of going to visit Nurse Betty in Maryland would you like to come with me?” Which of course would never happen anyway, but that’s more of how it would be worded if I wanted her to come along. Me telling Nurse Betty that I want to visit her has no traces of an invitation for SF-HB to tagalong.
But that’s just one example of me being a jerk to someone’s face. Earlier that day SF-HB came up to Petunia and me right before church and asked where she should sit, I pointed across the room and Petunia said ‘outside’. That really was joking though, I didn’t care if SF-HB sat with me, but who do you think it got pointed out more for the rude comment? Me. No one mentioned Petunia’s rude comment; I at least let her stay inside.
So as the day went on I realized that I was a jerk. I don’t know how long I’ve been a public jerk, but I began to feel a little bad. Not a lot bad, because despite what people say you can feel partially bad, but not all the way. It’s like a candle with a flickering light about to die. It can partially be glowing, withering in the place between death and life, still able to make one final choice or go completely out. I am a flickering candle, to be a jerk or not to be a jerk that is the question. So with my partially feeling bad I didn’t want to apologize to SF-HB (I didn’t do it begrudgingly, but I wondered if there was a need to do it or not) but I knew that it was the right thing to do. So when we were both down stairs I apologized to her, telling her that I realized I am a jerk, but I was worse than normal. So then she starts going off and I’m biting my tongue because I just told her I was going to work on not being a jerk. But she’s saying how she was talking to Packrat about it and wondering if she had done anything to upset me and was worried I really hated her. I lied and told her that I didn’t, because sometimes you should lie. She said that she thought maybe it had to do with her hanging out with Packrat all the time, and I had to bite my tongue again and said, “No, it’s definitely not that, don’t worry about that.” When what I wanted to say was, “Oh no, that’s exactly what I want to keep happening because it keeps you out of my hair.” So help me if she tries harder, we’ll have to have a smack down. But she kept going on and on, egoistically thinking that it the reason I was treating her the way I have been was all due to my jealously. I may suffer from the green eyed monster but it has never involved anything regarding SF-HB. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was simply based on the fact that I can’t stand her.
Anyway, the whole point being, I’m feeling rather rude lately, and I think I’m going to try to be nicer to people…well, you know, to their faces. I’ll still update on a regular basis.

Chapter 141: Punch Lists

So my project today at work was to type up the “Punch lists” into a spreadsheet. A punch list, for those of you who don’t know, is like a filling out a list of problems when you first move into an apartment or a rental house. Pretty much you are stating what damages were there before so you don’t get in trouble when they are still there at the end. But our punch list isn’t only that, it’s to fix as many damages as we can. In no way is a punch list to be mistaken with a wish list. Today I had 16 punch lists to enter into our spreadsheet so that we can be organized and stay on top of things. From these 16 punch lists I have chosen my 6 top things that I will never forgive them for writing down.

Number 6: “A plant for the corner next to my credenza.” I’m not even going to give commentary on this one.
Number 5: “Small.” I’m assuming this person was referring to the size of her workstation and how she is not happy with it. My response, we can always leave you in the old building (which is where I am still at for one more day) or the other advice I’ll freely give, downsize.
Number 4: “Need keys to my desk.” This was from one of the managers. If this particular manager had ready any of the e-mails involving the move he would have known that he, and he alone was responsible for those keys. This is what we call an SOL situation.
Number 3: “I don’t like my cube, it is too open, a lot of noise, winds, airy, people walk by, noise disturbs my work. Please relocate me to another quiet corner cube.” First off, your manager, not HR, placed you in that cube, talk to him first. Secondly, there are seriously winds disturbing your work? We are inside.
Number 2: “I would like my air conditioning cut off, it makes a lot of unpleasant noise giving me a terrible headache. Can’t sleep at night.” That last part sounds like a personal problem. Also, if we cut off the AC in that part of the building you’re going to be getting many more unpleasant noises, that of the 20 other people in your department complaining about how warm it is.
Number 1: “Lights do not stay on in office.” To the unknowing person this seems like an electrical problem. But the truth of it is, we have an even bigger problem here, it’s called management, because the lights will turn on when you enter the room and they will stay on, unless there is a long period of inactivity. Way to rat yourself out.

Other than that we had 8 “wish list” items. Just in case you’re trying to do the math, some people put more than one “complaint” on a punch list. Out of 28 issues I have recorded (from the 16 punch list) 11 of them were actual issues that we were looking for and hopefully are the only ones we’ll attend to, because honestly these people are ridiculous and while I’m excited to get to the new building I am not excited to see many of those people, because I’ve got my own “punch list” and it just keeps growing.

Chapter 140: Death and Sadness are two inevitables of life

Denial - (1): refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge)
(2): a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality
— in denial : refusing to admit the truth or reality of something unpleasant.

My aunt died today.

