Chapter 26: Hitting The Books

After much thought and contemplation I have decided that May 21 of this year I will be returning to school. Well, I will be taking one class at least. You’ll never guess what the class is, or under what department it is in. It’s not sociology. That’s your only hint. I have decided that I will be taking “Family Law” other wise known as “LGL 1178”. I figure it’s a good class to start with because it’s on Monday nights, and I don’t work Mondays. The class is under the “Legal Assisting (Paralegal studies)” department. Never thought I would be doing that, and no it’s not because I love all three types of “Law and Order”. I knew I wanted to go back to school, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do once I got there, so therefore, I wasn’t doing anything. I wanted to be a guidance counselor and while part of me still wants to because I love teenagers, the other part of me doesn’t think I should because I love teenagers. I don’t want to end up on the front page of the Metro section on trial for getting romantically involved with a student. I believe this defect in me is due to the fact that I was romantically stunted in high school, so for some reason I find myself not seeing some teenagers as younger people, but equals. Then I have to remind myself of my age which sadly, at the moment I can’t even remember. Part of me thinks it’s 23 and the other part thinks 24 (this internal debate has been going on for the past three days)…I didn’t think the memory loss was suppose to happen until after my 45th birthday. Oops, I’ve digressed.
Back to the fact that I may be finding myself just getting a second Bachelor’s degree instead of a Master’s or becoming the eternal student my dad warned me against becoming. I figured that I have to take things into my own hands because if I didn’t before long my mom would be filling out job and college applications; the police academy and pharmaceutical school among some of the options. I’m scared to death to take this class though, it’s not really a big deal but it’s the whole fact that if this class convinces me that maybe I can do it then I’m going to take the plunge, I’m going to once again leave my comfort zone and what if I go down in flames after I’m halfway through the program? Of course the other voice in my head (the one who knocked me into the edge of a shelf earlier today and into a trunk on Saturday) tells me that no matter what comes up I’m taking the course, if I don’t like it, so what. It’s a pretty smart voice, just self destructive at times. Besides, if I don’t like the Family Law class then next semester is a marketing course.
I think that another reason that I am scared is because let’s face it, I am always doing things that I am overqualified for, because I know I can do them. Why do I still work at my high school job? Because I know I can do it. I’m afraid to take a chance because I’m afraid of failing, I don’t ask guys out because I’m afraid they’ll say ‘no’, I just don’t take too many chance in case I won’t be able to succeed.;
I’m just tired of people trying to tell me what to do with my life, and I’m already tired of sitting around with my job waiting for something better to just magically appear, because guess what? It’s not going to magically appear (you probably already guessed that, you’re so smart). I don’t know if this is something that I want to do, but I’ll never know until I just jump right in. I have to admit though; a part of me is getting really excited about returning to school, I feel like I need to go stock up on school supplies.