So it continues…

I know what you are thinking. Well, actually I have no clue, but I was going to say that you are probably wondering why there is a second one. I’m lost without this little thing. For so long I have been thinking about events in my life and how I will write them in Brutally Honest and now I am suppose to just cut myself off? Besides after rereading the ending of the first one it just seemed so anticlimactic.
The first Brutally Honest really did help me through a lot I think. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again writing is very therapeutic. Life isn’t like it was when I started to write the first one. My roommates and I are fairly okay most of the time, I don’t think I have any of the emotional “problems” I had before, and I don’t have all the stress from school. Life is pretty much good if I don’t stop to think about what it is really comprised of, because most days I end up in a good mood, but then I think about what I had to do to end up in that good mood. The past two days I have worked 11 hour shifts. Most of it is because I like to hang out with the people I work with. Today I worked 10:15 to almost 9:30 because I had nothing better to do and because I like the people I work with. I feel a little pathetic always hanging out at work, but it’s where I feel the most comfortable for the time being. I think as always I am in a transitional period of my life. Right now my safe haven is within the walls of work. I know what I am doing, the people like me without question, and it is pretty much one of the only constants in my life. I have been there since I was 16 and 7, almost 8 years later it is still there. School has ended, which had been a constant in my life and then it suddenly ended, what do you do when you don’t have something you did for almost every day of your life since you were 5? You turn to the other things where you know what you’re supposed to do. You just live day to day hoping that some day “adulthood” will begin. One day you won’t want to still act like a teenager but rather take on the role your mom wants you to take on. You’ll dress nicer and maybe even start listening to Michael Bolton and Yanni. The phone will be made for business calls more then for making plans with your friends, you’ll actually check your work voicemail and you’ll finally start acting your age. You’ll have a full time job with sick and personal days, paid vacations, and benefits. I don’t think I ever saw this coming when I was younger, I certainly didn’t think that I would still be working with Ukrop’s after I graduated from college…in fact I didn’t see myself as a college graduate. I think that maybe I have always suffered with a short scope for envisioning my future.
Sometimes I think that it is impossible to write everything that I want to in here; well it’s not just that I think it is impossible, I know it is. I wish I could have a recorder in my head and it would automatically write it in here, because by the time that I can get to a computer I completely forget what it is I wanted to rant about.
We’ll just have to sit back and see how this one pans out. If it turns out that trying to continue writing here was a mistake then I will abandon ship. But sometimes I feel like I still need the therapeutic benefits of being able to write what I really feel about people and not worrying about it coming back to bite me. Sometimes I need to be able to write what I really feel and not worry about being judged either. If I drop a cuss word in here or there, it’s okay; if I am just horribly mean to someone and for no particular reason, it’s okay; very laissez fair here which is the way it should be.