I’m sitting here at work because I don’t want to tell my boss that she died and I need to go to my parent’s house. I keep thinking that I can just make it through the last two hours and I probably could because as you can see above, I think I am in denial. It’s so easy to do when you aren’t physical near someone. Part of me just thinks that I’m a selfish brat who doesn’t like to have life interrupted. For example, I’d appreciate all of you reading this to not mention this to anyone. I don’t want MM, SF-HB, or Packrat knowing. The worst one being SF-HB, I don’t like how she’ll try to mother me and make everything better. Do you see what I am saying about the flaws in my own character? I mean, I know that I am a jerk, but even in this moment I’m concerned about how these people will treat me should they find out.
I am upset about my aunt, just to make things clear, I just don’t like to share that side of myself with many people. My boss and coworkers included. My sister called me at work and I was talking to her, trying to console her and make sure she is okay but also being careful with my words because I didn’t want anyone who could hear me to know that something major had happened. When I hung up the phone Dilbert asked if everyone was okay and I paused because, ‘no’ not everyone is okay. But I decided to say that everyone was going to be fine. Because what’s the point in bringing it up at work? What are they going to be able to do for me?
So instead I am sitting here at my desk, writing this and trying to convince myself that she is gone. I guess it’s just a little hard for me because two weeks ago I was in her house talking to her. It’s not like she was healthy and chipper, she was groggy from the pain medication and had to take a lot of naps, but she was there. I’m just so grateful that I went up to see her, that I didn’t shy away because sick people make me uncomfortable, not in the contagious way, but in the fragile way, I worry I’ll hurt them. I’m glad I gave her a hug and told her I love her. The part I feel the worst about is that my dad has a plane ticket to go up there tomorrow, he’s still going, but I’m sad for him because he was one day away from being with her. He wanted to go last weekend but couldn’t get tickets, so he settled for this weekend and it wasn’t soon enough.
It just makes me think of all the things I put off, all the things I should just do today because maybe you don’t have a tomorrow, and I know I sound like some lame e-mail forward, but it’s true. I have procrastinator’s blood following through my veins, things are done just as easily tomorrow as they could be done today, but that’s not always the case. And even when you know that you have a limited time, you keep thinking that it will be stretched to the max. I honestly believed she’d be with us for at least 6 more weeks.
Okay, I was getting ready to go to the bathroom and fix myself up because I started crying and my boss came over. I was trying to act like I was okay, but when people specifically ask me what’s wrong when something is wrong I can say “nothing,” but can’t keep from crying. I hate that. So I cried in front of my boss. I hate it, hate it, hate it. She kept asking what was wrong and I told her that it wasn’t work related, so she didn’t need to worry about that. Finally she got it out of me, I told her my Aunt died. She kept asking me if I wanted to go home, but honestly I think it’s better for me to just stay here and keep working, especially since we have to be completely packed up by tomorrow 5 pm. So I told her that I need to stay at work, she asked if I was going to need time off and I told her I wasn’t going to be able to go to the funeral, so no. I’ll pack up my stuff just in case my family needs me more than work tomorrow, and I’m sure that she’ll understand.
So I’ve been helping her pack, which at first I was worried would just be standing next to her as she packed, I can’t do that, I need to be doing something that will keep me busy, not keep me mindlessly staring. But then she just had me pack up her filing cabinet so I got to work. It was good, and the best part about it, after I insisted on staying and that it would be best not to talk about it, she stopped. I would laugh at certain things and felt a little guilty (one of the reasons I don’t like people to know these things, so I don’t feel guilty if I find something funny) but she joked around with me, laughed at the jokes I made and then we pulled in Dilbert and we were joking around. It’s what I needed.

Chapter 139: Ease Dropping

So I’m sitting here, at this moment, listening to SF-HB and Packrat talking about me! They are up in the kitchen and I’m down four stairs in my bedroom and SF-HB is telling packrat how I didn’t seem to approve of the quote that packrat said the other night. The one I obviously didn’t approve of because I blogged about it. I’m guessing they don’t think that I can hear them, because they are trying to talk softer and I was half tempted to say, “I can hear you!” but wanted to hear more of what they were saying about me. Hushed voices, and some laughs about how I’m not as crude as they are, etc. etc. etc. then someone walked in so I missed my chance. So do I walk upstairs and let them feel uncomfortable? Let’s see. Okay no reaction, they had no idea I heard them.
But I did keep going and went upstairs to see Moxie. So we are having people over tonight to watch Batman and Moxie suggested we get Little Caesar’s pizza, $5 a pizza as I recall and SF-HB and Packrat wanted Papa John’s. Never since the beginning of time has Papa John’s offered cheap pizzas. When I was making brownies Packrat was telling me how SF-HB had some coupons so it was the same price and I asked her how many pizzas we were ordering. It seems to have gone over their heads that just because the total is the same doesn’t mean that the quantity is the same. In fact, two pizzas is less than four, so if you do the math we are in fact paying more. But you know what? They are apparently the smart ones, so…whatever, they must be right.
I don’t even care that they were talking about me, because it’s not like Moxie and I weren’t doing it the other night. In fact I’m a little happy I heard them, makes me feel better for being such a jerk, because deep down we’re all jerks on the inside.

Chapter 138: Write it in the Book.

So SF-HB has been bothering me again, oh what the heck she hasn’t stopped. I mean, we have our moments, but she’s got horrible timing. Last night I get home from Institute in my cranky mood, so I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Sometimes I think she hears me come in because she seems to come down the moment I get in my room, but that wasn’t true for last night, I’ve just wanted to get that out for a while now. But last night she comes in my room telling me that Packrat had the funniest quote for our quote wall (we are going to have a wall of quotes with funny/embarrassing things that we say…just like college). So she apparently came down to write it on one of my post-it notes because she doesn’t seem to own any paper or pens (remember I was already cranky at this time). So I just say, “ok” and she says, “Do you want to hear it?” and I was half tempted to say, “Why? I can read it in two seconds.” But I bit my tongue and said, “Sure.” Do you see my effort? Even when cranky and anti social I am trying to watch the things I say to people’s faces. So she tells me the quote which to me isn’t the least bit funny in fact I find it incredibly inappropriate (for print, because let’s face it, I don’t have the cleanest comments out there but I try not to document my perversion) but to avoid being accused of ‘yelling’ at her I don’t say anything about how I don’t want that comment anywhere near mine, I don’t want to be overtly perverted by association. But I can tell you something else I didn’t do, I didn’t give her the laugh to make her feel okay. Sometimes I do that for people when they say something stupid or awkward I try to make them not feel so stupid or awkward, but I wasn’t in the mood, nor do I think that comment would have ever gotten that out of me despite whatever mood I was in. This means I stared at her with a straight face and a slight nod of my head. Yeah SF-HB you apparently don’t know what I would find funny. But she’s going on about how hard she was laughing, “Really?” I think to myself, “That’s the kind of statement that gets you rolling? You’re more immature than I thought.” I pictured a bright neon sign above her head blinking, “Trying too hard”. Then she asks me if everything was okay…why because I didn’t laugh at your story? Welcome to the real world, I’m not coddling anyone in this house; if they say something that I don’t actually think is funny they aren’t going to get a laugh. Except for Moxie because she gives me crack right before she tells me stories, and then I can’t help myself. I just don’t see the point in wasting the energy on something that’s not remotely humorous. SF-HB is in my personal burn book.

