I used to be irrationally in love

I used to "fall in love". Now when I say "fall in love" I mean that I used to develop a crush on a boy and over exaggerate my feelings for him, but the point is, I used to do that.


One example, I worked with this guy named Steve. I loved him. He was perfect (as you will find for some reason they all were...hmm, how strange right?) I worked in the Deli and he worked in Produce (at a grocery store, I have a strange keenness for grocery stores). One day he gave me a pear, it was pear to throw away, but a pear none the less. I told my coworker, who was in no doubt the desperate intensity of my love for him, that the pear was symbolic of his feelings for me. She asked me 'how so," since she knew I probably actually had some kind of analogy already worked out in my head. I went on to tell her that there were two kinds of pears...P-E-A-R-S such as the one I held in my hand, and P-A-I-R-S such as in couples. With that pear he was telling me he wanted to be a "pair" with me. She just laughed and I threw the pear across the room to the trashcan. It smacked against the wall and fell in. She asked me what that meant and I told her that I was throwing away the opportunity...which was more of a prophecy rather than an analogy because a few months later he told me he wanted to take me out and apparently I didn't (still don't) know how to react to not being directly asked out.

I think the last guy that I "loved irrationally" was TDH, that was over a year ago. I don't know why irrational love made me cooler, but I know that I was a little more entertaining that way, as long as people didn't take me seriously. I mean, I liked the guy, no doubt about it, but I didn't love them the way I professed. I didn't obsessed about them the way I made it sound in my stories. Does that make sense?

I think the reason for this is probably because at home the choices are limited, it's not that there aren't guys to love this way, but rather there is a high probability that the people I would tell these tales to would also know the guy. In college there were so many different guys, different places to meet them, different places to interact with them. You could love a guy that your roommates didn't know or even see unless you wanted them to. Here, my roommates know all of my options, so it's just not as fun. Especially because chances are, I would profess my undying love and they would get a girlfriend or move (that's how it's always happened in the past), then the pity would come and I hate pity. But that's just a guesstimate why I wouldn't be proclaiming my love from the rooftops. It's just not as fun when people know the guy.

So, now it seems that I have turned my attention to men even harder to get...Hollywood. From the Fictional Characters group on Facebook to making little slide shows of famous hotties. From the original video to the Olympics, classics, and now my latest, generation next it would seem to the outsider that I have a problem. Again, it's not that I really love these guys or am even as nearly obsessed as I seem with it, it's just that I like to make videos, and yes, they're chock full of eye candy, but that's just a bonus. I make other videos too, those are just the ones I post to Facebook. Just in case you've never seen one of my videos here is the latest one. If you are interested in seeing more, let me know. I've gotten some comments from guys about how it isn't fair that I can make a video about hot guys but if they did the same but with girls they would be in trouble. Life's not fair, and yes, it's a double standard, and you can blame the feminist movement for it. Before the feminist movement the double standard was in their favor saying, "Boys will be boys". Oh that's right, there is still a double standard similar to that. A guy who behaves one way is called a Stud and a girl acting the same way is a slut. How is that fair? It's not. So get over it! (didn't mean to rant like that and I certainly didn't mean to be an anti-feminist feminist...my whole world is in question). Please just start the video so I'll shut-up.

Do you see why I may need therapy, or maybe just a boyfriend...or even less than that, maybe just a boy in real life for me to obsess over? I would settle for either of the three options, but preferably the boyfriend one if I could. I don't want to end up being the 40-year video maker of hotness, that's just no way to end up in this life.