I used to be irrationally in love

I used to "fall in love". Now when I say "fall in love" I mean that I used to develop a crush on a boy and over exaggerate my feelings for him, but the point is, I used to do that.


One example, I worked with this guy named Steve. I loved him. He was perfect (as you will find for some reason they all were...hmm, how strange right?) I worked in the Deli and he worked in Produce (at a grocery store, I have a strange keenness for grocery stores). One day he gave me a pear, it was pear to throw away, but a pear none the less. I told my coworker, who was in no doubt the desperate intensity of my love for him, that the pear was symbolic of his feelings for me. She asked me 'how so," since she knew I probably actually had some kind of analogy already worked out in my head. I went on to tell her that there were two kinds of pears...P-E-A-R-S such as the one I held in my hand, and P-A-I-R-S such as in couples. With that pear he was telling me he wanted to be a "pair" with me. She just laughed and I threw the pear across the room to the trashcan. It smacked against the wall and fell in. She asked me what that meant and I told her that I was throwing away the opportunity...which was more of a prophecy rather than an analogy because a few months later he told me he wanted to take me out and apparently I didn't (still don't) know how to react to not being directly asked out.

I think the last guy that I "loved irrationally" was TDH, that was over a year ago. I don't know why irrational love made me cooler, but I know that I was a little more entertaining that way, as long as people didn't take me seriously. I mean, I liked the guy, no doubt about it, but I didn't love them the way I professed. I didn't obsessed about them the way I made it sound in my stories. Does that make sense?

I think the reason for this is probably because at home the choices are limited, it's not that there aren't guys to love this way, but rather there is a high probability that the people I would tell these tales to would also know the guy. In college there were so many different guys, different places to meet them, different places to interact with them. You could love a guy that your roommates didn't know or even see unless you wanted them to. Here, my roommates know all of my options, so it's just not as fun. Especially because chances are, I would profess my undying love and they would get a girlfriend or move (that's how it's always happened in the past), then the pity would come and I hate pity. But that's just a guesstimate why I wouldn't be proclaiming my love from the rooftops. It's just not as fun when people know the guy.

So, now it seems that I have turned my attention to men even harder to get...Hollywood. From the Fictional Characters group on Facebook to making little slide shows of famous hotties. From the original video to the Olympics, classics, and now my latest, generation next it would seem to the outsider that I have a problem. Again, it's not that I really love these guys or am even as nearly obsessed as I seem with it, it's just that I like to make videos, and yes, they're chock full of eye candy, but that's just a bonus. I make other videos too, those are just the ones I post to Facebook. Just in case you've never seen one of my videos here is the latest one. If you are interested in seeing more, let me know. I've gotten some comments from guys about how it isn't fair that I can make a video about hot guys but if they did the same but with girls they would be in trouble. Life's not fair, and yes, it's a double standard, and you can blame the feminist movement for it. Before the feminist movement the double standard was in their favor saying, "Boys will be boys". Oh that's right, there is still a double standard similar to that. A guy who behaves one way is called a Stud and a girl acting the same way is a slut. How is that fair? It's not. So get over it! (didn't mean to rant like that and I certainly didn't mean to be an anti-feminist feminist...my whole world is in question). Please just start the video so I'll shut-up.

Do you see why I may need therapy, or maybe just a boyfriend...or even less than that, maybe just a boy in real life for me to obsess over? I would settle for either of the three options, but preferably the boyfriend one if I could. I don't want to end up being the 40-year video maker of hotness, that's just no way to end up in this life.

Cars, Ponies and the Caste System of Fries

I don’t do sick well. I like to pretend that I do but I don’t. My body completely slows down to lethargic levels when I don’t feel well. I find that my brain can’t focus and I keep thinking I’m forgetting something. I don’t smile as much, I don’t talk as much. I just want to sleep. Right now I have a soar throat, which means that I kind of want to drink a cup of broken shards of glass because that might be more comfortable than how my throat feels right now. I would go ahead and take a PTO day, but what’s the point? I’ll be just as miserable at home as I am right here, but I won’t be wasting a precious PTO day if I just stick it out. Scanning won’t require too much effort from me, so as long as Boss Lady doesn’t have any projects for me I’ll be just fine.