Chapter 137: This isn't going to be a good week for me.

Tonight I went to Institute. I love institute, I look forward to it each week. This week in particular has been long and arduous so needless to say I was extra excited to get my weekly dose of Institute. My first sign that it wasn’t going to go well was when I drove up to the building to see the parking lot chained off. There were cars in the parking lot, but I’m not sure how they got in, so I drove down the street a ways and found a parking spot on the street, praying that I didn’t overlook a sign saying not to park there. As I was walking up to the building I started to climb over the chain and then proceeded to trip and had I fallen my hand or face would have landed scathingly close to a random pile of dog poo in the parking lot. So the silver lining here was that while I looked like an idiot tripping and hopping around on one foot, I didn’t get shit-faced. Sorry, I couldn’t resist the joke.
So I warily enter the building because maybe we don’t have class and for some reason cars got trapped in the parking lot. But I enter and there are quite a few people already in there, the teacher is gone so we have a substitute and amongst the crowd of students are N.T.R., Dog Whisperer, Coz, Tyrant, and MM…perfect, my favorite combination of people assembled into one room (sarcasm). N.T.R. and Dog Whisperer are doing their usual, taking any comment made by the teacher and turning it around to be all about them. While one of them was going off I got up and played my bathroom card a little too early in the game. I come back and the teacher is talking and I’m praying that he can pretend to not see N.T.R. and Dog Whisperer raising their hands, but he keeps calling on them and they are saying the most random things and I’m wondering if N.T.R. thinks that institute is an open forum to ask whatever random question he wants, and Dog Whisperer is doing a plug for comic books because he keeps whipping out quotes and antidotes from them.
As if that weren’t bad enough the two girls who came in after me are chatting up a storm so it’s either their constant whispering or it’s one of the boys and their outlandish comments, the teacher, who is supposed to be teaching on one individual is pretty much teaching on another, telling us stories we have all heard before but then thinking it’s okay because he’ll say, “And I didn’t know this, this is from her journals,” or something like that, weakly trying to relate it back to the person he is supposed to be teaching us about, which only bugged me more. So I’m writing down my thoughts for the blog and working on my story but the girls next to me won’t shut up and I don’t know who they are because they have never been before but I’m tempted on more than one occasion to say, “Not to be rude but could you guys please be quiet.” See, I would have said ‘please’. But I can’t figure out why they bothered coming, why not just go out to eat, Institute is not your free hang out in the city. New flash, you’re not cool, you’re annoying. At this point I was secretly wishing I hadn’t already emptied my bladder because it would have been a good moment to take a walk to the bathroom, possibly taking my stuff with me and exiting out the front door, but no, I mistakenly thought the worst part was when I first walked in. I didn’t know it could get worse than that. I’ve never left institute cranky but tonight I was cranky, I turned up my music and wondered what happened to the class I loved so much. I miss when the class was small and the people were normal, now it’s being infiltrated by individuals I spend a great amount of energy avoiding.
Usually after class I help put the chairs back and I hang out and talk to people, but knowing the list of people in the room I think you can understand that I put just my chair back and walked straight to the front door without saying goodbye to a single soul, I didn’t want Tyrant stopping me to order me to do something for church, I didn’t want Coz and his innate sleaziness approaching me, I’m sick of giving N.T.R. the ghetto high fives and Dog Whisperer pointing out the symmetry of my jewelry, and I’m sick and tired of MM acting like we’re best friends when I know it’s not that way behind my back.
We’ve got to stop announcing in church that there’s institute.

But it brings me to another point. In church on Sunday MM says, “So I heard your aunt is sick,” because I was talking to someone about going up to Michigan for the 4th. It doesn’t bother me that Diva probably told her because there weren’t many people I told, I wrote it in here. But I don’t tell people these things because I’m not a natural downer (I know, hard to believe) but I don’t like splashing my personal life all over the place, I know that’s a difficult concept for MM to conceive because she likes an audience and she likes to be the tortured victim, but that’s not who I am. But as I said, I don’t mind that she was told, what bothered me was that she brought it up to me. To me that’s just bad manners, yes, someone else may have told you my business, but don’t act like I directly told you and be so bold to bring it up to me while I’m talking to someone else. We’re not bonding here. So I nodded my head, “yes, she’s sick.” Then she asked if she was going to get better or if she was better and I shook my head, no, she’s not ever going to get better. “What’s wrong” ….information pumper. She’s got cancer, then she asks, what kind, I told her every kind in the book. Then I told her that she has 3-6 weeks without chemo, but even with it no more than 6 months…by the way, that’s the latest update, 6 months to a year quickly dwindled down to 3-6 weeks in a matter of days. I let her try to console me, but I’ve made my peace, I had the opportunity to go see her, to spend time with her. I was able to tell her I love her which to be honest I have probably never said, not because I didn’t love her but because I rarely get to see her. Finally I ended the conversation and went back to class. It just peeved me that she approached me with that, because honestly, if I wanted to talk to her about it I would have brought it up with her directly. Ugh, this is the longest week of my life.
Tuesdays suck.

