Chapter 100: So cool! This chapter presented to you in technicolor.

So this weekend we had the second Elder’s Quorum dating activity. I decided to go to this one since first, you didn’t have to be asked, and secondly it seemed that all of my roommates would be attending as well. Also I had nothing better to do and it gave me the aura of being busy, ironically enough, to busy to go on a date.
So the activity was supposed to be this progressive dinner, but instead of traveling in groups from house to house the boys traveled from table to table and the girls sat still. I sat with Newbie (man she needs a nickname…any ideas?) For the Appetizers and Salad rounds we actually sat with Bachelor #1 and Bachelor #2, funny how that worked out. Before the salads even got to the table Bachelor #2 and I were engaged! Man, these activities work so well! So the details, Bachelor #1 asks, without looking up from his plate, “How’s your family?” Since Bachelor #2 and I were sitting right beside each other I said, “Mine or Bachelor #2’s family?” and he said, “yours,” and laughed but I was like, “well, if you want to be specific, ask specific” (that was in my head not aloud). So, I said that they were good and then Bachelor #2 says, “Well, what you didn’t know is that soon the two families will be one.” And pretty much that’s how he claimed me as his fiancé. So all night we were having fun with it, I threatened to break it off once and said, “I only get engaged to the same person once,” so he’d better be careful. (Note: later that night I broke if off and then immediately took it back). So at one point Bachelor #1 says, “We should go out again.” To which I said, “Okay” nonchalantly. Everyone at the table laughed because of the way I answered and I just shrugged my shoulders, if he is going to bring up going out again in a casual way in front of other people I’ll respond in a casual way. He may want to go out again, if that is true he needs to ask, and when he sincerely asks I will sincerely answer. But you put out these stupid feelers to see if the girl will say ‘yes’ or as I know from past experience how Bachelor #1 works, he drops hints and waits for the girl to ask him. Well, sorry, but I’m not that interested, and the only reason I asked him out the first time was because I had a list I wanted to get through and because I didn’t want Mr. Collins to be the last date of my life. If these guys want to take a girl out they are going to have to start to take chances because that’s certainly what we are doing with them. Then Bachelor #1 starts to say how he is going to marry the girl who answers his question right. One question, one girl. So Newbie and I are intrigued and we ask, “What question is that?” and he says, “What makes you different than any other girl in the ward?” but I thought he said “world” but…whatever it’s the same difference. So I get a smart-alec smirk and say, “My DNA”. Case closed, I don’t have to think about that question anymore. Newbie’s answer, “I’m not looking for marriage.” Good one Newbie…secret high-five. So then I say, “Bachelor #1, what makes you different than all the boys in the ward that I should date you?” I love turning things around on people. Because seriously if you are going to ask a question you’d better be prepared to answer the same one! So he starts to go off on his faults, blah, blah, blah and how he’s willing to admit to them, or something like that and all I say is, “That’s what makes you different?” In the words of the evil head vampire on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie, not the show), “Pa-leas,” Give me any boy in the ward and I can name his faults, you don’t have to be a microbe hunter to discover what’s wrong with these boys, so it should be blaringly obvious to them what they lack. I think this was Bachelor #1’s attempt to come across as deep when all he really came across as was a shallow pond, too shallow to bother trying to stick my feet in. What makes me different? It’s such a waste of a question. I ended up telling him, “Think not how the girl can answer the question for you, but how you can answer the question for the girl.” Thank you John Kennedy for giving me the template for that one. Seriously though, these guys are all, “Why should I date this person,” when really they should ask, “Why would she want to date me?” I’m not trying to reduce their egos to infinitesimal specks here, but I do think they need to get off their high horses and begin to notice that the reason they aren’t dating isn’t because it’s their choice, but it could very well be that they are undeserving of the girls that surround them. Wow, still sounds like I’m trying to do that, but really, a little humble pie may be hard to swallow but it’s not going to kill them. What can I say, I’m feed up with boys like Bachelor #1. So Newbie says, "Well what is the right answer?" and he says, "I don't know, but when the right girl says it I'll know." Hmm...another stupid answer. If you don't know the answer you're looking for you won't know the answer when you get it. You'll know the girl is cute enough and that's it.
I did have a good time though, they were good company, but then the “dinner bell” rang and they were moved on from our table and the second group had Luke Duke and this other kid, and at times Coz was there. Luke Duke was funny as usual, you know, really nice to look at, but you still have to wonder. He’s a nice kid though, I learned that he’s actually in the Air Force, which I didn’t previously know and it some how heightened my opinion of him. When Coz came over I scooted my empty glass towards him without saying anything and he got up from his seat and asked if I wanted water or punch. Everyone kind of looked at me with a little surprise but this is Coz, that’s how he is, I’m just rude enough in my approach and like to act like I think I deserve to be treated that way (which I do, but I only act that way with Coz, because well, it’s Coz I don’t know how else to explain it). So little secret, even though this was a progressive dinner and I intended to come all along, I ate dinner before hand. Not because I didn’t think the food would be good because I knew it would be (the guys weren’t cooking it) but I wasn’t sure if I would actually like it due to my picky eating habits. So needless to say, I wasn’t really hungry. Luke Duke had finished his meal and noticed that I hadn’t finished mine and asked me if I was going to eat it, so I said, “No, did you want it?” and he got a goofy grin and said, ‘yeah’. So I laughed and gave it to him, saved me the embarrassing moment when they came to pick up plates and saw that I barely ate. Then it was dessert time and G.I. Joe was there! Him and another guy who was actually pretty entertaining and if he asked me out I wouldn’t say ‘no’ came to sit down. When my dessert came, which happened to be a brownie, and I don’t eat brownies, I found the table with Luke Duke and gave it to him. He threw his arms up in the air and said, “Yeah!” Which made me think “Steve Holt!” but that’s from Arrested Development so if you haven’t seen that you can’t imagine the moment with me…go watch an episode or two already.
One thing I noticed Saturday was that there is a serious gap between where the girls are and where the boys are. The girls are all mostly done with school, working on their careers whether or not they actually want careers, and the boys are all in school or trying to decide if they want to go back to school to finish. It just hit me with a little “A-ha!” Those who are advancing on to careers through their schooling are involved with their schooling and therefore don’t date regularly (this is not all encompassing, some boys in school still date…some I suppose, I don’t know). It just all came together at that activity one of the reasons the guys and the girls don’t date. But it also hit me why most of these boys go for the younger girls; the younger girls don’t care at this point if they are still in school or work retail or are unsure of what they want to be when they grow up, these girls don’t know either so it gives them something to have in common. The older girls are more than aware that these guys are quickly approaching 30 and still couldn’t support a family. So whether or not the older girls would actually hold that against them I think all the boys are like Bachelor #1 and are aware of at least this fault and know that they don’t deserve the girls. They just don’t tell us that, instead they don’t tell us anything and we rot in the viscous swamp of wondering what is wrong with us.
I want to state for the record that I had a really good time on Saturday. I was just very enlightened. I wasn’t mad that evening, it was in retrospect that I got a little passionate about my observations. After dinner I danced and laughed with Newbie, my friend and Agent L and had a good time. I went to hang out at the B.M. (our little nickname for Coz’s house) after the activity and had a good little chat with Bachelor #2 and my friend. And even though I am still tired from the lack of sleep this weekend I would do it all over again given the opportunity, including eating dinner before I went.