Chapter 21: What Am I?

Either the people in my life don’t know me, or I don’t know me. I’m not trying to prove a point here, I’m not trying to say that everyone in my life is oblivious to how I really am and I am right because it has to do with me. I easily could not know who I am. I could be in a funk and just not realize it.
Last night I hung out with my roommates. It doesn’t happen often and it is actually planned less. But last night was a planned get together. We were going to go see a movie, an early one because of my work schedule. I was going to meet them there and I had stopped by my happy place for about 15 minutes just to say ‘hi’ to some people. So I was running a little late to the movies. I drove around the entire parking lot, just so you know, it’s not just the parking lot for the movie theater, there’s Burger King, Barnes and Noble, Fridays, Skate Nation, American Family Fitness…and these are just the stores not connected the actual theater building. You have deli’s and ice-cream shops along the side. The parking lot itself is pretty big. So I am in my car looking for a spot while at the same time trying not to hit any pedestrians. Don’t even get me started on pedestrians. My roommates call me as I am attempting to make a left turn in this parking lot (on a Friday night I might add). Motor Mouth…being herself, is telling me in the most words possible what they are doing at that moment which basically is just that they were waiting in line at the kiosk to buy their tickets (the kiosk is faster then waiting in line outside, and warmer too). I finally told her that I was getting a horrible case of road rage and was going to hang up before I ended up yelling at her (I know my own limits). So I went to park in the far left hand corner of the store and preceded to work out in the freezing weather on my speed walk to the theater. When I get there my roommates are standing outside in the line and explain how the kiosk didn’t accept gift cards which are how they were going to pay for the tickets. We stand in line for a couple of minutes while I dramatically freaked out about my experience of trying to get a parking lot and asking if it was all really worth it. Then Motor Mouth sheepishly tells us that she just noticed that the movie we were going to go see was sold out. So I continue to freak out (not seriously freaking out, it’s just the way I am…or at the least the way I thought I was). At least Diva was laughing…she gets me.
So we go to Blockbuster to get a movie instead. They had a good sale going on (4 for $20). I was having trouble finding 4 movies that I didn’t already own or that I actually wanted to own. Motor Mouth kept pointing ones out to me or asking the group of us if any of us saw a particular one. She threw out one title and I said I didn’t like it, then she threw out another one and I said I didn’t finish it (I had started but got bored with it), so she says that she wasn’t ever going to ask me about movies because I’m too picky. I personally don’t see anything wrong with being picky about movies. I think you can trust people’s opinions about movies more if they are actually picky about them. My roommates are picky and I can’t stand half the movies they watch. I finally had 4 movies picked out but I looked that huge line and put the movies back. I said something about everyone in line being the movie theater rejects and Motor Mouth piped up that she wasn’t a reject and I looked at her and said, “Well you’re not in line are you?” She said it again later and I was half tempted to tell her that maybe she was just in denial. There are certain people who you have to remind that it isn’t always about them. We finally left and went to the store to get stuff to eat for dinner and decided to go to our friend’s house for a movie.
When we were there we were all in line to use her microwave to heat up our dinners. Jelly Bean beat me to it and I got an attitude with her (not a real one because I could seriously care less if I got the microwave first). Motor Mouth said I was on one. Every time I said something she asked if I had a bad day at work. I felt like telling her that this is just the way I am. (P.S. we watch a movie which was pretty okay, better then I expected at least…but I can’t figure out what all the fuss is with this Tatum Channing (SP?) guy).
Now, if this were an isolated incidence I wouldn’t suspect anything. I wouldn’t wonder if I didn’t know myself, know my own kinks and quirks. Because I truly believe that I am an over-reactor, I dramatize things to make life seem more interesting. Tonight however I went to my parents house to have dinner with my family and I was doing my normal thing (which I at least thought was my normal thing) I like to consider it the Jerry Seinfeld approach. The, “What’s up with that?!” approach to things that come my way. I speculated at how I got an anniversary check in February when my original anniversary was in April and my rehire one was in May. My mom pipes up that for someone who does training for the company I sure do a lot of complaining. This remark is what made me wonder if maybe I’m just not myself lately, but I am the only one who hasn’t noticed. Is that possible? If I’m not myself how do I get back to the way I was if I don’t think that I wasn’t that way? Make sense? I just want to know how I used to be…or how people perceived me as being so I can just go back to being what I was.