Chapter 136: My Saturday in a Nutshell

Yesterday we had Enrichment. Last time we had enrichment we had a total of 6 people, and three of them were there to teach us how to dance. So I was a bit nervous about the attendance this time, especially because I had opened it up to the guys. We had 15 people there! Which seems like a sad and pitiful number but I was elated. That’s the best attendance we’ve had so far. Only 1 was a guy though, which was odd, but I’m grateful at least one decided to show up. Totally disappointed in the others though.
Afterwards I think I got asked out by the lone guy. He came up to ask if we needed any help cleaning up and I told him I think we have it because all the stuff to clean up would have to be done after everyone stopped eating. Beans jumps in and starts to get on my case about not accepting his help in front of him. She’s a little impassioned sometimes, I think it comes from not having enough drama in her own life. So she tells him he can haul the trash out when we are done, and then he explains that he has to leave soon because he has a date at 1. Then Beans goes off on how the guys don’t date, she’s not even in the single’s ward for goodness sakes. Then he mentions that for his date he’s actually the third wheel because his date cancelled the night before. Then he “nonchalantly” I put quotation marks because it wasn’t really, but I feel certain that was the desired effect, asks me if I want to go. I was a bit thrown off by it and had opened my mouth to respond though for the life of me had no clue what was about to come out when my sister interrupts and tells him I already had plans (which is completely true, I had planned three weeks ago to go out to lunch with my mom and my sisters afterwards since I had invited all of them to come to Enrichment). Still it seemed rude to me. I did apologize though, because I felt bad that his date cancelled and wondered who his date had been. Then I began to wonder if the only reason he came was to try and get someone to go on this date with him last minute. Which I didn’t mind because two weeks ago when I announced it I said, “Whatever gets you there.” So you know, whatever gets you to Enrichment, I’m not going to judge.
Speaking of dating, horrible thing to say though I’m going to say it, I kind of miss DND. I don’t think that we would work because as I have said before there was no attraction, no desire to be close to him or hold his hand or anything like that. But sometimes when I think about dating I think about how easy it would have been to just date DND, the guy was strangly really into me, if only I had liked him in return. We are friends on Myspace, that’s how he originally asked me out, and so I looked at his profile and he has a new picture and he’s in a renaissance outfit because it’s summer time and he does the renaissance fairs. My initial thought was that it was a cute outfit. The renaissance stuff, the dungeons and dragon stuff, none of that truly bothered me…so why couldn’t I be attracted to him? Sorry, just a little moment there. It’s past. Let’s move on to the good stuff.
SF-HB tells me this morning that she’s not feeling well and she’s debating whether or not to go to church, and my response, “You already made that decision last week,” and she’s all, “No, it has nothing to do with that.” So I’m supposed to just believe it’s a coincidence that last week you told me you don’t plan to come for the next two weeks and suddenly you’re “sick” this morning. But not too sick because you seem to be fine and chipper until you decide to tell someone that you aren’t going to make it, and then you put on the pouty face. She says to me, “Don’t make me feel bad.” And I said, “Sorry in advance, but that’s what I do.” I’m not going to try to appease people like that, I have too many of them in my life. Sister-in-law is one of them and I can’t stand how she always comes up with an excuse not to go to church, just face it, you’re inactive, embrace it rather than trying to put up a front and act like you’re not. Not that SF-HB is inactive, that was a rant on my sister-in-law. I’m tired of people pretending to be something they aren’t. Maybe I’m just cranky this week who knows, but all I know is that if SF-HB doesn’t come to church I’m left alone with Tyrant…thank you SF-HB I hope you enjoy your afternoon of lying around in your PJs watching Lifetime Originals while I have to fend for myself.
It was so nice for three weeks not to see Tyrant, I was even happy to see her yesterday at Enrichment, but that quickly changed when she called me up last night asking me to make the bulletin for July and August. First off, there is a separate calling for making the bulletin; it is no where in my “job description”. Secondly I don’t have the “template” on my home computer, that’s a ‘bored at work’ thing I do. Thirdly, my printer doesn’t work; it’s not even set up because it hasn’t worked for so long. I still haven’t gotten back to her about it, I have this horrible habit of just ignoring things I don’t want to deal with, I’m so my parent’s child.

Chapter 135: Peer Pressure is supposed to be a problem with teenagers, not young adults.

