Chapter 125: And this is why I don't get asked out.

Last night I finally played spin the bottle. That’s right, it took me 25 years to play a game I should have been finished with by the time I was 16. It’s sad and pathetic, but it’s one of those little milestones I looked forward to. Forget the fact that while our numbers were completely even only one boy was playing; the brave boy was B2 the other three losers sat off to the side cuddling with each other. It kind of made the game suck, because you only got one spin, and since there were no same sex kisses and there were 3 more girls than boy(s?) it meant that there were a lot of wasted turns. It would have been better if the other boys had sucked it up and played with us. It wasn’t even like we kissed on the lips, it was cheek kissing.
Cream (any thoughts on what her name should be?) kissed B2 on the cheek, then B2 had to kiss me on the cheek, and then I kissed B2 on the cheek, I kept thinking later that if I had moxie (the word not the person) then I would have turned and gotten a lip kiss, but alas, I’m this nerdy white girl who has a nervous breakdown anytime a boy even sits near me.
It’s like today at work (at the store, not my full time job), I was ringing up this large order and I happened to look up and make eye contact with this cute guy walking by. I hate making eye contact with boys because I don’t know how to react to them it’s much easier to admire them from a distance when they don’t even know you exist, much less that you are a creepy stalker. So the guy had been in the process of walking the registers to find the best line to go into (I’m assuming here since I don’t actually know). He walks by again, but I watch him out of the corner of my eye this time rather than daring to make eye contact again because that might require an action on my part, like smiling to pretend I’m a friendly person (I am actually a very friendly person and smiled most of the day). Then he stands kind of in line but not really, and it was when other people began to come up that he cemented his place in my line. So then I finish the order and move on to him, and it’s like I want to act like he’s just another customer but I have trouble with that because for some strange reason I do not want him to think I’m flirting with him. I don’t know why I feel this way because why should it matter? I can’t even postulate why I am this way, maybe it’s due to the fact that I only attract weird guys so I don’t want to encourage anyone unless I know what they are like. Doesn’t matter, even my encouragement goes to waste. People don’t pick up on it and that’s mostly because of my Buddy syndrome. Sometimes I feel like I may be flirting, but then I go and make a joke or do something stupid that bolsters my position of buddy, or maybe no one even notices any of that, maybe it’s just that no one is interested.
I’m just tired of trying to read people; it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Like trying to figure B2 out, I don’t know how to react to him because I don’t know exactly what I’m reacting to. I mean, when he says or does something, I don’t know if to play along with the joke or to take him seriously. I could go either way with him, if he’s joking I’ll joke with him, if he’s serious, great, I most certainly wouldn’t mind taking him seriously. I’d be a heck of a lot more comfortable in our interactions that’s for sure. I don’t want to make an idiot of myself if he’s just playing around and just wants to be friends as I get “Charmed” more and more each time we are together. I’m just wondering if I am missing something, if for some reason I’m not seeing everything as clear and straightforward as it is.
Maybe I'm just running on too little sleep right now and need to go to bed.