Chapter 117: Angel Clare

So, I had a really good date with B2. Don’t tell anyone, but I think I really like him. There were a few highlights from our date that I wanted to share.
The first being, that when we went to play Frisbee golf he didn’t make me play against him, but rather with him. We played off each others throws, which if I don’t stop and think about it I think it’s the way it’s supposed to be played. But it’s not. I went to throw the first time and I told him to close his eyes, me throwing a Frisbee could not possibly be my most flattering pose and also because I wouldn’t really feel comfortable throwing it if he were watching me. But he wouldn’t close his eyes, and my first throw sucked. Granted I didn’t think I would magically be able to throw a Frisbee, but, whatever. So apparently I have this bad habit, I know that I do it somewhat while bowling, but I didn’t realize that I was doing it every time I threw the Frisbee. I would throw and then take a step back, I don’t know why I do it, but in bowling it’s because I turn around before the ball hits the pins and go to my seat. I don’t want to see how bad it is. So B2 came to stand behind me once (this being after he had hit my Frisbee as I threw it, a little something I like to call cheating) so I pushed against his chest and told him to stand back. He said he wasn’t going to hit it again so I went ahead and turned forward again to throw the Frisbee. Then, true to form, I backed up the second the Frisbee left my hand and I bumped into B2. He just laughed and that’s when it hit me that I might do that a lot. So the next time he got ready to stand behind me and I told him that I wouldn’t back up this time, I promised. So he said ok and step aside. I threw the Frisbee and stepped back without even thinking about it, I honestly thought I would keep my word but it was just habit I suppose, so of course he didn’t believe me and I backed up into him. My reaction, “You didn’t believe me?” granted he shouldn’t have, but I tried to act hurt, and then I explained that I was just rocking back on my feet, yeah, I tried to justify the action.
We had to quit half way through because the sun was going down, so we walked back to the car and tried to throw our Frisbees in through the small opening the trunk created when it popped up. I missed (big surprise) three times.
On the way to the restaurant for dinner B2 switched lanes and apparently cut off an old couple, which neither of us realized and I think maybe they just wanted into the lane, but hadn’t yet been in the lane, but you know how possessive old people can be (really?). So they laid on their horn as they passed and the little old lady in the front seat with a purple shirt glared at Jordan. I joked with him that they old people flicked him off and he told me I was guilty by association. I told him I threw my hands up to the lady and that if somehow they caught us I would sacrifice him, I’m just the passenger here. Cold, I know.
Then we went out to dinner. I felt bad because B2 was asking a lot of questions and my brain wasn’t working quickly enough for me to ask questions of him. So, just to insert here, though everyone who actually reads this probably already knows, B2 is missing his front teeth. I finally asked him about that since he has to take out his retainer-like false teeth to eat. I had never asked before, don’t know why, I suppose it never came up in conversation, and who starts off a conversation with, “So what happened to you teeth?” So when he said something about them I asked - my one original question for the evening. When the waitress came to see if we wanted coffee or dessert B2 said that we were okay, and when she was just out of ear shot he said, “We’re going to go make ‘out’ later”. Before we got the check though I noticed the older couple sitting at the table next to us, but they were outside because they just left and B2 said they may have been the mean old couple from earlier. I just laughed, but the lady did have a purple shirt on.