Here’s a old tidbit for you.

In the world of single-tude you have to set up for yourself a system, a hierarchy if you will. I have done this in two ways. In college it was the Matchbox Cars and Ponies. Post college it’s the caste system of fries.

Matchbox Cars and Ponies

When you were a child you wanted a pony, or at least you think you wanted one because all little kids ask for something extravagant like a pony right? So if you didn’t want a pony, but rather wanted a monkey or something else you knew you wouldn’t get then call it that instead. Matchbox cars are more easily accessible, they run about a dollar or less at the store, so if you ask for one of those, chances are you might get one.

How this relates to dating? Think about your list…everyone’s got a list, even if it’s not written down, or thought about often, there is still a list of the basics – what are you looking for? There are things on your list that are “must haves” – i.e. employed (at least that’s one I’m fond of) and then there are things that are “like to haves” – i.e. dark brown hair. The must haves translate into the Matchbox Cars and the like to haves translate into the ponies. I want an employed guy, I can’t settle for unemployed so it’s one of my Matchbox Cars, I happen to be attracted to dark hair guys, but it doesn’t mean I’ll pass up a cute blond either, so it’s a pony. I’m willing to bend on the ponies, but not so much on the Matchboxes. Do you follow?
Try it out; it’s fun to divide your list up into the musts and the nice to haves.

The second thing is the Caste System of Fries. This isn’t so much about a list of a potential boyfriend/husband, but rather a list of men in your life, and how to classify them. In college we did something similar with; “Hot”, “Handsome”, “Cute”, “Funny”, and “Interesting”. “Interesting” because I don’t believe that anyone is ugly…just different or interesting looking. Here are the categories and descriptions within the fry realm.

Cheese Fries – The appetizer, those “fries” (i.e. boys) that are totally cute and fun to be with but are a bit too young for you.

Shoe String Fries – They’re kind of cute, but you don’t really know them yet to put them into another one of the categories.

Steak Fries – Hot….that’s it, just hot.

Seasoned Steak Fries – Not only super cute and attractive but they’ve got personality to boot (which sometimes is the reason they are so attractive).

Seasoned Steak Fries with Fry Sauce – Not only super cute and attractive with personality to boot but also going somewhere. They’ve got it together, a good head on their shoulders. They don’t work retail, or are an aging student. If they’re still in school it’s because high aspirations have kept them as a student in law school, medical school, dental school, etc.

Burnt Fries - Sadly, I had several people listed in this group. Burnt fries are the "no goes". They aren't what you consider to be attractive in appearance or personality. Burnt fries are the things you desperately avoid eating because they're empty calories that leave a funky taste in your mouth. Nothing good can come of burnt fries so be very careful and very sure that you want to place someone in this category.

Any questions?

Being Peed On

Looks like another long boring day at work, though it's already 9:00 am (woo-who!) I woke up at 8:10, which is a bit cumbersome since I have to be to work by 8:30. So I pulled my greasy hair back (making myself gag here), did the best job I could with my make-up, picked out an outfit in my mind only to find that I could not find the outfit so quickly changed again. I couldn't find my shoes so I had to put on a pair that I had to remind myself not to walk into the office with (I had a back up pair of black dressy shoes in my car) and skipped breakfast. Oh, and as I was driving to work I realized I forgot my D.O. but I couldn't turn around at this point it was already past 8:30. Rough morning.
Boss Lady, however (as well as many other "bosses") is out for the day, an off site manager training or something like that. Not really sure, all I know is that her day is already worse than mine. She had to be there at 7:30 (yes, in the a.m.) and will be there well past 5:00 p.m. because "cocktails" start at 4:30 last until 5:00 and then they have more work to do. What could you possibly talk about for that amount of time!? But then again, our new CEO seems to be a bit long winded (like me) so I can imagine him taking up the whole time.
The good news today...it's payday!
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Which I had forgotten about, but someone was so kind as to remind me. Fantastic, life just got a little better. Just a little bit though.
Seeing as I have plenty of time today I thought it would be a good opportunity to explain the Philosophy (or Theory, heck if I know, I'm tired here) of Being Peed On.
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First, this dog has some talent, and little to no fear of the splash effect.

