Chapter 48: The Return

So last night I had a “Benny and Joon” party. It was going all right. Everyone was late except for two people but I planned it that way. In our culture if you want people there by a certain time you typically tell them it starts at least half an hour earlier then you want it to start. Then they’ll get there close to on time even though they are late. It’s absolutely fascinating and I wonder if there really are people in existence who have friends who all actually show up on time.
Anyway, so I was having a good time playing “Uno” though I typically don’t like that game. Then in comes Coz with two of his male friends and suddenly who do I see standing within the walls of my home? Ms. X! I don’t know how that happened, and Coz, like a man of desperation seemed to be hanging out with anyone he could besides her. I’ve never really known Coz to be afraid of many things but I know for a fact that Coz doesn’t like to be left alone with Ms. X. It’s like a small child with a dark room, it’s considered cruel and unusual punishment to force him to do so. Yet, Coz has his own illness that makes avoiding Ms. X almost impossible. He has the inability to tell someone that he doesn’t want to hang out with them. Cantsaynomeosis is a rare but deadly disease, don’t worry, so far it doesn’t seem contagious.
Ms. X came into the room and we made eye contact so I gave her the same uneasy smile and disengaged wave of the hand that I used to give my Aunt who abandoned her children with my parents so that she could more easily deal drugs and then ended up serving a year in prison all the while writing letters to her children about how great life will be one day. Needless to say, at one point or another in my life I truly hated my aunt, and at those times that’s how I acknowledged her presence in a room. It was not an inviting thing, but rather, a “there are people around and I don’t want them to think poorly of me if I truly say how I feel about you.” To this day I still can’t hug my aunt and act like nothing has happened. I’ll talk to her, I’m pretty much over all that she did, but I can’t muster the strength to act like I really care about her anymore. I don’t consider that holding a grudge, just because your feelings towards a person change during the process of forgiveness doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven them, it just means you don’t feel the same way about them anymore, could happen to anyone.
Digression. So Mrs. X comes up, didn’t say anything, but she came to stand really close to me like I was supposed to jump up from my intense game of Uno and embrace her. No, I just acted as though rather than the front of her knees were level with my eyes it was the back of her knees and she was unaware of how closely she was standing. Basically, I pretended I didn’t notice her. Then she went and took a seat in the dining room and I got a text message from Diva saying she couldn’t believe that Ms. X was here.
Coz (who by the way I’ve been trying to get to have a D.T.R. with me, but he just won’t do it and I think he’s on to me and calling my bluff) seemed to lose brain cells by the second because he kept coming up to me and even though it’s his natural inclination to be touchy feely, he shouldn’t be touchy feely with me in front of Ms. X if he doesn’t want her to go for him. It’s like some strange version of King Midas and the golden touch. Every member of the male species that I have any contact with whatsoever turns into Ms. X’s next victim…I’d rather they turn into gold.
Later Ms. X came over to stand by me again but this time she made it more obvious that she was standing there to get my attention. She leaned forward and just smiled at me like I’m supposed to be excited to see her. I made small talk, said, “Welcome home, did you have a good time?” for the life of me though I can’t remember hearing her say anything, I think she may have nodded her response, but I can’t remember hearing her voice the whole night. Maybe she lost her voice box in Brazil…that would be fantastic. Like poor little Ariel lost her voice in Little Mermaid and had a harder time trying to get her man. It took all those fish friends to do it and I’m pretty sure Ms. X doesn’t have a lot of fish friends.
Coz and his male friends and Ms. X left the party not too much longer after getting there (thank goodness, I would have liked them to stay if they were just the three amigos and didn’t have Ms. X with them). Not long after they left though MM and…someone else, I can’t remember the other person contributing to the conversation began talking about Ms. X. I understand that I am bad mouthing her here in this little thing, but I didn’t do it in front of bunch of people, some who don’t know her, some who do, but regardless, none that needed to hear what they were saying. I am venting, I don’t really know what they were doing. But they were saying things I have thought, but I wouldn’t talk about it in a room full of people. While they were talking I quietly sang, “g-o-s-s-i-p, deadly and sticky”. I’m a hypocrite I realize this, I think it’s the human condition, along with being a flake. However, maybe what we all need to no longer be the way we are is to have other hypocrites just chide us when we do something wrong. Since we are all hypocrites maybe we would start to see how we all are and maybe even change. Maybe I’m wrong and that will increase the chance of burning in the world to come. Life’s all about chances right?
Anyway, we all went upstairs to watch the movie and didn’t have to deal with it anymore. Then after the movie the conversation seemed to be centered on Coz, which it shouldn’t have been and I should have stopped it because the night before Duckie and I had talked about starting a movement where we no longer discussed Coz, it’s one thing when you are in the room with him, talking to him. It’s another when he is no where around but everyone just wants to talk about him. I am in full support of Duckie and banning Coz’s name from public conversation, it’s all gossip anyway, why not get rid of it? From now on, in real life he will be “He whose name must not be spoken.” Yeah, sounds good to me.

