Chapter 104: Heaven Help Me

Food is certainly not the way to my heart; in fact it’s probably the quickest way to get on my bad side. I am a picky eater, I don’t like to talk about it, and I’m not just saying that to be funny, I really don’t like to talk about it. I don’t find someone making me dinner romantic, in fact I only associate that with my mom, so a guy making me dinner isn’t really doing it for me. “Steamed green beans” not impressive I assure you. I was reading an article today online, “5 signs to tell if she into you” or something like that, but also 5 signs to tell she’s not. As I read through the list I thought of the way I act around D&D.
Sign number one that she is not interested: She crosses her arms. Oh I do that in abundance, when I sit down to watch a movie with him my arms are cross, and no matter how uncomfortable I get or how much my arm hurts because it’s been asleep for the past half hour I won’t move my arms for the duration of the movie, unless my nose itches, the nose itching is a good reason to uncross your arms, but I assure you the moment my nose feels better my arms are backed to cross.
Sign number two: She places her bag between you. Haven’t done this one, never thought of it, seems too rude, but may have to resort to it in the future.
Sign number three: She speaks faster than an auctioneer. Granted I do this on a regular basis it does intensify when I’m uncomfortable. Not that I am at the Mr. Collins uncomfortable level, but I’m not interested and therefore am uncomfortable with the fact that I can’t find the right way to tell him and I’m getting mad at myself because I’m an idiot who can’t say, “You know what? I’m not interested in you in that way.”
Sign number four: She offers you a chin-up smile…what I like to call the polite smile. I do this in abundance as well. I’m constantly giving the chin up smile because I am just trying to make him feel comfortable because that’s what I do, it should not be interpreted as anything else.
Sign number five is she strokes her neck, which I always thought was a good thing but apparently the way that she does it says how she really feels and there is a way when answering a question where you stroke your neck and it’s really saying, “I’m lying”…that got me think about when I do lie, do I stroke my neck? Anyway.
I display at least three of the five signs on a regular basis, why is it that I am still going to have to say something to this guy? He should have taken the hint by now. I know that I keep saying that I will tell him but honestly I know me and I am wondering how far I’m going to let this go before I finally stop being polite and fess up to the fact that I am not interested in him. Heaven help me.