Chapter 117: Angel Clare

So, I had a really good date with B2. Don’t tell anyone, but I think I really like him. There were a few highlights from our date that I wanted to share.
The first being, that when we went to play Frisbee golf he didn’t make me play against him, but rather with him. We played off each others throws, which if I don’t stop and think about it I think it’s the way it’s supposed to be played. But it’s not. I went to throw the first time and I told him to close his eyes, me throwing a Frisbee could not possibly be my most flattering pose and also because I wouldn’t really feel comfortable throwing it if he were watching me. But he wouldn’t close his eyes, and my first throw sucked. Granted I didn’t think I would magically be able to throw a Frisbee, but, whatever. So apparently I have this bad habit, I know that I do it somewhat while bowling, but I didn’t realize that I was doing it every time I threw the Frisbee. I would throw and then take a step back, I don’t know why I do it, but in bowling it’s because I turn around before the ball hits the pins and go to my seat. I don’t want to see how bad it is. So B2 came to stand behind me once (this being after he had hit my Frisbee as I threw it, a little something I like to call cheating) so I pushed against his chest and told him to stand back. He said he wasn’t going to hit it again so I went ahead and turned forward again to throw the Frisbee. Then, true to form, I backed up the second the Frisbee left my hand and I bumped into B2. He just laughed and that’s when it hit me that I might do that a lot. So the next time he got ready to stand behind me and I told him that I wouldn’t back up this time, I promised. So he said ok and step aside. I threw the Frisbee and stepped back without even thinking about it, I honestly thought I would keep my word but it was just habit I suppose, so of course he didn’t believe me and I backed up into him. My reaction, “You didn’t believe me?” granted he shouldn’t have, but I tried to act hurt, and then I explained that I was just rocking back on my feet, yeah, I tried to justify the action.
We had to quit half way through because the sun was going down, so we walked back to the car and tried to throw our Frisbees in through the small opening the trunk created when it popped up. I missed (big surprise) three times.
On the way to the restaurant for dinner B2 switched lanes and apparently cut off an old couple, which neither of us realized and I think maybe they just wanted into the lane, but hadn’t yet been in the lane, but you know how possessive old people can be (really?). So they laid on their horn as they passed and the little old lady in the front seat with a purple shirt glared at Jordan. I joked with him that they old people flicked him off and he told me I was guilty by association. I told him I threw my hands up to the lady and that if somehow they caught us I would sacrifice him, I’m just the passenger here. Cold, I know.
Then we went out to dinner. I felt bad because B2 was asking a lot of questions and my brain wasn’t working quickly enough for me to ask questions of him. So, just to insert here, though everyone who actually reads this probably already knows, B2 is missing his front teeth. I finally asked him about that since he has to take out his retainer-like false teeth to eat. I had never asked before, don’t know why, I suppose it never came up in conversation, and who starts off a conversation with, “So what happened to you teeth?” So when he said something about them I asked - my one original question for the evening. When the waitress came to see if we wanted coffee or dessert B2 said that we were okay, and when she was just out of ear shot he said, “We’re going to go make ‘out’ later”. Before we got the check though I noticed the older couple sitting at the table next to us, but they were outside because they just left and B2 said they may have been the mean old couple from earlier. I just laughed, but the lady did have a purple shirt on.
Then we came back to my house to make ‘out’. It was so funny! He obviously doesn’t make cookies often, but I was biting my tongue, not to make any of the smart-ass remarks that get me in trouble with people. I was trying to be nice. But I couldn’t help laugh, so I laughed but kept most of the words to myself. Such as when he grabbed a rubber spatula to “cream” the sugars and butter, that spatula wasn’t going to be able to do the trick, and he just seemed so proud of himself when he turned around with it in his hand that I couldn’t help but laugh. I gave him the beaters instead, that did the job. Then when we were balling up the dough and putting them on the cookie sheet I started to laugh and he told me he was going to tell everyone that I laughed at him while we were making out. I told him the dough balls he was making were pretty big so he started to make them smaller, which got me laughing more because there were so many chocolate chips in the recipe that sometimes it just looked like balls of chocolate magically held together. He laughed too though so I wasn’t just being some bully. After we filled every cookie sheet with dough he kept balling it up. So I got a serving tray to put them on. There was a lot of dough and I didn’t want him to think that he had to make it all with me so I told him we could refrigerate the dough