Chapter 114: Tess

I wrote in my other blog, but I don’t expect you to keep up with both. So real quick recap, last night I danced the waltz. Kermie, named so for that fact that sometimes when I close my eyes while he is talking I can picture a Muppet, was teaching us all dance moves. He started this last week, which I didn’t keep up with because let’s face it, I can’t dance. Then they informed us that they will continue with lessons every week after FHE for anyone who would be interested in continuing to learn. I had driven a long way for FHE last night, got lost once, and then finally found the building. I didn’t care what we were doing; I was going to be one of the last ones to leave so I could make good use of the gasoline and time that was spent to get there. Pretty much I was determined for the evening not to be a bust, because if it were then I’d be really upset about all the traveling to get there. So the small group went into the gym, I said something about sitting on the stage and Kermie told me that I was going to dance. I guess he likes a challenge because I can’t dance, I think that Ducky and Diva can attest to that (by the way Diva, welcome back from vacation! …Wo, is that my first blog shout out?) anyway. So he first taught me a little country dance, easy enough until he made me spin, which made me feel like a idiot, which made me want to stop. But then we moved on to the waltz and I told him I couldn’t do it, that I wouldn’t do it. Now there were four girls and two boys who stayed after to dance so I figured I would be fine sitting on the stage because the other two girls wanted to dance, I just wanted to be near people. So at first all four of us (because the other guy and girl were practicing) relearned the basic steps, I complained about how we learned these last time the same way and then we paired up and the girls had to start backwards, so we started the way the girl would, guess what? It’s just the started out that’s different, after that it’s all the same…I think I could have walked around with a post-it note stating “Idiot” on my forehead and possibly felt less stupid than I did just then. But Kermie and the other girls just laughed and then Kermie got me so I could practice actually dancing with a person who would make sure that I didn’t bump into people (because I kept bumping into the other girls as I tried to watch Kermie’s feet). It was kind of nice, though I didn’t really enjoy it because I stared at his feet most of the time, and if I wasn’t staring at his feet I was closing my eyes hoping I wouldn’t trip him up. My problem with things like this is I think about them too much, and I mess up, so closing my eyes was the closing I came to letting go and just letting him lead me. I wonder if I could ever dance with my eyes open or staring at my partner instead. We’ll see, yes, this means I think I will keep trying.
Oh the whole reason I wrote this here rather than the other blog. Have you ever seen “Tess of the D’Urbervilles”? If not, very good movie, massively depressing. Well there is this part where these three girls have to cross a flooded road to get to church and here comes Angel, that’s his name, and he’s like, “Oh ladies, let me help you, I’ll carry you across.” Now every single girl is in love with him, but Tess (who may have been depressed) doesn’t think that she deserves to be loved. So he carries the first two girls across who are all smiles and giggles, and in complete heaven just having physical contact with him, and then Tess is saved for last and she tries to climb around the flooded road (no good by the way) so Angel keeps saying, “let me help you,” so finally he takes her into his arms and is carrying her and he’s talking to her (which he didn’t really talk to the other two) and he’s getting serious with her and then they both look up to see the other two girls staring, trying not to show how much they hurt at that moment. Now that I had to explain myself I may have to back read my own blog to figure out where I was going. Ok, so here it is, Kermit is Angel in this scenario. There are three girls without a dance partner, and Kermit comes and pulls me out of the crowd, now I am by no means Tess in the sense of the three girls all being in love with him, in fact just one of them is. But it felt a little awkward as I was dancing with Kermit and laughing because he was making me laugh, when I remembered that one of the girls standing by the stage has a huge crush on him, and it made me think to that scene in Tess of the D’Urbervilles. I just wanted to share that, but after having to share all the background story I think things may be insinuated or left out, or whatever. Kind of like with Melter; yeah, I felt my heart melt, but again, it doesn’t mean I’m in love, or even like. So Ducky…there is no reason to give you his real life name, because it was a moment, one that passed quickly, but it was a first, and that’s the only reason I wrote about it.