Chapter 33: Public Enemy

So Non-friend and I had our first fight. We’ve known each other for at least 7 years and we had our first fight today. I’m not good with fights; it stems from my bad communication skills. The only way I know how to fight can be pretty dirty and usually is very damaging to the relationship. I either say something I’ll regret, or they say something that they should/will regret because I’ll go to ignore mode. Either way I have a very hard time letting fights go. Non-friend seemed fine when I first saw him today and then not long after I was up in the break room with him and I was telling him how I locked myself out of my office. I went and finally got it unlocked and went back to sit with him. He was reading the paper so I picked up the Classifieds and looked at some of the cars. I don’t think I did anything out of the ordinary, and I can’t place where I pissed him off, but he was being incredibly rude today. He said that I was aggravating him (which to me is a pretty strong word, you only say that when you’re really upset with someone) and then he got up to throw something away and asked if I was going to cry. (Not in a, “Wow, I think I’m being an ass, did what I say come across rude, I’m sorry” way, but in a, “I’m being an ass today, and this is just the beginning” way.) I told him ‘no’ but then I felt like maybe the desired effect was to have me cry. I forget the sequence of events but I finally just ended up getting up out of my seat and telling him that I was leaving and I would see him later as I walked away.
What did I do to him? The worst part would be my original thoughts of what to say to him next time I see him. If he should try to apologize I feel like just shrugging it off and asking him, “Why bother?” since according to him we were never really friends to begin with. I mean, why try so hard to maintain something that doesn’t even exist? The other part of me feels like he needs to apologize, and if he doesn’t then I just ignore and avoid. It’s easy enough to do. And it’s probably what I will do since I have a pretty good feeling he won’t apologize. It just makes me angry because no matter if it was me or if it was something else bothering him he shouldn’t be handling it this way. If it’s something else he shouldn’t be taking it out on me like that, and since we aren’t friends I don’t have to take that crap. If it’s something I did to him then he needs to learn to just tell me.
I’m just trying really hard lately to have a good attitude about things, about my whole life right now. I’m doing pretty good most of the time but every once in a while someone comes along and just puts a big dent in it, and to be honest it’s mostly coming from this store. Sometimes I think maybe it’s time to look for a new job.
I think I made my manager nervous last night because I was saying how I’m taking a class this summer and also when she was talking about contracts for teachers and how some of them make you stay on for 4 years sometimes, I said that I didn’t like contracts because I don’t like to make long term commitment. I didn’t say it with the intent for her to read into it and worry about if I’m looking for another job or not, but in a way it’s a good thing that she knows it could be coming. I was hoping to do it when the kid who took my place as a part-timer got trained, but he came with an expiration date so that’s a no go. It’s coming though because to be honest, I’d rather be in an office during the summer, getting my 8 hours everyday, whether or not I have something productive to do. I don’t want to have to account for every single minute. I’d rather just be on the clock and have the clock say whether or not I worked eight hours. I also am kind of tired with the people that I have to be around, and the fight with Non-friend didn’t help to make me feel anymore comfortable at that store.
Sometimes I just wish that I were a teenager again. There were a lot less problems then; it just didn’t seem that way to me at the time. Life was definitely different back then, I can’t say if it was better or not, just different.
I think I need to go make a visit to my happy place.