Chapter 86: Night at the Roxbury

Saturday afternoon I saw TDH for the first time in 98 days. I hadn’t been keeping track, but since I last saw him September 29th I decided it wouldn’t be difficult to calculate the amount of time that has passed. Besides, I miss feeling like a stalker. He started to talk to me about the marketing internship he’ll be starting next week. I hadn’t realized that he hadn’t started it yet. Then he started to tell me about some training program for managers and so I asked a question about it, thinking I understood what he was saying and he tried to reword what it was and then I just gave up and pretended that I totally understood what he was talking about. It was good to see him again, I wasn’t going to go say anything to him, try to play it cool, come in to do some shopping and not noticed the hot guy in the black polo and khakis. But on my way out I decided to kick him in the back of the knee and pretend I didn’t do it. I think I chose the right course of action. As he was talking I just had to wonder how he got so good looking. I just don’t think it’s right that one person can be that good looking. Okay, enough of that.
Saturday was also the same day as my work holiday party. I’m fully aware that it’s a bit late for a holiday party, and I feel certain I have already explained why. I had to be at the Jefferson an hour early to set up since I am in Human Resources. I got to place the name tents down and then stand at a table handing out nametags to associates and their guests. I had no idea who most of the people were but took a small amount of pride in the number of people I did know. Then it was time for dinner, where Bubbles and I were pretty much released from our responsibility. I got to sit at a table with all of Bubbles’ friends, a Christmas present from Boss Lady. While we were waiting for dinner to be served one of her friends asked me if I had a boyfriend. I shook my head and said, ‘no’ and then she asked if I wanted a boyfriend, to which I paused, how do you answer that question? Yes, I would like one, but I have learned since ’07 to not just say, “I want a boyfriend” but to be more specific, “I want Orlando Bloom to be my boyfriend”. Plus, it always depends on why the person is asking as to whether or not you do want one. So I finally just nodded my head and then she said that she was going to set me up with her brother. The more that she drank the more she said it too. I have decided from my dinner experience at the Jefferson that I do not have the taste buds for fine dining. Give me steak and fries and a snicker doodle for dessert and I’d be perfectly content. Instead I got lobster bisque, which I tried to inform the waitress who was setting it before me that I was not interested, but she may have been zoning out, I couldn’t even bear the smell of it (of course I was feeling sick already that night). Then came the salad, I’m not a fan of salad anyway, but since I had refused the soup I picked at the salad, putting ranch dressing on one side and creamy Italian on the other since I couldn’t decide which one I would like best, it’s ranch by the way. The best parts about the salads were the rolls. Then came the main dish, I had order filet mignon because I had been informed that it was a type of steak. When it came in front of me it look descent enough and I wondered how I was going to cut it with a butter knife, but I surprisingly could, then I was even more surprised that I was able to cut raw meat so effortlessly. The outside of the filet mignon was browned, but the rest was completely raw. I felt a little better when the woman across the table from me said, “It’s still mooing!” I supposing I was inexperienced with fancy food just continued to cut and bear it. I didn’t finish however and I told Bubbles that if I wasn’t at work on Monday it was because I got e-coli. I did however try some asparagus which I have never eaten unless when I was a baby was spoon feed it in some puree form. So for the evening I had tried two things I didn’t normally eat, salad and asparagus. Oh yeah, and I also tried the “stuffing” like ball that was sitting next to the filet mignon to which I about lost everything I had eating. It was disgusting. My career as a food critique is out the door, I can’t do it. I wasn’t disappointed in dessert because I already knew I wasn’t going to like it, key lime pie and some kind of death by chocolate. If I still ate chocolate I would have been all over it, but the key lime pie wouldn’t have been touched either way. Finally dinner was over and I could relax. I hate having food at social events. It’s all right to have appetizers or buffet style, situations where you can get away with barely eating, or not eating at all. Optional eating as I like to call it. I also found out during dinner that I was the youngest one at the table and then next youngest person graduated college when I graduated high school.
I didn’t think I would stay long after the eating stopped and the drinking began, but I ended up staying the entire time. Seeing people from work completely wasted really helps you to feel more comfortable around them at work. You’ve seen them in a vulnerable situation, so how can you feel intimidated by them now? The girl who kept trying to set me up with her brother went to hit on a guy at work who has a crush on her, even though she’s married and he had a date. She was bet to do it by Bubbles and some others, they wanted to see him blush and fall all over himself. She won $35 and dinner at a really nice restaurant. However, she also got felt up by the guy’s date, who in conversation just reached over and squeezed her right breast! She more than earned her money’s worth. Later she also got dragged on to the dance floor by said date, which made her even more uncomfortable. My other work friend got hit on by a girl from work; I prefer to just think that she was just an overly friendly drunk. I’m not certain, but I’m pretty sure I was the only one (aside from the pregnant lady who sat two seats over from me at dinner) that didn’t have anything to drink. It’s interesting to watch drunken people, but there comes a point when you feel like you are babysitting. A lot of the guys at work had just grown really friendly towards me, some of them I rarely ever talked to were coming up and giving me hugs, one guy in particular kept hugging me and asking me why I was so tall, then he would check (every time) to see if I had heels on (which I did not) I just kept telling him that it was just the way I was. I ended up having a good time but there were certain times when I was just embarrassed. Such as the time when two girls started to take off their underwear in the lobby and then stopped when people started to bring attention to it, then one of the women with me started yelling at them to take it off again. After the party ended we went to the hotel bar to continue hanging out, as we were sitting there the woman who wants to set me up with her brother leaned over to the girl next to her and told her for the umpteenth time that she was going to set me up with her brother, to which she looked over at me and I just gave her a thumb’s up. I worry about making drunk people angry. Then she asked me if I liked rednecks, staying on my course of not making her angry I did a so-so hand gesture. She didn’t see it and she asked again, to which I did the same thing. Someone else’s husband translated it for her and said that I didn’t, to which I got a dirty look. But then she asked me if I knew what something was (I can’t remember what she said) and I told her I hadn’t a clue and she said, “Yeah, you’re not redneck,” as though I had been masquerading as one for quite some time. Then everyone got me to say, “Get ‘er done” as one long word. Not long after that one of the women’s husbands started to “dance” with me, I don’t dance, and I don’t dance that way…with anyone. It made me really uncomfortable. My headache that I had earlier in the evening started to get worse and after the dancing fiasco I decided that was my out and said ‘goodbye’ to everyone. I left through one door and got to wave goodbye once more as I passed the windows of the bar on the way to the main door. Everyone kind of cheered in unison like they thought I was lost but suddenly they had found me. It was weird. I felt completely sick and on the way home I kept getting nauseous and my eyelids felt heavy. I got home, took off my dress and lay in my bed. Then I remembered that my dog was still in his kennel so I put on my PJs and went to let him out. I started to fall asleep and someone decided to leave the house, throwing my dog into a frenzy of barking and scratching the door. I finally got him to stop and slept through the rest of the night, finally waking up some time Sunday morning. So, I did have fun, but I’m not sure if I can handle this from year to year, and how many years are we talking about here anyway?