Is it okay if I talk a lot today?

Mondo Mania = Mondo Drama.
This weekend we had the Mondo Mania party, where my friend (the Musician I think I named her) makes Mondo buns (cinnamon rolls) and we eat them. Simple enough right? This isn't high school, so there really shouldn't be any drama involved in having people over to stuff their faces, and yet, that's what happened. It wasn't so much during the party or directly after it, it was Sunday morning. So Bball man still e-mails me, I have flat out told him that I don't see him that way so I'm not in the least worried about e-mailing him. I can do that without leading him on because I have said clearly that there's nothing there (I am stating this now because who knows, people surprise you sometimes with their intelligence (or lack there of at times)). So he e-mailed me Saturday, asked how my day went, told me about his (this is what we do every day...except when I don't respond every day because I don't feel I should have to, it gets annoying having the same conversation over and over again). Oh, but one day before that he wrote and asked if I was mad at him because I didn't seem as talkative lately...this isn't the first time he has asked if I am mad at him and I feel like saying, "what does it matter?" Cause it doesn't. I wrote back and just explained that sometimes I go through phases where I don't talk as much, and I don't even notice I'm doing it. Then I told him that if I was mad at him I would tell him. So hopefully he'll stop asking. It's just annoying to me, I don't know what about it makes it that way, but I can't stand it, not just with him, but I've had other guys act this way and it just pushes me further from them.
So I write him about my Saturday and then tell him I should get going. (P.S. he wasn't on the invite list for Mondo Mania...and let me explain why. I was going to add him but then I decided first that he probably wouldn't come, second that he might take it too personally that I did invite him (I was afraid he would read more into it than it was because lets face it, he's done that before), and thirdly I decided to just keep it to the regulars, I didn't invite one other person for the same reason. It wasn't me trying to be exclusive, honestly, I wouldn't care if they came, but as far as sending out invites I decided not to. There are several other people too, I just figured that they wouldn't come so I didn't waste the energy.
So Saturday night he writes back and says he understands about the phases and such and then he tells me that he heard I was having a get together at my house Saturday and was wondering why I didn't invite him.
I got the e-mail Saturday night, and I let it go until I got home Sunday night (I didn't feel like dealing with it). So Sunday night I write back and tell him pretty much the truth, I just have regulars I'm used to inviting and went through the list looking for their names and honestly just didn't even think about it. I told him I was sorry (the kind that I don't really mean because I'm a heartless jerk apparently) and said that next time I have something I'll make sure he is on the "invite list" and I told him that I'm not an exclusive get together-er, I don't care who comes. Or something like that. I also told him what we did and talked about how I spent most of my time talking to my friend from N.C. (which is true, until she left and then I wandered again).
So he e-mails me back like an hour later and says, "I was just curious I'm not mad at you (wasn't worried about that) but that's not what I heard." or something like that. It bothered me the way it was written "but that's not what I heard." and I am wondering, is he questioning why I didn't invite him? That I hung out with my N.C. friend most of the time? That that's what we did? Either way in essence he has called me a liar (or at least that's how I am reading into it at the moment) I started to write back and then realized that I was angry at him...like when someone hits me and tells me that it doesn't hurt. I guess I'm angry because I was honest for the most part, I didn't try to keep it a secret from him, I just didn't think to tell him.
Does that make any sense? So I am curious and will be asking him what he means, or what did he hear (if only I could figure out what he was referring to not having heard the way I described it, then I would have an easier time knowing what exactly to say). He'll say it doesn't matter, I'll say it does, and then if he doesn't tell me I'll stop talking to him. This isn't a plan I just came up with, this is experience....because I'm that rotten person I was telling you about. But if he's going to bring it up then it did matter, to him at least, and so I should have a chance to defend myself, not that I care what he thinks of me or my actions.
Maybe that's the real root of my frustration, I honestly don't care, but I feel so confrontational! I think I have just had a hankering to have it out with this guy, and I'm not even sure why. Maybe it's the little things he says like this, his neediness, his paranoia that I am angry at him if I don't respond within 24 hours, the way he gets upset at me if I don't talk to him when I see him, the way he tries to make me feel bad for what I have done or not done! I don't like when people get clingy, and that's kind of what he is doing. Man! I don't even know if I'm making any sense right now because that's what happens when I get upset and want to beat someone up...well, that's what happens to me all the time whether or not I want to beat the crap out of someone. I just need to let it go, but I know I won't, because deep down I want to burn a bridge or something, though I also know that wouldn't be a good idea because I am going to be seeing this guy around at basketball games and when the boys and I start playing on Thursday nights again. *Deep Breaths*

To distract me let's talk about good stuff.

Yesterday was ward conference. It was sad a little at first because 5 minutes after the hour the members of the ward were outnumbered by the members of the stake, and there weren't a whole lot of them there. We just seemed to be having a lot of people taking vacation from church yesterday. The talks were good, though to be honest at this point I can't really remember it. It was of course sprinkled with dating stuff here and there, but it wasn't the overall message (thank goodness because I had already had my fill of that for the weekend, one girl went off on guys near the end of the Mondo-Mania and I had to get up and leave because I realized that somehow I was listening to the same conversation that I have heard countless times since I graduated college and joined the singles ward).
At the end the Stake President told us that the ward would be moving to Monument. Shocked!! I mean, there have been rumors for years now that we would be moving there, especially when Tuckahoe dissolved and only one ward was using that building. We maintain the current stake we are in, because as he said, "He couldn't bare to let us go" or something along those lines which actually made me feel good because sometimes I feel like the singles are a ward that people are trying to pass off on each other. So...it's all just pretty exciting. I couldn't be fully excited because Charmer's sister was sitting next to me and she lives a few miles from the building we currently meet at and she will now begin to experience Sundays the way I have for over two years. I don't feel like she should have to, but at the same time, I have...does that makes sense? P.S. Charmer's sister needs her own name because she's going to probably be one of my B.F.F.s she's so awesome. (Got it! Lulu) Anyway.
Second hour the Stake Presidency spoke to us and the Relief Society stake presidency spoke to the guys (I would just love to know what they talked about). It was pretty good and President Witt told us how about when they talk to the guys they tell them to stop seeking perfection because no one is perfect. He also said that if you want something you have to be that something. So he challenged us to work on either stopping something we shouldn't be doing, or beginning to do something that we should be. I felt good about that, mostly because for once in my life I was a few steps ahead. Because of my resolutions I had already been working on doing things that I hadn't been doing before, and because of conference last fall I was working on stopping things I shouldn't be doing. I have a long, long way to go and its difficult every time, but I am trying. Lets just pretend I didn't vent up at the top there and we're doing good!