Here's the story. When I first graduated from college I worked at my high school job (better than no job is all I have to say to people who are snubbing their noses right now). Since it was my high school job it is no surprise that it is also the high school job of current high school kids. This is where I met Puppy Love, at least that's my nickname for him and for those of you who read along with the old blog you might have read about him too (depending on when you started to read). Puppy Love was 17, I was 23. Age didn't matter to Puppy Love, one random day he e-mailed me and told me that he liked me. I didn't really know how to react, high school boys egos can be fragile (I think). But he got the name Puppy Love because at work he would always come up and want a hug, which I sometimes gave, but I'm not really a hugging individual so I cut him off at a few a week, which is nominal considering each time he saw me he wanted a hug. We're talking he walked outside and came back in - time for a hug break. Uh, no thank you. Crap, I'm sorry that I get so easily distracted. The point behind telling you about Puppy Love is letting you know that this kid had declared his feelings for me. I tried to respect that by not going around and telling people.

One day I was hanging out in the back of the store with a friend of mine and we were talking about work and I told him that I didn't like working with Puppy Love because he hugged me too much to which my friend says, "because he has a crush on you." I was thrown off a little and couldn't remember if I had told this friend that, so I asked him if I had and he said that Puppy Love told him. Then he got nervous and asked if Puppy Love had told me yet. I told him that he had but I didn't think he would tell anyone so then my friend says that pretty much all the kids on the front end knew that Puppy Love liked me. That's when it hit me, I had been peed on. I knew from past experiences, whether of my own or of my friends, that being peed on was not something new.

It seems that when a guy likes a girl he's got to mark his territory, like a dog, and therefore "pee" on the girl so that the other boys know. This is different than the Soda'>http://backwheniwascool.blogspot.com/2008/10/soda-can-theory.html">Soda Can Theory in the fact that when a girl "explodes" she's just saying it because she can't hold it in, she doesn't spread it to the world around, she just tells her friends. When you "pee" on someone you tell everyone, friend or foe, this one's mine.

Well, it's now 10 o'clock, thank you for helping me get this far in my work day (running downstairs and to get water also helped me speed the morning up a bit). I imagine time will slow down now that I have nothing more to say. But thanks for your readership and patience. Blah, blah, blah.

Miss Manners

Let's talk about manners, mostly let's talk about "Facebook Etiquette".
Facebook is an excellent way to stalk people, I'm not going to lie, I've used it to see what my friends are up to without having to ask what they are up to. Comes in handy with that friend from long ago that you want to "keep in touch" with, but after the initial 2-3 e-mail updates you've got nothing left to say to each other. So you can at least be Facebook friends and feel like you are doing a good job by leaving a comment on a picture, saying happy birthday on the right day (not that it's hard, Facebook tells you that too), and be able to regurgitate facts about your friends to anyone who may ask. i.e. person who knew the two of you when you hung out more...or period, "How is Sarah?" you, "She's great, she's dating this guy Tim and things seem to be going well." "That's great!" When really, Facebook told you who she was dating, you can click on his name but only get the small profile box view because you've never actually met Tim because you haven't hung out with Sarah in three years. The pictures are totally cute and lovely dovey so it's your assumption things are going well.
Do you get the point? But that's not where it ends. If you have a group of friends all connected on Facebook it's the way you get the facts and the gossip without anyone kknowing how nosey you are. It could be in the person's status, they could write something on a mutual friend's wall, or today's example, someone could write on someone else's wall about a completelty different third party. Despite what you may think, if you are not trying to get the attention of the third party in a joking manner, you may not write about that person on someone else's wall.
Why you may ask...do you even log on to Facebook? It shows what your friends are saying to each other, "So and so wrote on what's her face's wall" proceeded by the first few lines of the message, with the option to click and read the rest, or click and read wall-to-wall so that if they are having an actual conversation you can see the whole thing go down. My point here is, if you have something to say about someone else's business to anyone, including the person who's business it is, you send a message (they're private, no one has to know about them). If you have e-mail addresses and phone numbers then maybe that's a better way to communicate about someone's personal information. I say this because this morning I received an e-mail notifying me that someone wrote on my wall, I won't name who because I am not bad mouthing, I am trying to educate manners in an ever changing world. No one has set down rules of etiquette for this type of thing yet. This person wrote on my wall, personal information about another person. I don't know if third person cares for people to know their personal information, but I'm not going to stand for being part of the experiment on whether or not they do. It's not my business, nor is it the business of the person who was writing it. So I deleted the comment, and haven't written back yet, but when I do it will be in message form, because two things: First, it's still not my business, and secondly: I don't think people need to read her being put in her place, I'm sure some people will enjoy it, but this is me still striving to be better.