and I could make the rest later. He was like, “I didn’t know we could do that!” But he seemed very much in awe, so of course, I laughed again, he’s so cute. So he said we could do that so I went to wash my hands and then he changed his mind and said we could just do it all then. I think maybe he thought I meant we would make the rest later that night and just wanted to get it over with. So I told him that would be fine and then said I was going to tell everyone that he made me wash my hands in the middle of making out, like some germ-a-phobic. Then while the cookies were baking we let my dog in and at first he growled at B2 but then they seemed to be best friends suddenly. I couldn’t get my dog to pay any attention to me until I acting like I was leaving. Then B2 kept trying to get my dog to pay attention to him, but he wouldn’t and I informed B2 that that was how my dog worked, use you and lose you. I asked him what it was like to be played by a dog. Then I did something most embarrassing, I showed him one of my favorite things to do with my dog, which involved me on my knees smacking my open palm towards my dog’s mouth. He seems to like it because he always comes back for more, but suddenly I realized it could just look like abuse, so I kept trying to say that I was pretty sure he liked it, but wouldn’t be surprised if B2 called the SPCA or someone on me the next morning.
He left a little after midnight, and I was very happy, but also feeling more alone than ever. I think there is something wrong with me, something that you probably have noticed how I beat myself up and am too hard on myself. I started to analyze the night and see what I did wrong, and then I kept thinking that I really liked him, but would probably never get another date with him because that’s what experience has taught me. It’s always the guys I’m not interested in who keep calling, and the ones I want to ask me out never do.
Then Sunday I saw him before church and we talked for a bit, I gave him one of my books we had talked about on Friday because he was saying that he had wanted to read it and I told him I had it, so I let him borrow it. Then he came over Sunday evening to play games. There was a bio-break when everyone who needed to go to the bathroom went before the next game started. B2 and I were sitting in the kitchen with the light off, it wasn’t that we were trying to set the mood it was just that the dining room light was on and we were leaning against the counter right near the dining room so we didn’t see the point. I forget what I said to him, but I said something and his response was, “You make me feel this big,” and he used his fingers to demonstrate just how small. I apologized and gave him a compliment to try and rectify the situation. So, then we started talking game strategy, pretty much we intended to cheat, we were going to secretly work together to beat the other two people playing. I heard the toilet flush and Bull was coming into the kitchen so as she was stepping into the doorway I quickly moved away from B2, she gave us both a funny look and then I returned to my spot by B2 and said, “Now she thinks we were up to something else.” Then B2 tells Bull as she is getting a drink of water that we made out on the counter, I pointed to the counter across the room and said, “and over on that counter too right?” and he agreed. Bull gave us an even more scrutinizing look and then said, “Did you make out on the dryer too?” and I was like, “gross, no we kept it to the kitchen.” In retrospect though we never did tell her exactly what ‘out’ is. That’s okay.
I won the last game, with special thanks to B2 who was a very generous trader when I needed things. Then he left after we finished playing games. So SL-HB, Bull, Petunia, and I were sitting in the living room talking for about 10 minutes and then B2 comes bursting through the door and has a big toothless grin and says, “Guess what I forgot!?” and I’m an airhead and said, “Your keys?” Yeah, I honestly thought that’s what it was. Everyone laughed and I realized I was wrong and may have said, “Oh” because something tipped SL-HB off to the fact that I had been serious, so she says, “Oh seriously?” and I got all defensive, “Well?” so then B2 started to joke around about how long he sat in his car not going anywhere because he didn’t have his keys (in case you’re anything like me, he left his teeth, but smarter people figured that out sooner).
So that was the last I have seen or heard from him. I know deep down this is normal, normal pace and everything, but there’s part of me that keeps saying, “He’ll never ask you out because you tricked him into going out with you last time and he’s not interested, and even if he were he’s not now.” In fact that little demon voice in the back of my mind keeps asking me why anyone would be attracted to me, much less want to date me. I know that Diva and Ducky will say that I am too hard on myself and they’ll tell me not to be as though being told makes it somehow easier to ease up on yourself. I’d hate to make another movie reference especially one used in a completely different situation, but I feel like Tess again, but this time because she doesn’t think anyone could ever love her. And B2 is definitely Angel, the guy that she really likes, but doesn’t think she deserves. It was so much easier just not liking anyone.