Then we came back to my house to make ‘out’. It was so funny! He obviously doesn’t make cookies often, but I was biting my tongue, not to make any of the smart-ass remarks that get me in trouble with people. I was trying to be nice. But I couldn’t help laugh, so I laughed but kept most of the words to myself. Such as when he grabbed a rubber spatula to “cream” the sugars and butter, that spatula wasn’t going to be able to do the trick, and he just seemed so proud of himself when he turned around with it in his hand that I couldn’t help but laugh. I gave him the beaters instead, that did the job. Then when we were balling up the dough and putting them on the cookie sheet I started to laugh and he told me he was going to tell everyone that I laughed at him while we were making out. I told him the dough balls he was making were pretty big so he started to make them smaller, which got me laughing more because there were so many chocolate chips in the recipe that sometimes it just looked like balls of chocolate magically held together. He laughed too though so I wasn’t just being some bully. After we filled every cookie sheet with dough he kept balling it up. So I got a serving tray to put them on. There was a lot of dough and I didn’t want him to think that he had to make it all with me so I told him we could refrigerate the dough and I could make the rest later. He was like, “I didn’t know we could do that!” But he seemed very much in awe, so of course, I laughed again, he’s so cute. So he said we could do that so I went to wash my hands and then he changed his mind and said we could just do it all then. I think maybe he thought I meant we would make the rest later that night and just wanted to get it over with. So I told him that would be fine and then said I was going to tell everyone that he made me wash my hands in the middle of making out, like some germ-a-phobic. Then while the cookies were baking we let my dog in and at first he growled at B2 but then they seemed to be best friends suddenly. I couldn’t get my dog to pay any attention to me until I acting like I was leaving. Then B2 kept trying to get my dog to pay attention to him, but he wouldn’t and I informed B2 that that was how my dog worked, use you and lose you. I asked him what it was like to be played by a dog. Then I did something most embarrassing, I showed him one of my favorite things to do with my dog, which involved me on my knees smacking my open palm towards my dog’s mouth. He seems to like it because he always comes back for more, but suddenly I realized it could just look like abuse, so I kept trying to say that I was pretty sure he liked it, but wouldn’t be surprised if B2 called the SPCA or someone on me the next morning.
He left a little after midnight, and I was very happy, but also feeling more alone than ever. I think there is something wrong with me, something that you probably have noticed how I beat myself up and am too hard on myself. I started to analyze the night and see what I did wrong, and then I kept thinking that I really liked him, but would probably never get another date with him because that’s what experience has taught me. It’s always the guys I’m not interested in who keep calling, and the ones I want to ask me out never do.
Then Sunday I saw him before church and we talked for a bit, I gave him one of my books we had talked about on Friday because he was saying that he had wanted to read it and I told him I had it, so I let him borrow it. Then he came over Sunday evening to play games. There was a bio-break when everyone who needed to go to the bathroom went before the next game started. B2 and I were sitting in the kitchen with the light off, it wasn’t that we were trying to set the mood it was just that the dining room light was on and we were leaning against the counter right near the dining room so we didn’t see the point. I forget what I said to him, but I said something and his response was, “You make me feel this big,” and he used his fingers to demonstrate just how small. I apologized and gave him a compliment to try and rectify the situation. So, then we started talking game strategy, pretty much we intended to cheat, we were going to secretly work together to beat the other two people playing. I heard the toilet flush and Bull was coming into the kitchen so as she was stepping into the doorway I quickly moved away from B2, she gave us both a funny look and then I returned to my spot by B2 and said, “Now she thinks we were up to something else.” Then B2 tells Bull as she is getting a drink of water that we made out on the counter, I pointed to the counter across the room and said, “and over on that counter too right?” and he agreed. Bull gave us an even more scrutinizing look and then said, “Did you make out on the dryer too?” and I was like, “gross, no we kept it to the kitchen.” In retrospect though we never did tell her exactly what ‘out’ is. That’s okay.
I won the last game, with special thanks to B2 who was a very generous trader when I needed things. Then he left after we finished playing games. So SL-HB, Bull, Petunia, and I were sitting in the living room talking for about 10 minutes and then B2 comes bursting through the door and has a big toothless grin and says, “Guess what I forgot!?” and I’m an airhead and said, “Your keys?” Yeah, I honestly thought that’s what it was. Everyone laughed and I realized I was wrong and may have said, “Oh” because something tipped SL-HB off to the fact that I had been serious, so she says, “Oh seriously?” and I got all defensive, “Well?” so then B2 started to joke around about how long he sat in his car not going anywhere because he didn’t have his keys (in case you’re anything like me, he left his teeth, but smarter people figured that out sooner).
So that was the last I have seen or heard from him. I know deep down this is normal, normal pace and everything, but there’s part of me that keeps saying, “He’ll never ask you out because you tricked him into going out with you last time and he’s not interested, and even if he were he’s not now.” In fact that little demon voice in the back of my mind keeps asking me why anyone would be attracted to me, much less want to date me. I know that Diva and Ducky will say that I am too hard on myself and they’ll tell me not to be as though being told makes it somehow easier to ease up on yourself. I’d hate to make another movie reference especially one used in a completely different situation, but I feel like Tess again, but this time because she doesn’t think anyone could ever love her. And B2 is definitely Angel, the guy that she really likes, but doesn’t think she deserves. It was so much easier just not liking anyone.