So, third and final date last night with D&D. No, this doesn’t mean that I’ve grown a backbone and told him so, but I don’t intend to go out with him again. Details: D&D wanted to cook me dinner, I’m not sure why, maybe to show me that he is domesticated but honestly I could care less. So I drive over to his house and he had told me 6 o’clock, but the food wasn’t ready so while he beat mashed potatoes with a beater and had yet to turn on the grill I looked at pictures of sailboats on his wall. I was in an extremely mellow mood last night too which I thought would end this desire to ask me out, but apparently not. After every time we spoke I turned so he couldn’t see and made a face, conversation was excruciatingly painful. I offered to help but he said he had it, so I continued to walk around the house, pretending to be interested in the thrift store drawing of a lighthouse. Oddly enough if this guy weren’t interested in me I’d have him pegged as gay, granted, having interest in me is no guarantee that he’s not, but I should be so lucky.
Dinner was awkward, we’re used to eating where there are other people, and background music. It was so quiet I could hear him chew. We made small talk; he asked how my visit with my family was since I used them as an excuse to get out of the date on Saturday. He told me about this job he’s been trying to get and how it’s on hold right now. Then he finally says that he can turn on some music. Yes please! The first song on the selection was “99 Red Balloons” in original German. Then it was just more 80’s songs after that. I like the 80’s so I didn’t mind and it was nice to have music while we chewed. I felt like there was too much commonality happening, like it was forced. I happen to lose my keys often, well so does he! I like this movie, so does he! I know that it was probably just coincidence but I’ve been in this guys shoes, he’s thinking we’re perfect for each other, but I sometimes I don’t want to have so much in common with someone. When I have too much in common with someone they just start to bug me. There needs to be differences so that things remain interesting. After dinner we went into the entertainment room…I don’t know what else to call it, but it’s a pretty cool room. We were going to watch “Stardust” which works because I absolutely love that movie. So D&D plays with the light dimmer like he’s trying to set mood lighting and I give him one of those chin up smiles that was in that article, then I turn so I’m not facing him and roll my eyes. I take a seat, put a pillow on my lap and fold my arms. He came to sit by me and was too close for comfort, I don’t know why I thought that buy sitting on the couch he would sit on the other end, but I didn’t, and he was invading my bubble. I got up at one point to go to the bathroom and the strange thing is that it was like at work, I wait to go to the bathroom so that I have an excuse later to get up and move and kill some time. I was glad that he didn’t pause the movie for me, that would have been horrible, but when I finished in the bathroom and realized there was no soap he paused it while he ran upstairs to get me some. If I wanted to I could take that as a sign that he doesn’t care about whether or not I get to see the entire movie, but he certainly gives a hoot when he’s got to miss some of it. He kept rubbing my arm too; he wasn’t very sly about it either. I would say something and then he would lean over with his left hand to rub my left arm and act like he was consoling me. I just told him I was okay and kept my arms folded…is that not enough of a sign? He kept looking over at my hands too, probably wondering when I was going to uncross my arms, well, I stayed the course, the arms were crossed until the very moment I told him that I had to get going. As though crossed arms weren’t enough he tried to put his arm around me! I didn’t take into consideration that he would attempt that until about half an hour before he did, so my back was glued to the back of the couch so that if he tried he’d either hit my head and feel awkward or he would end up with his arm stretched out on the couch with nothing to do with my shoulders. So his arm was stretched out on the couch and his body was turned to face me after the movie ended and I finally said, “Well,” and he said, “Getting late huh?” and I said, “yeah, and my dog has been in his kennel a lot today so he probably hates me.” Which in return he did not serve up some witty banter about how that may be true but instead pulled out the, “Oh no, you’re dog doesn’t hate you he loves you.” Gag me, the dog hates me a little okay, I wasn’t fishing for some strange form of compliment, I was stating a fact and trying not to feel bad about getting up to leave.
He walked me to the door and I wasn’t sure what he was trying but I ended up giving him a hug and he said that he had a really good time and would like to take me out again sometime. Like the stupid cow that I am I said, “okay,” I should just cut my tongue out so that I am forced to write things down, I think more when I have to write, words are so easy to spit out of the mouth. Why can’t I seem to say the words that I am thinking?! So I walk out the door and head to my car. After sitting in my driver’s seat calling myself a stupid whore a couple of times I realized that I may have had a sudden onset of turrets. I should probably seek medical attention for that.
The worst part is, during the whole date I kept thinking of other guys. At one point my shoe looked like it was untied so I thought of Bachelor #2 because he randomly tied my shoe the night before, and again I thought of Bachelor #2 because when we have our Stardust party he wants to be invited. I thought of Baby Face because of something D&D said, I thought of TDH which I haven’t done as much lately. The one guy I didn’t think about in a positive light was D&D.
Also, I’ve decided that chick flicks not only ruin us because we expect that kind of behavior from real men, but also because we don’t really want men to act the way the guys do in the movie, we want those guys. We want to be in the place of the girls in the movie…at least this is the case with me, I probably shouldn’t assume on such a large scale that most if not all girls feel the way I feel, because I’m a bit off my rocker as far as being normal goes.
I’m doing these things that I think will get the message across without having to say it. Actions speak louder than words right? So why aren’t they working? And yes, I wore a graphic tee; yes, I crossed my arms; I’m trying to be myself which usually ensure me a spot in Buddyland and even that’s not working. I’ve tried to like D&D, I figure if God is going to hand me a guy who is interested and is interested in just me (Unlike Mr. Collins who was trying to mack on every girl) then maybe I should give it a shot. I debated with myself all day yesterday whether or not I was going to let him hold my hand, but I can’t do it. I don’t feel anything for him; I don’t want him to touch me! But at the same time, I do like hanging out with him. Which is why this is so hard, can you just hang out with someone who is interested in you after you tell them that you are not interested in them? He reminds me of someone too, someone from high school who doesn’t have a name in here, but someone that hurt me pretty badly and I try never to think of them. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, or if that is my defense mechanism to help me hold to the decision that I’ve already made?
You know what? No more dates with people. If I’m interested then yes, but no more, “well it couldn’t hurt to go on one date” dates. Agh!
Coming soon, from Pixar…
8 years ago
No comments:
Post a Comment