Chapter 116: Solo Driving

So last night Newbie and I went to a soiree for a friend’s birthday. Newbie drove, which is good because I wanted her to drive because first – she knew where she was going and secondly – because I had already driven to south side twice this week. The get together was good, mostly because Newbie and I were hardly together. I enjoyed hanging out with my “fan club” as my one friend called it and just getting to spend time with other people.
Newbie had told me when we left that she wanted to leave at 9 to get home and get ready for bed because she was tired. I told her that was fine, because honestly it seemed like it would be plenty of time and it was a Tuesday, people start to leave things early on weekdays. So 9:05 arrives and I didn’t realize what time it was and the girls were going to watch bloopers from the movie that they made and I was all excited because my favorite thing in the whole world (almost) is watching movie bloopers, especially when I know the people. So Newbie comes in and says, “Alright it’s 9 let’s go” and I was a little disappointed, I may have said, “oh,” in a whining tone, not actually sure if I did or not. I was standing next to my friend Petunia (for those of you who know her “middle name” then you already know who this is) and Newbie was in the kitchen as Petunia and I were in the doorway. Newbie, without looking at me gets an attitude in her voice, “I told you I wanted to leave at 9 and it’s already 5 minutes past.” So I get an equal attitude in my voice and say, “Fine,” and she says, “I’m just kidding” and finally looks at me and tries to smile and without a smile I say, “I couldn’t tell.” I didn’t feel it warranted a smile; no one treats me like a child and gets away with it.
So I turn to Petunia and say, “Can I get a ride home?”
And she says, “Yeah,”
And then I said, “I mean, can I get a ride home with you?”
She laughed and said she could, but then I felt bad, my house is a little out of the way for her, she kept telling me it wasn’t, but in the end I decided to just ride home with slut-faced ho-bag, err, I mean Newbie….wait, we may have come across a new name here, let’s see, what do you think of SF-HB? Test the waters with that one.
Then SF-HB says, “If they are just watching one or two we can stay, but I told you before,” blah, blah, blah, because that’s about when I stopped listening. I told her it was fine, I didn’t care anymore.
So I said goodbye to the birthday girl and then my other friend (who needs a name…I say that a lot huh?) she said that she was so excited that I came to south side twice in one week and I told her if we count Sunday as the beginning of the week it’s been three times. So that made her really happy.
Then SF-HB and I walked out to the car, I got in and suddenly I was in the car with MM! She just kept going! On and on about her great conversations with people that evening. I've begun to hate the way she tells stories, I used to like it, but not anymore. And another thing, Diva is right, she's got to cut the apron strings, there isn't one conversation (included a recap of last night) where she didn't mention talking to her mom. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her because I was more than slightly pissed off about the attitude she gave me (and in front of people, like I’m in a freaking abusive relationship). So I sat in the car and tried to hide the fact that she really made me mad but I’m not sure how well I masked it, I could tell I wasn’t doing well, I couldn’t tell how much she cared to notice.
Then we get home and I go upstairs to see Diva because I’ve missed her and I’m talking to her about her sunburn (poor thing) and here comes SF-HB (pronounced Sef-Hub) with her, “What’s going on?” attitude she has when she’s extremely nosey. I just wanted to have an A-B conversation with Diva. But, whatever.

So, this morning Petunia e-mails me and asks, “So was SF-HB PMSing last night?” At least I wasn’t the only one who noticed the not so pleasant attitude she took with me.
I think I have decided that I will no longer carpool with SF-HB, when she drives she acts like a controlling mother, and when I drive she ends up getting me to leave before I am ready. I don’t care how high gas prices soar, and I don’t care if we are headed to the same place, I don’t like being on someone else’s timetable. Pretty much, SF-HB is on her own from now on.

Chapter 115: Holy Crap - what happened to my legs?