I used to hang out with boys....period

I don't know when it happened, but suddenly I'm not even a buddy to the boys. I never thought I would say this, but I kind of miss being the buddy. I'd get the cool nicknames and get to hold hands (because I was the buddy they felt that was okay). Now...now I am nothing, maybe a smile and a 'hello', is it because there is so much buddy material floating around me that I am no longer considered a cool buddy to have? Have I changed so much over the past couple of years?
In high school I had my group of boys that I hung out with and every Tuesday and Thursday we would play the sport that was in season. We played basketball in the cold, baseball in the spring, hockey in the parking lot of the doctor's office. They were my boys and I was the only girl in the group, if any other girls tried to move in on it they were usually my friends who were a bit jealous and who failed miserably to be as cool as I was.
I found that I was much the same in college. The buddy, the girl who you went to when you had girl problems, because for some reason guys think that because we are a girl we understand all girls. If only they knew how different we all really were. I didn't understand the motivations for half the girls these boys would be interested in. Yes, being the buddy brought heartache because I fell for more than one of my "buddies", how could I not? I saw the real them and they enjoyed hanging out with the real me, and even though I cried many nights because in the end the guys didn't want me as anything more than a buddy, it was better than being all alone.
Okay, so the real reason I was writing. I went to the dentist this afternoon and as I was sitting in the dentist chair reading a magazine waiting for my cleaning, I remembered an apartment of boys I used to hang out with who owned a green dental chair much like this one:Minus the strange contraption on the head rest. I used to hang out with a lot of cool boys. Sumo-wrestling in the snow, coed hockey teams, Sunday night game night, cheerleading for a flag football team, playing on a flag football team. Yeah, I used to be cool, what the heck happened and can I get back to being cool again??
There was even this kid Mike who watched Lord of the Rings every day but he was still a cool guy. I used to watch it with him almost everyday too. I still remember the day that I stuffed my bra and walked up to him sitting on my couch and pointed at his leg asking if that seat was taken. When he called my bluff I sat next to him instead and went on and on about how I noticed him trying to hold my hand and he could hold it now if he wanted to (which he grabbed my hand and held it, I need to see if I can find that picture). I also went on about how I noticed he was wearing orange and orange was the color of passion. The whole joke inspired the soundtrack, "Is This Seat Taken - and other songs Mike sings in his head when I pass by." Which yes, I gave to him at the end of the year. Yeah - I used to make creepy look cool.

Shaky future

Conference was really good. I mean really, really, good. I hope that you were all able to watch or listen, it's not the same when you read it a month later in the Ensign.

Several things seemed to scream out to me during the talks. One such being unity, each session seemed to say something about it. Unity is not something I'm all too great with, it's not a natural gift I have been bestowed with, as this blog well proves. So wanting to make it to heaven I'm going to apply the things spoken of during conference. I can be entertaining without being rude to people to their faces or behind their backs, with little nicknames or clever remarks (cause let's face it, I'm pretty darn clever).

What I'm saying is that I don't really see the point of a brutally honest blog when I'm going to start keeping my nasty side to myself, until I can control it and make it go away. It's too much of a temptation to have it here, to have the friends that I have reading it supporting me (it's super nice having support, I'm not saying anything is wrong with it) but I shouldn't take advantage of that. Maybe you knew it was coming, you read between the lines (was it really between the lines? I think not) of an earlier post. Maybe the brief revival I had for about a week seemed like I was back (if so I'm sorry). But I think three years is enough don't you? Consider it a tiger going out strong, but it still goes out.

http://backwheniwascool.blogspot.com/2008/10/age-of-enlightenment.html