Why do I always feel so much pressure from Moxie to blog? I can’t even think of what to write at the moment because I’m not feeling strongly about something. Maybe in a few minutes I will be once I get started on something. But at the moment, I’ve got nothing.
As far as updates, last night Moxie was in my room showing me the new books she bought, SF-HB comes in and starts talking with us, then I made the stupid mistake of mentioning that I was going to be in Utah for the midnight release of the new Stephanie Meyers book. Turns out SF-HB will be there too and she thinks that her, Ducky and I should all go to the same place. I think Moxie can attest to my lame, caught off guard response of….’ok’, but said in a particular tone that hopefully didn’t reveal too much of my inner feelings. I don’t want to sound rude, but I probably will because I kind of am, but the last thing I want to do when I’m 2,000 miles away from home is to meet up with my roommate and hang out. I want to get away and it’s not just from the state, it’s from the people (not that they are bugging me or anything, it’s just what vacations are for). I don’t want to hang out with someone I can hang out with at home. It’s the larger scale of hanging out with your roommates at a party. Everyone knows it’s a bad idea, yet they keep doing it. Well, I know hanging out with my roommate while on vacation is a bad idea. I don’t want to hang out with her. In addition to, I’m very selfish with my Ducky time. I haven’t seen her since February, and I’m not going to be in Utah for long, so whatever chance I get to hang out with her I don’t much feel like sharing with someone else from home. I don’t mind meeting her friends out there, that is different, but when two people from 2,000 miles away are vying for the attention of one individual things are bound to get messy. I know I shouldn't make a big deal about it, because it’s probably not a big deal at all, but I am the baby in my family and therefore I’m entitled to be a spoiled brat. In the end it won’t be as bad as I’m imagining it, as long as it’s only for the book release. I absolutely refused to hang out with her more than that. I know it’s harsh, but look at it from my perspective please. I live with her, I don’t need much more time with her than that. Boy, aren’t you guys lucky that when I’m writing I can get more involved and dramatic about the situation than when I was actually living it? Sure does make for some good reading…I hope.
I can move on to boy drama since you’d probably like to hear a little bit of that. It’s not much drama though. Tuesday night in front of a witness I said that I would tell B2 ‘no’ when he asked me to come out to eat after Institute, because I knew he would ask, he always does. I was pretty darn determined to do it too. He showed up late to Institute so for a good hour I was conflicted, him not being there made it a lot easier to say ‘no’ since the question would never be posed, but I was slightly ticked that I had this determination and now nothing to use it on. But he showed up near the end and I prepared myself to say ‘no’. I was talking to a friend after class and he slowly approached and then said, “hey dinner buddy,” I could slash the word ‘buddy’ into a million pieces and it would still irritate me. He asked if I wanted to go out to eat and while doing so rubbed his face against my shoulder like a cat. I said ‘sure’…I hate him. My friend pointed out that he rubbed up against me like a cat so I scratched by his ear and called him a good kitty. What can I say, I hang out with my nephews too much, they are always pretending to be puppies and I scratch by their ears and talk to them like I would my dog, well a little nicer than I would my dog. So then he goes around and collects other people to come while I continue to talk to my friend and curse myself on the inside. I used to be so good at resisting peer pressure.
So as I’m talking to my friend I turn around and see that everyone who was going out to eat has disappeared, so I tell my friend I’d better get going. I get out of the building and see a car similar to B2’s driving away and think they left me, which hurts a little, but I get in my car and start to call B2 and ask where we are going when I see him come out the building. Which was an odd feeling since I thought he was already gone. I told him to ignore my phone call that he had already ignored and he said he would. Then he said that everyone was still inside, I suppose eating snacks around the corner (yes, eating before we go out) or going to the bathroom. So I went back in and kept talking to my friend and the teacher, then B2 came over and signed that we were leaving now, he actually signed, which worked out well since I know sign language. So I signed ‘ok’ back, but even then we weren’t really leaving. So I kept talking to the teacher and my friend.
Finally we got the group to get to the parking lot, there was talk of carpooling, but I just hopped in my car, I don’t like the idea of being separated from it. I watched the other people in my rearview because I was just going to be following them. Then B2 and this girl, Hiccup, are standing by the doors of my car and are asking if they can get a ride. So I let them in and we follow the other car to the restaurant.
I go to sit down and find myself sandwiched between two guys, not bad, but considering I’ve given up that portion of my life for a while I wasn’t as thrilled as I would have been a week ago, that added to the fact that where I was sitting I couldn’t really enter the conversation, rather I folded and unfolded my napkin for a while, occasionally saying something when asked a question. Then I got a text from Moxie saying I was missing girl talk, which I naively mistakened for missing a rumpus round of the 80’s game, Girl Talk. So I hopped out of the booth dialing her number to check on the action I was missing. She then informed me that it was just regular girl talk, as in girl bonding. Oddly enough I was okay with that.
I return to my seat to find that the Law student who had been on my right had already taken liberties with moving my glass of water to his former seat and now he was in my former seat. Knowing the disadvantages of my former seat I let him think he had a sweet victory when really it would turn out to be a bitter loss. Still, I was sandwiched between two guys, so I’m still doing better than the other two girls at the table. But not I had a wise crack to my left who apparently only said his jokes to me because he was taking a chance that I would appreciate them, he says, because I was Moxie’s roommate so we must have a similar sense of humor. Turns out we just might, and to my right I had the quiet smart ass, who would randomly say things to me, such as calling me strange because I balanced a knife on my finger…well excuse me if it’s some fine craftsmanship and I want to be like on Pirates of the Caribbean where I balance the full width of the blade. So I give Mr. Justice of the Peace a knife so he can feel it for himself and he agreed it was a fine knife. Now having him on my side I decided to balance a knife on either pointer finger, I was doing good until I tried to be all western and flip them in to be caught in my hands…at that moment I dropped one on the floor and repeated that our waiter probably hated me (I had already made a bad impression with the water).
Wise Crack kept bringing up things like "Comfort" the resturaunt B2 and I went to on our date and Frisbee gold the activity from our date and B2 would say, "Yeah, Honey and went there" or "Honey and I did that." Not that it bothered me, but well, I guess in a way it did otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it, but it doesn't seem to bother me...I don't know, it's difficult to explain.
When we were finished and had gone back to everyone’s cars I thanks Hiccup and B2 for inviting me….to drive. I just wanted to make it clear that I had not volunteered, but had been volunteered. It’s okay though, because I usually get lost after we go out to eat, but this time we returned to our starting point, and a place I was familiar with.
Well, if this entry is lame you can all blame Moxie for putting pressure on me to write when I didn’t have much of any importance to say, so this will probably be it until next week.

P.S. B1 is engaged, but unfortunately not planning to get married until January, I was hoping for sooner. Bummer.

Chapter 134: Sticks Shifts and Safety Belts

Last night we had FHE downtown in a park, we were going to play capture the flag. The main reason that I went to FHE was because my friend was teaching the lesson and I wanted to show her my support, I had no intention of playing capture the flag. Moxie and I drove separately, though I think we both planned all along to leave at the same time, its okay though, because I had to go grocery shopping afterwards and seeing as how I stopped by my old training store I was there for a while.

Anyway, after the lesson Moxie and I discussed our course of action, should we leave? Should we play? Should we stand around? Standing around sounded like the best option. I was standing a ways away from the crowd and I heard NTR say my name, though there could have been another girl with my name, it’s not like its uncommon, but I could have sworn he said he wanted to be on my team. Just one of many reasons I was glad I was standing further away from the crowd. NTR turns to see me further away and asks if I am leaving, I don’t remember my response, something about just standing back or something.

As Moxie and I are talking we both noticed Desperate at the same time, Moxie quickly turned her back on him to face me and told me to walk straight towards Chill and avoid eye contact. She told me to also keep her in deep conversation, well, the appearance of deep conversation. I can look serious without being serious, it’s a natural ability of mine. So we began to walk away from Desperate as he began to walk towards us. We walked up to Chill and I hit him, mostly just because I wanted to hit someone. As we are all talking NTR (because we have ventured closer to him to move away from Desperate) comes up and puts his arm around me. He asks me what’s up and I say “not much” because that’s the only acceptable answer to that question, it’s the awkward “How are you?” when people expect you to say, “Fine” because no one really cares. I asked him back and he said the same thing. Then he walked off, thank goodness. I think they’ve been having conversations with him about how to act around the girls. I leaned into Moxie and said, “If I get hugged one more time I’m leaving.”

