Chapter 42: Undesired Information

So, I’m a little weirded out right now. I’m not quite sure how I’m processing some new information that I got tonight. Two things. First is first okay? All right, so I made a trip to my happy place tonight, I needed a little boost in moral. I run into Baby Face which, since I am his stalker that wasn’t too difficult to do, actually he was right by the door when I came in. So we start talking and he says, “What was with that message you sent me?” Let me recap for you. So the last day of school for the county was this past Friday, so I thought I would be funny and text Baby Face and say, “The great Alice Cooper once said, ‘school’s out for summer, school’s out forever.’” I laughed at myself, I’m a genius. So not too much longer after that Baby Face replies with a “ha-ha”. I thought that meant he got it. Instead he’s been festering in confusion for a good 4 days! As soon as he asked what was up with it I got a red flag and I said, “Alice Cooper,” in case I forgot to write the first part of my ingenious text message, “Do you know who Alice Cooper is?” He gets a little shy, “no”. What the? It took me a moment to come out of shock and then I say something about how I must be old, I assumed everyone knew who he was. He asks me when it came out and I told him the 70’s and he says, “oh well that explains it” and I told him that I wasn’t around in the 70’s and I knew about it, his response, “Yeah I know you were born in the 60’s” to which I hit him and yet, at the same time I pitied him. It’s like the kids who didn’t know “Walk like an Egyptian”(I did write about that right?), I mean, what do you do with people like that? So I saw Poof Daddy and Wiggum and I asked them if they knew who Alice Cooper was. I knew that Wiggum knew, I was really only asking Poof Daddy and they both said yes and then asked if I did. Of course I do, but I explained that someone didn’t know and I didn’t want to say who it was because I didn’t want him to be embarrassed. It didn’t take long for them to get it out of me, I think I held out 2.5 seconds. But I made them promise that they wouldn’t say anything. Poof Daddy was saying that he was going to hit Baby Face because he didn’t know who Alice Cooper was (what it would be like to actually think like a guy) and Wiggum told him that I never told him that, so he couldn’t hit him. Apparently Baby Face doesn’t really listen to Rock and Roll…what else is there?
Okay, now on to the seconds. When I first ran into Wiggum and Poof Daddy, Wiggum pulled me aside because he had something to tell me. He got engaged. I know the woman he got engaged to, she’s really nice. The only problem is, Wiggum is a year younger than me and his new fiancée is at least 40 years old. We’re talking Demi and Ashton here, except they aren’t as beautiful as Demi and Ashton. I had a feeling that Wiggum had a mother complex but I didn’t realize he would actually get hitched to one! At best I thought it would end at flirtation, or casual dating. Of course Wiggum throws in while he’s talking to me that he wanted to tell me because he knew that I would understand and that I was cool with it. Sometimes we say things that we don’t mean, but then we can’t be a jerk and take it back and we couldn’t be a jerk in the first place and say something at the start, so we come across as supportive when in the crevasses of our minds we’re going crazy. I wiggled my hips and said, “Of course I understand, I mean I go for the younger guys all the time.” Not exactly a lie or a joke but it helped to pull me out of the shock enough to act happy for my friend. It’s a new world, and Demi is in, and all of us single ladies must unite or die off. I hope that when I’m 40-pluser I can find a 23 year old to spice things up, unless of course I end up with another 40-pluser and then I’ll be happy, but if I don’t I know where to find some young guys with mother complexes.
I’m just floored by it; I can’t really wrap my mind around it. Part of me feels like I should talk sense into both of them and the other part tells me to back off. If they are happy then that’s all that matters. Who cares that in a few years she’ll be on Medicaid. I can’t really judge because then I think I would be a hypocrite. For a long time I’ve been trying to tell myself that if a woman wants to go for a younger guy then that’s okay because society wouldn’t have a problem with an older guy and a younger girl, so why should they have a problem with the reverse? On the other hand, if I had a 23 year old female friend dating a 40-pluser I think I may still have the same cognitive complications. It sure makes a seven year difference look like a splinter in time. There must be something in the water.