Chapter 4: Red Fire Trucks

Today I taught my first class. I don’t know if I can even call it a class because only two people were scheduled to come. I was grateful of course that it was only two people because it would have been hard for me to pretty much not throw-up. The class is usually four hours long, the first part should take about an hour to an hour and half and then the second part should take pretty much the rest of the time with about 15 minutes set aside for a test at the end. I was finished with the first part in about half an hour. I don’t feel like I was talking too fast, and honestly, it could have gone quickly because there were only two people, but that’s the fastest any of us have done it. It’s not like I broke some amazing record or anything, this is only the fourth time the class has been taught…ever. Still, I felt bad about going so fast. I asked TDH (he was teaching the class with me) how I could slow it down. He told me some things I could do but it still didn’t seem to do the trick.
We took a fifteen minute break and then we went into the “lab” to work on the registers. It was a little weird at first, but then I started to get the hang of it and it just started to roll. It was fun teaching a class with TDH, we were joking around the whole time, trying to make baskets with balled up trash. On Traveler’s checks you can’t see the number line that we have to type into the register so as trainers we tell them what the numbers are. A little known secret, it doesn’t matter what the numbers are in training mode. So after I told one of the trainee’s the routing number I went on to account number and started, “0, 9, 8, 7,” I just kept going down and she kept slowly typing in the numbers, I started to laugh because it was so obvious that I was just counting down, but she didn’t just take over and count down to “1” until I said, “3, 2” and then she quickly hit “1”. I just laughed and said how funny I was. It’s the small things that make work more interesting. I ended up finishing the lab portion around 8:30 (the class is supposed to go until 9) we even had the trainee’s pack up the fake groceries, just to waste some more time. Then they took their test and still finished well before 9 o’clock. I’ve got to work on my timing. TDH and I worked on paperwork (though I think we forgot to do a few things). I was headed to put something on my manager’s desk and TDH asked me if I wanted to do some secretarial work for old times sake (when I was training with him he always had me type his e-mails and do the paper work…you know, to get used to doing it all for when I was on my own). I realized that he had been working on the same e-mail for the past half hour and only had about a paragraph. I know I’m a faster typer then he is, but I’ve never really said anything too mean about it, earlier he had been trying to compute some stuff on a calculator and he pretty much beat at it with one finger, I almost said something then about how it looked a lot like his typing. Which, sadly is true, but it’s also funny. So I took his spot in front of the computer and he read his notes and I typed. If the company would pay me for it I would just be his assistant. Get to work with a good looking guy everyday, less responsibility; I wouldn’t have to teach the class. If he moves up in the company to where he can actually have an assistant I’m making him take me with him!
We were talking about one of the stores we train for (this was the purpose of the e-mails, updates on all the new hires). There were thirteen people hired since November 1st (that’s about five weeks) and 8 of them have already quit or been fired. Quite the ratio. TDH happened to mention that most of them were people that I trained, when it actually turned out that most were ones he had trained. As for a different store location it’s true, I had trained all three of the people that they lost recently. So TDH was joking around that it was something in my training. While I was typing for him he would say, “period,” or “comma,” so if he didn’t I would ask which one. One time when I was making a list I said, semi-colon,” and he says, “no, colon.” So he gets all grammar professor on me and explains the situations in which you use a semi-colon or a colon. His example sentence started off somehow and then he says, “Semi-colon, therefore Jessica is an awful trainer.” I tried to hit him then but he was too quick. I told him that I would quit because of what he said and then he’d be a bad trainer because he trained me.
When we were finally finished with the e-mail I went to put the papers on my manager’s desk, I walked back to where TDH was and he says that he is going to go look and make sure that I didn’t put the papers in the wrong place. I told him that I put them on her desk, how could I screw up? So he starts walking back there and then he tries to play like I’ve put them in the worst place possible and then says he’s just kidding. I ask him where on the desk I could have put them that would have been bad, he admitted he didn’t know. So I asked if he was checking then because he thought I was a moron. Cause I was getting that impression from him.
I gave him his Christmas present, which should have been a lump of coal, but it’s not like I went all out, but it’s a joke between us about red fire engines and so I finally found a red, matchbox fire truck so I got it for him. I gave it to him before we were completely finished up so he set it down and kept putting stuff away and then he came over and picked it up and asked, “What it is?” I knew he meant what was the present, but I gave him an answer he would have given me, “It’s a Christmas present.” So he thought I meant he couldn’t open it until Christmas. I told him it was a tube of lipstick, but I wasn’t sure what shade he prefers to wear. After squishing it for about a minute I told him to just open it. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to or not. Eventually the wrapping paper would have worn out from all the squishing. I guess he figured this and finally opened it. He said it was going on the desk…if he had a desk. That is a shame about our job, no desk for stupid little inside-joke based gifts we get. After listening to him try to spell though I really should have gotten him a word of the day calendar.
When we left we realized that we were the last people in the building so it was our responsibility to set the alarm. I guess it had been a while for him because he sat there for a second trying to figure it out. The door we were standing by kept making a clicking noise and I was pretty certain he was going to screw it up and we were going to die right there by the alarm. He finally got it set and we ran for it. We didn’t really think we would die, but it was more fun pretending that we might.
I’m totally in love with him.