Even though I felt as though Moxie and I had decided not to play we both ended up playing, and on opposite teams. A kid on the other team as me had the same shirt on, I think that’s worse than having on the same shirt as another girl because you know that one or the other bought the shirt from the other gender’s department, and in my case it was me. So I’m trying to avoid standing anywhere near the kid who has the same shirt on as he’s going for the flag. It made me realize that I don’t dress like a girl should probably dress, and that maybe be one of many reasons I am in Buddyland. However, while it bothered me, I don’t think it bothered me enough to do anything about it at this point in time.

Ms. X was there too, she, believe it or not, gave me a hug, but I had meant a hug from NTR. I don’t know what happened, but she has been stand-offish since she got back from her mission and then suddenly after last week’s FHE she seemed to want to be best friends again, something I never intend to do again in my life. I don’t have a problem being nice to her because I feel like she needs some people being nice to her, but I will under no circumstances be “best friends” with her or tell her if I have an interest in anyone. I got tense after I mentioned that I had tried to guard Dirty during the game, even though I have no feelings for him my mind quickly screamed reminders to not mention anyone I like while in her presence. It’s sad that I feel this way, but it’s brought on by past experiences.

The game ended quickly, that was probably due to lame location. An open field is not a fun place to play capture the flag, you need it to be like in Salute Your Shorts when they played. A nice wooded area, enough room to actually have a strategic plan, a prison with guards, you know the basics. Since the game was actually won because a member of my team cheated Moxie and I decided it was a good time to leave, who wants to play with cheaters? All this in addition to the fact that I feel old, there were a lot of young girls there, and while there was a mix of guys older and younger than me, they all seemed interested in the younger girls. I know that I shouldn’t have low self esteem and part of me really doesn’t care if they pay more attention to the young girls because I have no real interest in the guys, but it still affects you nonetheless. It’s like with Cheery, with Institute I’ve got him all to myself pretty much, there aren’t many girls who come and even less who hang out afterwards, so I can get to know him then and we talk and everything, but at every other activity I barely get to talk to him. I don’t like Cheery in that way, I would like to get to know him better and I do think he’s cute, but I’m tired of him only noticing me when there are no other girls around.

As we were leaving I was telling Moxie how I just don’t care anymore, maybe not in those words, but I’ve kind of given up, bad idea I know, but I want to focus on enjoying my time in the single’s ward rather than worrying about if I can attract a guy or get a boyfriend. I really love the church and I feel like my appreciation for it grows everyday but for some reason when I am with the members of the church I end up feeling down. I know they should affect me the way that they do, but they do. So I’m going to try and not to care about them, but just enjoy the gospel for now.


On a venting note, my house has been over taken with New Newbie’s AKA The Packrat’s belongings. I went away for the weekend (Duh right? I told you that) and while I was gone Packrat finished moving in. She had said she had a lot of stuff and I shrugged it off because I say I have a lot of stuff, but I’m used to keeping it in my room, with me. I noticed the kitchen first last night, it was disgusting. For those of you who have been reading this from the beginning (pretty much Sweet Pea) you know that this (Brutally Honest) thing started because I lived with slobs. Now I am not calling all my roommates slobs, just packrat, and I’m not even going to call her a slob yet because I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that once she gets settled things will be more organized. But for now it’s driving me crazy. There are pots and pans on the stove (dirty mind you) and dishes in the sink even though the dishwasher is dirty. There are jars of peanut butter on the counter and last night when I went to slide one little thing into the freezer I couldn’t find any room. It drove me insane. I had to pull out a million and one individually wrapped frozen chicken breasts and a few frozen dinners before I could put my item in. Then the fridge is just as bad. With three people it wasn’t too packed, so I guess I thought, “How much more could one person add?” oh plenty. I bought some milk, a carton of OJ and some yogurts and had difficulty rearranging things so I could fit it in there. If this persist past this weekend I’m calling an roommate meeting (akin to my apartment meetings that I had out at school). What would this mean? It would mean returning to dish days, assigning drawers in the freezer and fridge, having trash days, and enforcing the law. I wouldn’t want a single soul to enter the house right now, it’s in disarray. It took me ten minutes to pull a piece of Tupperware out of the cupboard because there was so much crap packed into it. We don’t need all of there, she can pack up some of it. We don’t need her platter taking up the top shelf in our pantry, she can put it above, she can pack it away, when is she going to use that thing?

The counter looks nasty because she has to have all of her cooking utensils out in the open. I know I’m being a bit OCD, but this kind of stuff really bothers me. Hello? There are other people living in the house thank you very much. I didn’t think I was signing up to live with another MM. I should probably say something to her before it really begins to bug me, but how do you politely tell someone that they are overtaking the house?Sometimes I think it would have been better to wait for the new girl in August, college students always have less