Chapter 47: Did I Ask You?

So, I had to go to work right after finding out from MM that my dog had been found. I have to admit that when you are upset you do things you may regret. I almost e-mailed my mom about moving home, instead I contacted Duckie about becoming roommates. I can’t live with MM anymore, it’s more than just her telling me what she thought was best for me. She is not living my life, she does not think the way I do, so she has no say in my decisions. Besides all of that I can’t continue to live with her because I can’t continue to be between her and Bull and I can remove myself from MM more easily. It’s time to move anyway. I can’t expect my roommates to want my dog to return. First thing I asked Duckie is if she likes dogs; once that was established I asked if she would be completely opposed to living with my dog and I. She’s not opposed but she wants to talk about it in person. So we’ll see. Then I texted MM and told her I wanted my dog back. I also texted Baby Face and told him I found my dog. He called me and we talked about it then he asked what I was doing, but I was on my way to work. He thanked me for the CDs though I don’t know if he’s actually listened to them and then we hung up.
When I got home from work I wasn’t going to even talk to my roommates, nothing personal against Diva or Jellybean, but I didn’t feel like talking. I felt like this was something I was supposed to be thrilled about and yet at the same time felt like I shouldn’t be excited because I shouldn’t take him back. I was still angry at MM and unfortunately I usually let that affect everyone. But I went upstairs and talked to them and felt like I was over reacting anyway and then Jelly bean came in and started to give me her opinion and I wasn’t too thrilled about that and then it just slipped out that I was looking for another place to live. I sat up in Diva’s room for a while talking and MM came home while I was up there, I closed the door so that I could hide from her, not that it helps. She came up and asked where I was and Jelly bean pointed. She had me listen to the message, like that was going to change my mind. Why couldn’t she just give me the number? She didn’t just have me listen to the message either; she had it on speaker phone so that everyone could. I know she probably didn’t mean anything by it, but I’m one of those people who reads into everything so the gesture just kind of ticked me off more and actually made me more determined to get my dog back. Jelly Bean told me after MM had left that she would get the dog back after listening to that message.
Jelly Bean came down to my room later to talk to me about it. I wanted her honest opinion of what she would think if I brought the dog back. I’m not necessarily convinced that she would actually be in support, but she tried to make me feel that way. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I do like where I am at, but if Duckie and I can find something in a good price range I can’t guarantee that I won’t decide to do it. My life is full of changes right now, what’s the harm in adding one more?

