Chapter 124: I know I said I wouldn't, but hear me out.

I took this post away because I was ashamed of how I acted. But this blog is not about showing my better side, this blog was always about being honest, so to be honest, I am reposting it.

I know that I promised that I wouldn’t write but I didn’t realized I would be so pissed tonight that I wouldn’t be able to think straight. I tried running, I don’t think I cleared a mile, but my head was killing me (my cerebral hemorrhaging) so I needed to turn around.
Coz is a freaking moron; I talked to him on Tuesday about setting up a time that he could let me into the stupid house so I could clean the freaking carpets, because Diva and MM wouldn’t give me a damn key to let myself in the house. If you know Coz and you know his mom then you’d understand why they should just have given me a freaking key. So Tuesday when I left him we had agreed Thursday at 5:30. Then he e-mailed me Wednesday asking if we could push it back to 6. That’s fine, half an hour is fine. So I told him so. Today, the day we were supposed to meet at the house. I went to the store and rented the freaking carpet cleaner, I bought some solution too so that I could get the job done. I head over to the house; I arrive a few minutes past 6. I’m on the phone with my friend and let her keep talking for a while, if Coz calls I would see that and switch over and if he showed up I would have ended the conversation. 6:17 I tell my friend that I should hang up and call Coz because he’s late. I call him around 6:20 and the moron doesn’t pick up his freaking phone. So I leave a message, trying not to sound as completely pissed off as I was. I told him that I rented the carpet cleaner and I was at the house because we agreed on six freaking o’clock. I can’t remember what else I said, except that if he got that message soon he should call me back; otherwise I’d have to work something out. Well, here’s a thought, how about my foot up your ass? Because I’m so pissed that I set aside a time to meet you at the house, and you pushed back, but I was fine with that, what pissed me off and made me so irate was the fact that you weren’t there at 6, you hadn’t called or e-mailed to tell me that you wouldn’t there, and you didn’t pick up your damn phone when I called. So up yours Coz!
So I leave at 6:30, take the machine back to the store, turns out it’s a non-refundable thing, you should probably be pretty damn certain when you rent it that you want to rent it. What the hell, I thought I was, turns out I wasn’t, $40 freaking bucks that I don’t have to spare down the freaking drain. I buy some groceries because I’ve been putting that off as well because I don’t really have a lot of free time on my hands, that’s usually at work when I have nothing to do, when I’m out of work I have things I have to do, sitting in front of a house I never want to go back into is not something on my list of things I want or have to do. Cleaning the damn carpets, was something I had to do, but it is marked off my list, and those of you involved in this ridiculous, blood pressure raising shit should be expecting a letter from me shortly describing why I never want to hear about carpet cleaning ever again. So I’ve got things to do again, believe it or not, I know it’s so freaking difficult to fathom, but the reason I set up a time and a place is so that I don’t waste what little time I have when I’m not at work or trying to sleep.
I run my groceries home and then speed off to meet up with my friends for a movie I planned before I planned the dumb carpet cleaning with Coz. My life is not going on hold for those dumb carpets. 7:50, still no word from Coz. Movie starts, phone is on silent. Coz calls, during the previews, I can’t guarantee that the words coming out of my mouth were clean. I hit ignore, I’m not picking up for that freaking idiot. I feel my phone vibrating later, it’s him again. Movie ends, I check my phone, two missed calls from Coz and a text message. The text message was from 9 o’clock. He says, and I quote, “Hey girl, I am ready to go over the house anytime, I am just chillin at home.” Chill this. I was ready to go over the house at 6, like we had agreed; I’m not ready to go to the house at 9. I’ve already returned the machine, because I don’t have any other time that I could go to the house within the 24 hours I had the machine. I had the time that I set up, I was going to get it done in that time. I don’t have time tomorrow, I’m not going over to the freaking house at 9 pm to clean carpets, there’s no chance in hell. I’d have to return it by 6 o’clock Friday so that I don’t have to pay for another day. I want to punch his face in, I want to go to his freaking house and give him hell. Because I have never been disrespected this badly, and he doesn’t seem to think he has done anything wrong. And I know how he’ll be on Sunday, coming up and acting like he’s done nothing wrong and putting on a show like he gives a damn. He’ll touch my shoulders and my arms and be all, “What’s the matter, why you mad at me,” and I’ll pull my arm away and I’ll ask him if I’m his girlfriend, and when he says, ‘no’, I’ll ask him if I’m his sister, and when he says ‘no’, I’ll ask him if I’m his mother, and when he says ‘no’ to that, then I’ll tell him he has no right to ever touch me, and if he does, I’ll break his fingers one by one, and pull off the fragments and shove them down his throat. I swear that if he shows up at the house on Friday night for our party I’ll beat the living shit out of him, because I will not put up with this, I don’t have to put up with this. Who am I kidding, I’m going to give him the cold shoulder, or I’m going to give him verbal hell, depends on how I feel and how many people can hear.
I’m just trying to figure out why he thinks I’d be at his beck and call; I didn’t think that he would at be at mine. That’s why I set up a time with him. I’m half tempted to texted him back and say, “Go to Hell,” pull a good old Eeyore on his ass.
The worst part is, I’m pissed at myself for not controlling my temper, and for saying aloud with every “Freaking” I wrote the word it is meant to replace. I’m so sick and tired of the people here. I’m sick of my calling, and everything falling on me for some reason, I mean, the people in the ward actually think that I’m the Relief Society President, that’s a problem because I am most certainly not.
I told the others in the presidency that I won’t be there the first weekend in July; I have finally reconciled myself with the fact that a dying aunt is more important than being at the ward on that Sunday. So then the President who doesn’t have a name writes back and says I brought up a good point, she might not be there either and she hopes the other two will. Well, Nurse Betty writes and says she’s going camping with the family, big surprise she’s never there anyway. That leaves it all on SL-HB (Who I’m getting along with pretty well now that she’s been gone for a week house sitting). So I e-mail that we can get someone else to teach on Sunday because SL-HB shouldn’t have to conduct and then turn right around and teach too, being a one man show. President writes back and says that a member of the presidency has to teach on the first Sunday. Really? Because we had Eeyore teach once and he’s not even a member of Relief Society much less the presidency. President says that’s just how it is. Well, I win, no matter what, I don’t think her plans can trump a dying aunt. I’m always there, that weekend will be her third in a row not there! So if she’s so stubborn about having a member of the presidency teach then she’s going to have to change her plans. I just don’t see the value in me continuing to go to the ward. I could go to the branch; I could go to my parents ward. I’d still go to FHE, Institute, some Enrichment activities, Regional activities, etc. Plenty of my friends have stopped going to the ward and they still survive socially. Maybe I’ll start trying it out, I mean, do I really want to go to a ward where I can’t even enjoy Sunday anymore because President always has something she needs me to do that has nothing to do with my calling, do I really care that much about being near people my age during church? I’d rather be alone and able to concentrate on the things being taught in church, than surrounded by people my age and unable to concentrate because President is constantly telling me something else that she needs to do. Besides any other ward is closer than Single’s and gas prices are on the rise. I’ll have to make a Pros and Cons list, but at the moment I am leaning towards not being anywhere near Coz or President. And I hate feeling the way that I’m feeling right now, and I know I should be able to control it, but maybe another part is avoiding the cause.