Chapter 133: Tell like it is.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go up to Michigan. I’ve written previously that my aunt is sick and that the doctor gave her 6 months to a year. How strange how a doctor who doesn’t really seem to know what he is doing can give you an expiration date. When we got there she was in the hospital, she had more tests done because apparently they can give you a timeline before they can actually tell you what is wrong. We were there with her sons, my cousins, who are hilarious so conversation was light and easy despite the dismal surroundings. I’ll tell you what; hospitals do nothing for the hope factor.
Saturday my aunt was out of the hospital and all the family was gathering at her house for a big to do. I’d like to refer to it as a family reunion, because despite the fact that we were the only out of towners in the family a lot of them haven’t seen each other in a while. It was interesting, mostly because I had no clue who they were. It’s strange to be surrounded by complete strangers but know that they are all family. Most of my time was spent figuring out who everyone was. It’s a culture shock too; in Michigan people “connect” in high school (one of my cousins “connected” with his girlfriend in summer school) not really sure what that means beyond the fact that they started dating, but my aunt made it a point to say that they ‘connected’ and I could hear the sarcasm oozing from her voice, she obviously thinks it’s stupid. Connected people will probably end up parents by the time they graduate, as most of my cousins have. I have a younger cousin, 19, who was pregnant when she graduated. It seems to be the norm up there, no one says anything about it. My other cousin, who is no older than 21 (actually these are both second cousins, so their kids are my third cousins) was in school for nursing and is just getting back after having a baby with her boyfriend. My older cousin who already has a daughter is pregnant again, but they haven’t explained that to her because she will be giving up the baby. It was strange and slightly appalling to see how she was. She seems in no way connected with the baby, hasn’t stopped smoking; she’s two weeks away from her due date and was mowing the grass and riding around on a go-cart.
Two of my older male cousins still live at home (they are well into their 30’s, past the midway mark). One of them is the older brother of the pregnant one I just spoke of. My sister and I can’t figure out why he’s single, except for the fact that he’s been in a long distance relationship with a woman in Tennessee for the past decade, who he rarely goes down to see and neither of them are willing to leave where they live. The other one works for a paint company inventing things. He invented paint that can roll on like a white board (you know, like they already have paint that paints on like a chalk board). He’s very well off, but most of that is probably because he’s never really had to spend his money, he’s always lived at home and he doesn’t date so what else is he going to spend it on other than cars? It’s just strange to me, why would you want to run the risk of ending up completely alone?
Sorry, didn’t mean to go off on that tangent. I did have a really good time, it was good for my dad to be with his siblings, especially with his older sister (the sick one). I got to know my aunts better and found that one of them and I have a lot in common. Oh, my favorite part about Saturday, my dad tracked down the missionaries in that area and they came to help him give her a blessing, then as is with my family, they were invited to stay and eat with us. So they hung out and helped us set up tents and tables and chairs. Then the food was finally ready so we all got something to eat. These missionaries stayed separate as much as possible for some reason, I don’t know if all missionaries are like that and this is the first time I noticed, but one would be up the hill at a picnic table and the other would be sitting next to my grandpa in a tent by the pond. Then when we were eating one was at one picnic table and the other sitting at the next one. So I sat down with the one who didn’t have anyone sitting with him. His last name is Mills and apparently we have a lot of Mills in the family. So my aunt points out to the other his last name and she finishes chewing and says, “Who’s your grandpa?” Now, Mills is a bit more common than some of the names in our family tree so I start laughing, besides the fact that this guy is from Arizona. So he is a little thrown off and can’t answer right away and my aunt asks him where his people originate from and he’s trying to think and finally he says, “I was born and raised in Arizona,” and my dad tells my aunt that they probably aren’t related and she yells at him, “Don’t burst my bubble he could be my family.”
A couple of things I have discovered – while I knew my sweet tooth came from my dad’s side I never realized how much of it did, and why I always crave sweets, so far I have it traced back to my grandma who would always make super sweet convections and feed them to her children, who developed a taste for super sweet things and passed it on to their kids. The dessert table at this thing was almost as big as the food table. Don’t even get me started on how much food there was! And people kept bringing it! The worst part though was that we were there for about 11 hours and I think we ate the whole time! Small breaks here and there but I don’t know how many “meals” I had. Time to get back to eating normally and losing weight.
So we left yesterday around 1 pm. We meant to leave my noon, but considering we were at my aunt’s house saying ‘goodbye’ none of us complained that we stayed a little longer. The part that bugged me was when we hit Pennsylvania and got about 30 miles down in an hour and half. As we drove towards home we drove towards a huge storm cell, pretty exciting, I think the lightening blinded me at least three times! We got back to my parents, unpacked our stuff from the car and I headed home right away, getting me to the house pretty close to midnight. SL-HB was parked by my door so I pulled in as close as I could, ran my stuff in (it was raining) and then moved my car to the street. Then I ran back for the garbage because I think that’s going to be my weekly chore, I don’t mind, it gives me a sense of purpose.
I come into my room and SL-HB is in the bathroom brushing her teeth, so she comes in to complain about her day. All valid, all very valid complaints, but you have to remember that I had been on the road for 11 hours, I was exhausted and cold and wet. So she’s telling me how Tyrant (named so because that’s what she is) showed up to church yesterday when she had said that she wouldn’t be there, none of us were going to be there except for SL-HB and Tyrant told her that she had to teach the lesson on Sunday. So Tyrant shows up and doesn’t say anything to SL-HB about the fact that she did show up. The other girl showed up too but she apologized for having said that she wasn’t going to show up, something came up so she didn’t leave town. So SL-HB went on about her other complaints (they aren’t my complaints so why write them down here?). Then she says, “I don’t think I’ll be at church for the next two weeks. My ears perk up and I say, “Why because of Tyrant?” and yes, I may have had attitude in my voice, but one thing I can’t stand is someone choosing not to come to church because someone else “offended” them. Yes, I have talked about changing my records, but that wasn’t just because of Tyrant, there were other factors and SL-HB knows it, so pretty much I’m saying, I’m not a hypocrite, though, we all are in a little way. She gets a little flustered, “well, yeah, but,” and I interrupted and reminded her that she is getting ready to go to the Temple so she shouldn’t let other people begin to get in the way of that. Then she says that maybe she’ll come to sacrament, and my old day pig headedness may have come out but I was shaking my head because that’s stupid, aside from the fact that she’d be leaving me alone with Tyrant. Then she says that at least one of the Sundays she won’t be there or she’ll be late or something because her and the new Newbie (our fourth roommate who just moved in) have really wanted to go to some restaurant because they have a Sunday brunch so they are finally going to do that. I just shook my head and said, “I’m not even going to say anything about that,” and I may have repeated it because I was ticked off. She’s trying to go to the Temple of all places! I think that if you are ready to go to the Temple you should be able to obey the Ten Commandments. They aren’t rocket science.
If you can’t obey the 10 commandments what can you do? They are all relatively easy.
Thou Shalt Not Kill…check, thou shall honor they mother and they father….check, keep the Sabbath day holy…um, unless a restaurant is having a Sunday brunch.
It just bothers me and I know people have their free agency and they can do whatever they please, but what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t tell her she’s being stupid? I mean, that’s what friends are for. Why would you stop coming to church because someone did or said something to you the wrong way, especially when you know that they have no tact, it’s not secret that Tyrant isn’t good with people, I think the whole ward knows it, and it’s not like she’s had to put up with it for as long as I have, one week…you poor thing, try the whole time we’ve had these callings. She wants me to send out the e-mails, to make the bulletin, to welcome people who were just baptized for goodness sakes. I’d never done that before! Granted SL-HB’s complaints are legit, her reaction is over the top, stop coming to church because someone upset you…ugh. Sorry, I’m no better, I know this, but I need people to tell me like it is, otherwise what’s the point of having these friends. Why would I want people who aren’t going to tell me when I’m making a mistake, it’s like having friends who won’t tell you that maybe you should change before you go out for the evening, or tell you when you have food in your teeth or your fly is down. Granted, I tend to be overbearing at times, but I was tired, filter was asleep for the day. When I went to brush my teeth she told me pretty much that I made a mistake by ‘yelling’ at her, I may have snapped, I didn’t yell. She said, “That wasn’t a good time to yell at me,” I didn’t realize that there was a good time to be told you’re being petty. Maybe I should make an appointment with her. Besides the fact that I didn’t yell! Then when she went upstairs she made me promise not to yell at her tomorrow. So I said, “I promise I won’t yell at you tomorrow about this.” Didn’t make any promises for Tuesday or for other things she might do or say that might cause me to “yell”. If she wants me to I can demonstrate my yelling capabilities so she will be better able to tell the difference of when I yell and when I snap.