Chapter 46: Speak of the Devil

My mom told me that when she was younger her brothers and she called her sister Buffy. Her sister thought it was after a character on a TV show and was enthusiastic for the nickname because she loved that character. My mom told me that what they never told her sister was that “Buffy” was short for Buffalo, and they were calling her sister Buffalo because she would pound around the house and they could always hear her coming.
With that I continue my rant about Motor Mouth whom from this time forth will be called MM or M&M…either way, that way if she were to find it after this point she might think the name was more endearing then it actually is. She knocked on my door today during her lunch break, opened the door even though I had not welcomed her in yet, I could have been half naked! So since she did this I’m pretty sure she saw my over dramatic spin up from my seat where I was rolling my eyes…okay, never mind she just came and talked to me
She got a phone call from a lady who has my dog! So instead of just saying, “We found your dog!” she starts off with, “hear me out.” And just like all these other freaks in my life who try to tell me what to do she proceeded to tell me that she thinks it would be best if I just let these people have the dog! First off, they saw the flyer a long time ago and never called then, so I’m supposed to say, “Oh yeah, you’ve kept my dog for two months without giving me so much as a phone call to let me know that he wasn’t dead, but you know what, go ahead and keep him.” Hell no! I want my dog, and you know what MM has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want the dog here so I’ll see what my other options are but I’m not going to let her keep my dog when she didn’t have the common decency to call when she first saw the flyer! And I know it’s horrible but one of my thoughts was to tell MM that it’s a $400 dog…you don’t just give those away to strangers who didn’t bother to call sooner. Yes, I’m happy my dog is okay and that he is alive…but I want him back.
And you know what? Why did MM have to come and say, “We need to talk,” rather then just saying, “I found your dog!”? For someone who doesn’t like drama she sure lathers it on.
And the fact that she tells me that she thinks it’s best that we let them keep him pisses me off because who is she to tell me what to do and to make me feel bad about wanting my dog back!?

Chapter 45: An Arch Nemesis Returns

Do you believe that people can change? I do and I don’t. I think it’s possible for biblical characters such as Saul (who changed his name to Paul because his change was so great). I’d change my name too if I did a complete 180. However, I find it difficult to imagine people I know changing. The way that the world operates is that you’re a bad person if you want people to change, you should just “love them for who they are”. But the thing is, sometimes people don’t know who they are, and they are less than they could be (and sometimes, people just don’t like the way that they are). People cling to the idea that “this is just who I am” and they know the world backs them in this misconception. Paul had the help of Divine Intervention where he was pretty much struck with spirit of God and told to straighten up or die, maybe he wasn’t told that exactly but you get the point; People I know may not be so fortunate.
You’re probably wondering where I am going with this. My main concern here with people changing is Ms. X. It’s been a long time since I’ve mentioned her, but I’m sure I’ve at least given a background of her. She’s been out of the country for the last eighteen months serving a mission for church. I haven’t written or had any form of communication with her since about two months before she left. I was completely okay with that. In fact she’s been gone the entire time that I have been writing here. I can’t believe I’ve been writing in this for 18 months already.
So some things have started in motion leading up to the return of Ms. X. A woman that worked closely with both of us when we were younger will be attending our ward because her husband was just called into our bishopric. I’ll call her Goodwill, because really, that’s what she’s all about, I don’t think she’s ever had a mean thing to say about anyone or to anyone. She’s just the nicest person. So Goodwill is the one who informed me that Ms. X will be returning in approximately two weeks. Goodwill expects me to be excited about this, she is under the assumption (from Ms. X mind you) that we are best friends. I had just been thinking that morning, trying to figure out when Ms. X will be returning and it certainly isn’t because I want to see her, it’s more of a countdown until life becomes more beleaguered and dramatic. Deep inside I know that I should assume that Ms. X has changed and has no intention of drowning me in the juices of gossip, sweat of rivalry, and depths of despair. But then again, experience has taught me that she is ruthless. The many mental breakdowns she fringed for me during high school, the pathetic inside jokes that every statement we said seemed to become, the competition for boys that I saw first, the way that she grabs my arm when she thinks we are getting along, the way that she brings up that time that she started dating the guy that I had liked for 2 years and her being my best friend at the time knew all about it.
Given this information people would say that I haven’t forgiven her, and maybe I fooled myself, maybe I thought I had forgiven her when really I’ve only been harboring ill will. She’s a bully, it’s the only way I can put it and it seems ridiculous saying that she is a bully when physically I could kick her trash, but mentally and emotionally she has some strange power to wear me down and she has been the cause of many of my guy problems, and she’s been the cause of even more nightmares.
I absolutely fear her coming home. I’m placing ten dollars on the betting table that she goes for Coz, twenty-five that she thinks we can pick up where we left off in high school, and fifty that she calls me ‘Jess’ and asks me if I remember some random “inside joke” from 7 years ago on the very first time I see her again, oh and that she says that I was trouble and she was my side kick in high school. Give me a break, I’m more trouble now than I was in high school and for those of you who know me you realize that that means I was the perfect teenager…except for a couple of things, but she didn’t have any part in those events.

