Chapter 16: Some Things need to Run Out of Gas

We all know how I feel about talking. Tonight out of the kindness of my heart and a desire to get along with Motor Mouth I made a huge mistake and asked how her speech went today for her public speaking class. Not only did I actually have to listen to the four minute long speech (because her teacher made them all record their speeches so that they could listen to them later) but then she went on for a good 45 minutes rarely taking a breath. What was she talking about you may ask…and my only response is good question. There was some major stream of consciousness going on, and I’ve determined that the stream is only fun when two or more people are in on it. Having to listen to someone paddle down an overly emotional stream of consciousness is boring and honestly makes you light headed. I believe that the phrase, “for the love of all that is holy make her stop,” slipped in and out of my mind several times.
It’s worse when she comes to my room and knocks on my door, only to hold me captive as she rambles about the most random, and not even fun topics. The worst feeling is wondering how long you are going to be forced to sit there standing by the door with your hand on the doorknob waiting until you can finally close it and life can continue on. No matter how boring my life is, it’s still my life and wasted moments unfortunately will never be able to be collected to be used on something more valuable.
It’s because of this that I worry about myself. I hope that I am not someone’s Motor Mouth. I want to learn to listen to other people and pay attention to whether they are trying to get in a word, or if they are trying to escape. I already apologize to people when I feel that I have dominated the conversation and bored them and people always say that they don’t mind, or that they like it…people lie. The world would be a better place if people didn’t feel the need to spare other people’s feelings. I feel the need to insert a disclaimer here because I know that I am one of those people who feel the need to spare other people’s feelings, I just wish that I wasn’t, and that it was okay to be that way and to treat others that way. We’re supposed to be honest, I’m just trying to make the world a better place. To have a little blast from the past Spam has been giving me some trouble lately. She’s the eerie combination of Thorn and The Antagonizer. Today she put a welt on my nephew’s forehead. She didn’t intend to hit his head, but she certainly intended to tackle him to the ground despite the fact that all the adults in her life have told her time and time again not to do that. How many times does someone have to be told something before it finally sticks? She bumped her head on the way down and of course expected all the attention and was disappointed when she didn’t get any but negative. All she could say (one of her world famous phrases) was, “I didn’t mean to.” If I had a nickel for every time that she has said, “It’s not my fault” or “I didn’t mean to” I wouldn’t need to work. Please, for the love, someone start paying me for that. Today it reminded me of an experience that I had with The Antagonizer. I believe that I have written about it before, she bumped into me and I said something about her bumping into me and she said that she didn’t see me…which I guess means she didn’t think that it should be her fault. I kept trying to tell her that regardless of whether or not she saw me, she still bumped into me. Very frustrating. The part where she reminds me of Thorn…is how she is so self-centered. She hurt my nephew but she is expecting everyone to fawn all over her. In retrospect maybe the similarities are not in their personalities per se but the fact that all three are immature. Spam is only 8, Thorn probably stopped her emotional maturity at age 13 when her mom died, and Antagonizer with her history probably was emotionally stunted. This deficiency really is through no fault of their own…maybe knowing this will help me to deal with people like this better…at least on days that I am feeling up to the task of being a better person.