So I think I asked Bachelor #2 out today. This is what happens when I get bored at work. Last night we made smoothies and B2 made a milkshake and we found out later that the milk carton had been drunken out of by B1 earlier that evening. We found this out as Agent L took a big swig and someone said it aloud and Agent L pretty much threw up; Milk spewing into the trash can and the sink. Then B2 asked this other girl and me what we would do if we were drinking milk and someone informed us that B1 had drunken out of it. I asked him what he would do and he said he would wipe off the lid and keep drinking, and then he told me that he had used that milk to make his milkshake, but he hadn’t known at the time. So then later on, way after B2 had left one of my friends who stood with B2 as he made his milkshake with chocolate syrup threw out the remaining syrup saying, “we certainly don’t want that,” and I asked why and she said that she saw some guy sucking syrup out of it earlier. I said, “Before or after B2 was making his milkshake?” Since I knew that she stood and talked to B2 as he made his. She said, “Before” with a sheepish grin. I couldn’t believe that she did that. So today, in my mist of surfing Facebook while I waited for my boss to open her office door I decided to e-mail him. Here’s what I said,
“So I found out from a little bird that you may have vicariously made out with more than one boy...Someone spotted a guy sucking down chocolate syrup and it may or may not have been confirmed that it was before you used some. But I'm sure if you had known you would have just wiped off the top and kept going :)So I'm thinking I should make Out on Friday since I've never actually done it before and I should probably know what I'm dealing with since I think maybe you would like to make Out sometime. What do you think?”
Oh, by the way, I should interject that “Out” is a recipe for cookies that my old FHE brother gave me and B2 and I always joke around about it. Also it’s fun because we like to talk about it in front of other people cause they don’t know we’re talking about cookies.
So anyway, I send the e-mail thinking I’m pretty clever. Then tonight I’m on the internet and see that I got a new message from B2. It says: “Heck yeah Im in. You wanna go to dinner first and make a date out of it? Perhaps a little frisbee golf for an activity?”
Uh…I was just wondering if I should make the cookies because I honestly never have before. I have no clue what they taste like, or how they are supposed to turn out. So I’m sitting here in my room wondering if I just signed up for a date on Friday night with B2 or if we are just joking around some more. So I write back, “Sounds good to me, I've never played frisbee golf before.” And then he wrote back not too long later saying, “sweet, okay then, pick you up at sev3n?” and he spelled seven like that with the 3. I haven’t written back, but I figure I will as soon as I post this. Somehow I just got myself a date for Friday night.

Chapter 114: Tess

I wrote in my other blog, but I don’t expect you to keep up with both. So real quick recap, last night I danced the waltz. Kermie, named so for that fact that sometimes when I close my eyes while he is talking I can picture a Muppet, was teaching us all dance moves. He started this last week, which I didn’t keep up with because let’s face it, I can’t dance. Then they informed us that they will continue with lessons every week after FHE for anyone who would be interested in continuing to learn. I had driven a long way for FHE last night, got lost once, and then finally found the building. I didn’t care what we were doing; I was going to be one of the last ones to leave so I could make good use of the gasoline and time that was spent to get there. Pretty much I was determined for the evening not to be a bust, because if it were then I’d be really upset about all the traveling to get there. So the small group went into the gym, I said something about sitting on the stage and Kermie told me that I was going to dance. I guess he likes a challenge because I can’t dance, I think that Ducky and Diva can attest to that (by the way Diva, welcome back from vacation! …Wo, is that my first blog shout out?) anyway. So he first taught me a little country dance, easy enough until he made me spin, which made me feel like a idiot, which made me want to stop. But then we moved on to the waltz and I told him I couldn’t do it, that I wouldn’t do it. Now there were four girls and two boys who stayed after to dance so I figured I would be fine sitting on the stage because the other two girls wanted to dance, I just wanted to be near people. So at first all four of us (because the other guy and girl were practicing) relearned the basic steps, I complained about how we learned these last time the same way and then we paired up and the girls had to start backwards, so we started the way the girl would, guess what? It’s just the started out that’s different, after that it’s all the same…I think I could have walked around with a post-it note stating “Idiot” on my forehead and possibly felt less stupid than I did just then. But Kermie and the other girls just laughed and then Kermie got me so I could practice actually dancing with a person who would make sure that I didn’t bump into people (because I kept bumping into the other girls as I tried to watch Kermie’s feet). It was kind of nice, though I didn’t really enjoy it because I stared at his feet most of the time, and if I wasn’t staring at his feet I was closing my eyes hoping I wouldn’t trip him up. My problem with things like this is I think about them too much, and I mess up, so closing my eyes was the closing I came to letting go and just letting him lead me. I wonder if I could ever dance with my eyes open or staring at my partner instead. We’ll see, yes, this means I think I will keep trying.
Oh the whole reason I wrote this here rather than the other blog. Have you ever seen “Tess of the D’Urbervilles”? If not, very good movie, massively depressing. Well there is this part where these three girls have to cross a flooded road to get to church and here comes Angel, that’s his name, and he’s like, “Oh ladies, let me help you, I’ll carry you across.” Now every single girl is in love with him, but Tess (who may have been depressed) doesn’t think that she deserves to be loved. So he carries the first two girls across who are all smiles and giggles, and in complete heaven just having physical contact with him, and then Tess is saved for last and she tries to climb around the flooded road (no good by the way) so Angel keeps saying, “let me help you,” so finally he takes her into his arms and is carrying her and he’s talking to her (which he didn’t really talk to the other two) and he’s getting serious with her and then they both look up to see the other two girls staring, trying not to show how much they hurt at that moment. Now that I had to explain myself I may have to back read my own blog to figure out where I was going. Ok, so here it is, Kermit is Angel in this scenario. There are three girls without a dance partner, and Kermit comes and pulls me out of the crowd, now I am by no means Tess in the sense of the three girls all being in love with him, in fact just one of them is. But it felt a little awkward as I was dancing with Kermit and laughing because he was making me laugh, when I remembered that one of the girls standing by the stage has a huge crush on him, and it made me think to that scene in Tess of the D’Urbervilles. I just wanted to share that, but after having to share all the background story I think things may be insinuated or left out, or whatever. Kind of like with Melter; yeah, I felt my heart melt, but again, it doesn’t mean I’m in love, or even like. So Ducky…there is no reason to give you his real life name, because it was a moment, one that passed quickly, but it was a first, and that’s the only reason I wrote about it.