Chapter 44: I'm Not Complaining

I had the worst trainee in the history of the world. Back in November or December I thought I had a hard time with these two boys that were promotional trains, but this girl last night actually topped both of them combined. It still amazes me how on earth she got through the interview process and her hiring specialist actually thought she could be a cashier. Believe it or not being a cashier takes a certain maturity level, I know, I was a little shocked at this too, I didn’t realize until I started training that some people really should just be courtesy clerks (baggers). So, oh crap, this story involved a new character who may show up more so I have to think up a name for him…Rookie? I don’t know, he’s young, he himself may lack the maturity to train but he’s a nice kid, so I’ll cut him slack, and after last night he owes me steak dinner. So, Rookie was facilitating the class last night (I had already been there since 10:30 that morning) and he has a full time job during the day for the summer, and he was really tired. I told him to suck it up and teach the class, not in those words, but he was teaching, I had already done my stint. So he teaches the classroom portion and then he comes up to me during break and asks me if I will do the lab part because he felt like he was “losing himself” not in the dramatic he no longer knows who he is and was falling by the wayside of sin, but in the, “I have no idea if what I am saying is making sense anymore”. I look at the meager group of 4 and since that morning I had a group of 7 and it went without a hitch I figure I can help Rookie out. I agree and my first hint that this might not be a good idea was the fact that I had trouble getting the four of them to follow me to the register lab. Finally got them in though and I began the lab. Right from the start the group was too loud and I couldn’t tell who it was being too loud, if just one or a couple of them, I mentioned that this group was a little A.D.D. tonight (don’t know if I’m allowed to say that as a trainer but there are a lot of rules I may have broken last night). My group of 7 earlier in the day had been so polite and quiet and learning everything and really they were a godsend because this week it was just Rookie and me for the beginning of the week and since Rookie has that other job I didn’t have a second trainer to help me in the morning class. Two of us didn’t seem like enough in the evening class. I finally get through some basics but then, I don’t know, let’s call her…The Infinitesimal Brain starts hitting all the buttons, like that’s kosher! Then she starts playing with all the mock groceries. Might I add here that every time you hit a button on the register in the lab it makes a small beep sound. So it was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*, which is what I felt like saying, but I touched my ice cold hands to cool off my burning face and at one point started walking towards the door and said, “I can’t take it! I’m out of here!” But then the look of panic on Rookie’s face made me turn around and laugh it off, even though my face was probably the same shade as a tomato. So I think my near nervous breakdown got everyone to chill out, except The Infinitesimal Brain, she just kept going. She had the valley girl accent, so if you know what I’m talking about picture that in your head. I don’t knooww, like, it’s, kindaaa, like, sloweerr than most people. And sometimesss, words like drag out a little longeerr than normall and there are weird…pauseess. So many spell check errors in that last sentence, but I don’t know how to write a dragged out word.
About thirty minutes into the lab portion of class she is slouching over her register and saying, “Gosh! I can’t stand this long!” Everyone kind of just looked at her and I said, “You’ve got to stand a whole lot longer during work.”
“Oh my gosh! Are you serious!?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“It’s so long.”
Airhead! It’s not as if the work requirements weren’t covered with her, during the interview and Tuesday in class, the whole part where you need to be able to stand for at least 4 hours, and lift 50 pounds, and if you can’t do these you can’t really do the job. Rookie and I kept making faces at each other and I told him that he owed me one and after a little while longer I told him that he owed me something big. I decided what he owed me later that night while I was leaving a voicemail for TDH with his test scores I started to tell him about The Infinitesimal Brain and told him that Rookie owed me dinner so he should come and we would talk about it.
I’m just too tired to even write about her. Needless to say we failed her despite a good test score and part of me wishes I had taken her out of class and told her to pack up her stuff and go home and we would be in touch. But at the time I didn’t realize I could do that.