Chapter 132: Bakers and One-Uppers

So I posted the last chapter on Facebook and on my regular blog and I’m surprised at the response! First off, I’m surprised that people actually understand what I am saying because at times I feel like I’m not making any sense, okay, most times I feel like I’m not making any sense. Turns out that B2 read the note; he left a little smart remark about me not dating red heads because I don’t eat chocolate. How insensitive of him to say such a thing when he knows my BFF Ducky is a red head and takes her hair color personally.
Then last night there was a baptism at church and afterwards B2 came up to me and asked if I had been on Facebook yet that day. I nodded and he said, “like, this evening at some point?” and I nodded, I had already read his comment. Then he asked if I read his comment and I said, “Which one?” but then I remembered the other thing had been a message, not a comment. So then he said it was the one on the note I posted about baking and dating. I told him I read it and thought it was pretty clever. So then I asked him what he thought of the note, because I know what the girls think, I think the cakes are going to appreciate the note more than the bakers. So he told me that I put a lot of pressure on the guys, and I said, “Yeah, I know, that’s what I do.” Like I’m going to turn on the girls, now I’ve given the girls grief before with my “D-A-M Feminist Movement” post forever and a day ago, and that’s because the feminist inside every girl needed to hear it, but as far as who is responsible for the delicate details of baking, that’s all up to the boys.
He was beginning to say something else and we got interrupted, and I was bummed, because secretly I like to hear people’s thoughts and opinions on the things that I write. Which is why I always get bummed when people don’t leave comments (hint, hint). And it’s not like I can just say later, “So let’s keep talking about my note I posted.” I mean I could, if I were Ducky I could have easily done it. But then B2 tells whoever has interrupted us that I don’t date red heads, and then I defended myself by saying that was only B2’s assumption, and he said, it’s only half assumption and I said, “which half is the assumption?” and he started to say something but the first words out of his mouth were, “you don’t date,” and he tried to finish but I interrupted and said, “the part that’s not the assumption is that I don’t date?” Gee, thanks.
Then a missionary came into the room and was trying to drain the font and B2 mentioned how we should go for a swim, or better yet, that we should push the missionary in so he could go for a swim. When the missionary finally noticed us in the back of the room he said, “anyone want to go for a swim?” and we told him we had just been talking about that, and then B2 told him that I was just saying how we should push him in. Lies, all lies.
After the baptism Moxie and Duff talked me into going to a party down the street, a party I wasn’t invited to so I felt very strange going. I told Moxie and Duff it was as though they were bringing the school nerd to the popular party and they said it would be like She’s All That, so from then on I waited for some jerk to pour a drink down my shirt. Never happened though, and I knew most of the people so I didn’t feel as strange. But despite knowing most of the people I pretty much just hung out with the same ones.
We discovered Monday night that Fiancé is a conversation one-upper. I began to tell a story about how we had someone pass out at work and before I could tell the interesting details of the event Fiancé says, “You had someone pass out at work? Not to one up you but someone started having seizures at my work today” (or something like that). So yesterday I kept giving him a hard time about being a one-upper. He said that he was really sorry about it and I told him it was okay, I had already forgotten, which he knew was a lie. So then last night it was just him and me on the couch for a while so I kept talking to him because if we sit there quietly it looks like we are ticked off. He kept giving one word responses and I said, “Am I annoying you? Because you give me one word responses.” He shook his head and said, “I’m just not good at carrying on conversations,” and I said, “Yeah I noticed, you’re worse than my first date.” Which, was kind of true, except I like Fiancé a whole lot better than the first boy I went out with. Then I told him that he didn’t have a problem one-upping me in conversation. He apologized again. So he told me to say something to see if he could one up me. So I said, “My dog got hit by a car” (not true by the way, none of my dogs have ever been hit by a car). Then he says, “My little brother was hit by one.” I started laughing not because it’s true but because I knew that happened and I should have seen it coming. How many people could really one-up a dog being hit by a car with a family member being hit by one? Don’t worry his little brother is fine now. However, I got him with my second degree burns on my feet. I knew that would come in handy one day.