Chapter 15: Find a Happy Place

So I’m in love with a 17 year old. I feel as guilty as the fifth grader on my elementary school bus who proclaimed that she liked a 3rd grader. Oddly enough that seems more pedophilic to me then a 24 year old liking a 17 year old; even though their age difference was probably 3 to 4 years max. I’ve decided, or maybe the word I’m looking for is consoled myself to the point where I actually believe it’s okay, and I’m not really that ashamed. Yet, I guess I still feel guilty because I keep wondering why I would like a 17 year old. I’ve ultimately decided that I’m deprived of attention from the opposite sex, and since my dating pool sadly consists of either drinkers or metros I’m dipping into the younger dating pool, the manly men/boys who you still have to force to watch chick flicks as opposed to those who get together in groups and watch “The Notebook” or “Titanic”.
I guess being in love with a 17 year old is balanced by the fact that the human heart (or at least mine) has the capacity to love more then one person and I am also in love with someone my own age. He’s a drinker though, and probably has no interest in me, but the more time I spend with him the more I absolutely adore him. Even though he tells me a bit too much personal information involving his bowels and he wipes his nose with his hand a lot, and I’m a bit of a germ-a-phobe. Keep in mind here I am using the word “love” extremely loosely, the appropriate word is probably “adore” but in context it seemed to make me sound like a doting mother instead of a disturbed young adult. There you have it, the story of my life. I am always attracted to people that I can never have. I still haven’t deduced whether this is a subconscious thing or a conscious personal attack on my happiness. Part of me thinks that it is a subconscious fear of commitment to another human being so the most attractive people to me are the ones who don’t want any commitment from me.
I told my roommate that I need a boyfriend to fill the empty hours; because again, last night I went to the store and hung out for about two hours. I wasn’t going to go until later but I was oddly getting depressed at my parent’s house, so I left and went to my happy place. I stalked Baby Face as usual and found him and Steel Eyes in the locker room stealing Puppy Love’s skateboard from his unlocked locker. They almost peed their pants when I came around the corner, of course I actually didn’t know that they were in the locker area and I was going to make sure I had all of my stuff out of mine. So we sat and talked for a bit, both boys were suppose to be working but it was really slow so they decided to pick on other associates. I asked Steel Eyes if he had a court date (he got arrested by a truancy officer…oh sorry, detained by a truancy officer. He was handcuffed, I consider that an arrest). Oh, and Baby Face and Steel Eyes were trying to guess my age. Steel Eyes said “19” then Baby Face said “24” then he started to rapidly go down “23, 22, 21, 20”. Then he asked “which one is it, 20 or 21?” I just said, “Yes”. Then they kept pressing me so I said, “30”. They wouldn’t believe me and finally decided that I was 21 and asked if I would buy them alcohol. I told them I wouldn’t buy alcohol for minors (or ever really) and Baby Face says, “I’m not a minor, I’m 18.” I called him on it. I know his age, I’m very aware of his age.
Finally I went to talk to Jaq about getting some hours later this week. Then I started to talk to my friend at customer service and it was her break so I decided to eat dinner with her. We decided to go outside even though it was probably about 30 degrees or so. We sat at the café tables and tried to act like we weren’t freezing, but hey, we were living on the edge. Baby Face had finally got to work, collecting store trash. He came to get the trash from the outside café area and was a little surprised to see people braving the weather. So he sat down with us and we started a conversation. I threw two pieces of nasty popcorn chicken towards the trash and missed and Baby Face told me that it was a hazard, someone might slip on it. My friend (Tipsy) agreed to it but said that Baby Face should have to pick it up because I was a customer. He stated one of the Core Behaviors that I have to teach all the time in my training and I told him good job and asked if he could remember all five and he started to name the values. I told him they were the values but he could have at it and name them too. So he starts and my friend is trying to think of them too and they got “Be helpful, Be safe, Be honest” and the fourth one is Be Hardworking and I interjected at this point and said, “Be Good Looking, which we three have down.” I don’t know why I said it, but it just came out and we all got a good laugh at it. I said in my training I would change the fourth one to “be good looking” and that way we would have an elite group working for us. Consider me the grocery store Hitler. We were joking around that I would kick people out of training if they weren’t, or maybe even give them the number of a plastic surgeon if I felt that much was needed.
Then I went inside and my “best friend” as I call her at work was going on break so I went with her and we talked upstairs. It’s funny what she puts up with when she hangs out with me, because the word she uses the most with me is, “Focus.” But she keeps talking to me! This is why she is my best friend at work. Baby Face confronted me about leaving the store and I didn’t deny it. I didn’t deny it last week when I told Steel Eyes and another guy that I would be leaving by the end of the month but at the time they didn’t seem to believe me. Steel Eyes ultimately must have because he’s the one who told Baby Face I was leaving. In a way I like that they were talking about me, it shows they care, either that or that they are shameless gossips which I find a difficult characteristic to believe in teenage boys, but I could be wrong.
Later Best Friend and I were talking after her break (I told you I was there for about 2 hours) and Baby Face came back up and I said, “This is my other best friend at work.” He seemed dejected for some reason, I think it’s what Best Friend said to him but I can’t recall what it was that she said, so I patted him on the back and that seemed to cheer him up. Best Friend and I were talking about people we know in Iraq and I told her how my brother-in-law is in a sniper group and Baby Face heard and said that he wanted to be on S.W.A.T. but then he said he never could be because he wasn’t the brightest. I’m now determined to find out what he has to do to be on S.W.A.T. I also reminded him that we never went shooting; he says that we have to set up a time to do that. Right now though, with the weather, I don’t think I want to sit outside shooting a gun while my toes go numb. Maybe some time during his spring break when the weather is getting warmer. This is one of those times when Best Friend pulled out a “focus” to get my attention back. I’ve begun a poll to see how many girls have seen the movie “The Notebook” because I am pretty sure I am the only girl who hasn’t, and oddly, it’s a fact I’m reasonably proud of. Oh, just so you know that’s where Best Friend and mine’s conversation veered off to.
Also Best Friend and I decided that Steel Eyes was a girl and he heard us and turned around and said, “I am a girl, and you both are just jealous.” Then he tried to saunter off swaying his hips back and forth but he just looked like a duck waddling away. Best Friend and I were laughing and I said that he didn’t really do it that well and she said thank goodness he didn’t because then you would really begin to wonder.
Later I was talking to Baby Face when I realized that Steel Eyes and this other girl at work were playing “rock, paper, scissors” to decide who would take the order out that they just finished. Steel Eyes won, meaning that the girl had to take it out and I was laughing because sometimes I make my trainees play that game. He said he always wins because he is the champion. So he played everyone in a quick game, best of three, and he kept winning. When he had competed against everyone else I stepped up to the plate. In other words, I brought my A-game. I ended up winning the “rock, paper, scissors” contest and defeated the undefeated. Is there any question why this place is my happy place?