Chapter 45: An Arch Nemesis Returns

Do you believe that people can change? I do and I don’t. I think it’s possible for biblical characters such as Saul (who changed his name to Paul because his change was so great). I’d change my name too if I did a complete 180. However, I find it difficult to imagine people I know changing. The way that the world operates is that you’re a bad person if you want people to change, you should just “love them for who they are”. But the thing is, sometimes people don’t know who they are, and they are less than they could be (and sometimes, people just don’t like the way that they are). People cling to the idea that “this is just who I am” and they know the world backs them in this misconception. Paul had the help of Divine Intervention where he was pretty much struck with spirit of God and told to straighten up or die, maybe he wasn’t told that exactly but you get the point; People I know may not be so fortunate.
You’re probably wondering where I am going with this. My main concern here with people changing is Ms. X. It’s been a long time since I’ve mentioned her, but I’m sure I’ve at least given a background of her. She’s been out of the country for the last eighteen months serving a mission for church. I haven’t written or had any form of communication with her since about two months before she left. I was completely okay with that. In fact she’s been gone the entire time that I have been writing here. I can’t believe I’ve been writing in this for 18 months already.
So some things have started in motion leading up to the return of Ms. X. A woman that worked closely with both of us when we were younger will be attending our ward because her husband was just called into our bishopric. I’ll call her Goodwill, because really, that’s what she’s all about, I don’t think she’s ever had a mean thing to say about anyone or to anyone. She’s just the nicest person. So Goodwill is the one who informed me that Ms. X will be returning in approximately two weeks. Goodwill expects me to be excited about this, she is under the assumption (from Ms. X mind you) that we are best friends. I had just been thinking that morning, trying to figure out when Ms. X will be returning and it certainly isn’t because I want to see her, it’s more of a countdown until life becomes more beleaguered and dramatic. Deep inside I know that I should assume that Ms. X has changed and has no intention of drowning me in the juices of gossip, sweat of rivalry, and depths of despair. But then again, experience has taught me that she is ruthless. The many mental breakdowns she fringed for me during high school, the pathetic inside jokes that every statement we said seemed to become, the competition for boys that I saw first, the way that she grabs my arm when she thinks we are getting along, the way that she brings up that time that she started dating the guy that I had liked for 2 years and her being my best friend at the time knew all about it.
Given this information people would say that I haven’t forgiven her, and maybe I fooled myself, maybe I thought I had forgiven her when really I’ve only been harboring ill will. She’s a bully, it’s the only way I can put it and it seems ridiculous saying that she is a bully when physically I could kick her trash, but mentally and emotionally she has some strange power to wear me down and she has been the cause of many of my guy problems, and she’s been the cause of even more nightmares.
I absolutely fear her coming home. I’m placing ten dollars on the betting table that she goes for Coz, twenty-five that she thinks we can pick up where we left off in high school, and fifty that she calls me ‘Jess’ and asks me if I remember some random “inside joke” from 7 years ago on the very first time I see her again, oh and that she says that I was trouble and she was my side kick in high school. Give me a break, I’m more trouble now than I was in high school and for those of you who know me you realize that that means I was the perfect teenager…except for a couple of things, but she didn’t have any part in those events.