Chapter 43: The Energizer Bunny

I just don’t get it. I do like Motor Mouth, I think that her intentions are pure, but why does she have to be so annoying about it? This morning I was getting dressed after getting out of the shower and she knocks on my door. I think I’m going to put some zapping device on my door and anytime that anyone tries to touch my door in anyway whatsoever they will receive a slight shock. If they continue to attempt the same action in a ten minute period the shocks will gradually increase. Right before the shock becomes lethal red lights flash and a siren will sound. Maybe a bull dog will come out of nowhere, I don’t know. Oops, I always do this, so back to the story. She asks me to come help her with a bulletin that she is trying to make to announce this little social thing she wants to do at church. Maybe I have been hanging out with Bull too much lately but I start to wonder why she is doing this. Apparently the activity this past Thursday went really well, of course it was to help introduce the younger girls into the program and out of three stakes which means at least 100 girls under the age of 18, only 3 showed up. However, about 25 girls from our ward showed up, which means that it probably had the highest attendance in the history of the ward. They socialized there; they don’t need an ice cream social. The part that gets me the most is apparently I have to attend it! I don’t believe in ice-cream being the center of a social event! I’ve said this before for anyone who was actually listening, but the last thing you want people to know about you is how you eat your ice-cream! Ice-cream is a very intimate dessert. It has to be enjoyed with 5 people or less! To have a social event orbiting around people eating ice-cream is making a mockery of the frozen diary production. All personal feelings aside, Bull had said something when Motor Mouth first brought this up asking why we needed it and sadly my thoughts were in unison with hers. But I helped Motor Mouth none the less and then went to finish getting ready for the day.
Later Motor Mouth came in to show me the flyers that she made and then she just keeps talking! Somehow anyone else could get away with doing this, Diva, Jellybean, anyone really, except her. So I continue to get ready, I’m not going to stand there and act like I’m really paying attention as she goes through her schedule as usual. She keeps saying how she has to do this and she has to do that and I simply say, “Doesn’t sound like you have to do any of that”. None of it was life or death; no one was forcing her to go. Her busy-ness is contingent on the fact that she chooses to be busy. She just laughed. I wasn’t kidding. Anyway, just so you know when I am getting ready in the morning I listen to my music loudly, so the whole time it’s been up pretty loud. She finally leaves the one door (I have two doors to my room). I do the finishing touches of getting ready and I’m not certain, but I think I can hear her. She’s moved to my back door which is by the laundry room and she’s talking to me! Why the hell does she think I can hear her! My music is blaring, my door is closed. Does she honestly think I can hear a word she is saying? Does the thinking process not complete? If I had been in her place and I could clearly hear music through a closed door I wouldn’t waste my breath! But there she was talking as though she were talking to herself but she was talking to me and she just kept going. She didn’t care if I could actually hear her and I was wondering if she was like one of those teachers who will hold you accountable for information that they think they told you. I should have just left the door closed but I was worried that she would come and knock on it so I opened it.
I finally got away only to be caught later that night. How many times can you try to end a conversation before you blow up at the person and tell them to shut-up? I think that question has a lot more in common to the ‘how many licks does it take’ tootsie pop question. You think that you can brave it and find out the answer but not much longer after you start you realize you are not strong enough to endure the testing procedure. I think that I have been having heart problems due to the fact that I keep getting stuck in everlasting conversations with Motor Mouth. She’s like a gobstopper. Man I need to eat some sugar so I’ll stop comparing everything to candy.
Several times tonight I mentioned that I was going to bed and she just kept going! She repeats too, like a CD cycling through the tracks again, except it’s not the exact same, the words are modified and there’s no catchy tune.