Chapter 113: I'll stop the world and melt with you

So, all my life I've heard people talk about “melting”. I’m not talking about chocolate melting over heat or anything like that, but the “romantic” melting. “I’ll stop the world and melt with you,” “he made me melt,” etc. I think you get the idea because I think you’ve heard of it too. However, I’ve never had the “melting” sensation. It’s a nice phrase to say I suppose but can you really melt?
Well, this past Saturday - I melted. I didn’t realize what happened until I removed myself from the situation, having never melted before I didn’t realize that the funny feeling that made me want to slide from my chair to the floor and made my lips tug into a smile was melting. It’s an actual oozing feeling in your chest cavity, I can see now why so many people compare it to melting.
Melting does not equal love so don’t get your panties in a twist, I can melt but still survive. Of course now you would probably like the details of my first melting experience.
Details of my first melting experience:
So I was at a friend’s party Saturday night. Friend who will soon be roommate but I can’t remember the nickname I gave her. She usually has little movie parties and I love going to them, I always have a good time. This particular movie party was smaller than the rest, I think the summer weather has upped the lame intensity in the regular party goers who decide that bowling with the boys is more fun then hanging with the girls. Not going to go off on that. However, even though the numbers were small it was more the atmosphere I preferred, I talked to every single person there, I made two or three new friends, people who have always been there, but I’ve never talked to. One of those individuals was Heart-Melter - as he shall be called. I was talking to new roommate and another friend, who doesn’t have a nickname and is moving so won’t be getting one and Heart-Melter came over to sit with us. I was joking around with my friends about something and then as I was talking I looked at Heart-Melter who had this strange smiley look on his face and he was looking at me as though what I was saying was the most fascinating thing in the world, but not intensely so, not like a student learning something very interesting for the first time, but like hearing your favorite story, with a touch of fondness in the eye. So I had that strange sliding, melting feeling and tried to keep my cool as I was talking. He gave me the look again later, and I wasn’t sure if that is his normal expression or if he thought my stories were the best ever, because I haven’t really looked at this person much mostly because I was too nervous to make eye contact. I almost felt like telling him he shouldn’t look at people like that because it was too attractive. It really was attractive and I think I’ve become addicted to the melting sensation.
So Sunday at church I was looking for some people because we had a meeting and I needed it to get started so I could leave. Melter was sitting in the foyer with his friend and as I approached I swear he looked right at me and got this big grin on his face, I think or more so I hope that I smiled back because I don’t want him to think that I was rude and ignored his smile. But the people I was looking for suddenly showed up at that moment and I didn’t get a chance to go over and talk to him.
But anyway, that’s my story about the first time I melted.