Chapter 24: Flood or Famine

I have heard it said before that with guys it’s either flood or famine. Now with this in mind I go on with my story. This past Saturday night there was an activity at church. I was debating whether or not to go and I was already an hour and half late for it when I decided to call Sweet Pea while on my way to it. I talked to her for an hour. Unfortunately she finally cut me loose and told me to go to the activity. At this point the activity had turned into a dance and I decided to at least find one of my roommates so that I could prove that I showed up, and then the plan was to leave. As I walked down the hallway to the door someone came out and was dancing towards me, with their eye on me. At first, from the distance that I was, I thought it was my roommate, but then I realized that it was my friend from school (who I also grew up with). I’ll call her my therapist because that’s what I called her at school. Anyway, so my therapist comes dancing down the hall towards me. I was so excited to see her, she was living in Costa Rica but now she’s in North Carolina, so I rarely get to see her. We sat in the hallway talking for a bit and another girl came out to the hall to join us. Then this guy sees us so he walks over and starts talking to us. I will call him Agent L and the story will unfold. He starts talking to us and asks us all whether we are working or students or what, basically…what our story is. So I tell him where I work and he says that he works there too (different location though) and that I should come by and see him sometime. Then my therapist tells him that I am the funniest person that she has ever met and he says that he can see that. So he decides to go back into the “dance” and us girls talk for a bit more. We finally go in and I take my spot sitting on the stage (I’m not much of a dancer). Therapist is going at it on the dance floor, she’s good, she enjoys dancing. She comes over to take a breather and Agent L comes over noticing that we’ve made our way into the gym, he asks if we are slowly moving towards the dance floor and I told him this is where it tends to stop. Then he grabs my wrist (I have a major problem with wrist but to avoid looking like I freak I just took it and gagged silently to myself). He pulled me on to the dance floor and tried to get me to dance; he even pulled out the Hitch moves and told me where I live. It didn’t help, I always feel like an idiot on the dance floor. Sometimes, if I’m comfortable with the people that are around me I can dance. I have danced before, Oreo was there and we pulled out moves…I can’t recall Sweet Pea being there though…sorry. I just couldn’t dance then. Of course right after that the dreaded slow song came on, Therapist went and got someone to dance with and then it was just Agent L, me, and the girl who had been in the hallway with us. She started to step away, so I did too and said something like, “now’s the time we awkwardly step away from each other.” He laughed a little but I didn’t just walk away, even though I’m uncomfortable with people I’m still well aware of what is rude. Naturally we danced because if two people just stand in the middle of the dance floor during a slow song that looks weird. I warned him that I’m not good at slow dancing either and he said he’d help me out. We did the “Deacon shuffle” and if you don’t know what that is it’s probably the most awkward slow dancing two people can do. Knees and elbows locked and you just waddle back and forth. Oh I almost forgot, while we were talking in the hall Agent L said something and therapist said that he was a liar (I wish I could remember what he said) so I stuck my hand to my forehead with my fingers making the L-shape. He was a bit offended but I told him that it stood for “liar” and not for “loser”. (The Agent part of his name comes from interactions on Sunday but we must talk about one day at a time here). After the dance Agent L came up to talk to me for a bit and then I ran into another guy that I had met that previous Monday. I don’t have an interesting name for him, Right now I can’t think of what would make him stand out to me. But he was talking to another friend of mine. A bunch of us decided to go to IHOP and he asked me if I was going. The Enforcer came to IHOP too and we got to sit together. To let you in on a little secret I have a little bit of a crush on The Enforcer, I’ve had one on him for a while so to be sitting next to him is pretty exciting for me. Unfortunately he is in love with a girl who relishes in the attention, but has no intention of ever being romantically involved (she’s one of those girls who all the guys want but she’s not willing to give up the attention from so many different people that she won’t settle for one of them and therefore keeps all of them…if only these guys would get a hint from the dancing analogy in A Beautiful Mind.)
Anyway, so Sunday after Sacrament both the guy from IHOP…how about I just call him IHOP? I don’t think it will get too confusing. IHOP comes up to me and we are talking and then Agent L comes up and starts talking to me too about how he’s glad to see me in the ward (because we just met at the dance but we had been in the same ward for months). I felt weird talking to both of them at the same time, I’m not sure why I felt this way but I did. Some of it may stem from the fact that I may be A.D.D. and when two different people are trying to get my attention neither one can. It’s much easier for me to hide my handicap if only one voice is going at a time. Sure enough I wasn’t able to have a substantial conversation with either one. We moved on to Sunday school, the first time that I’ve really gone to Sunday school in a long time. I saw Agent L across the room so I kept hoping he would look over so I could do the L-sign at him but he didn’t. After Sunday school though he was walking past and we made eye contact and I threw my hand up to give the signal. He pretended like I threw a dagger at him and it hit him in the heart. Jelly Bean only saw bits and pieces of this interaction and was left completely confused. Before Relief Society started though I was talking to Jelly Bean and I happened to catch Agent L leaning in the doorway of the room and he ever so quickly made the L-shape on his forehead and disappeared. I almost didn’t catch it, I happened to look over at the exact second he was doing it and I don’t think he was even going to attempt to make sure I saw it, just get it out there and see if it worked I guess. So I got up quickly and went out and told him that he may think he was clever and stealthy but I saw him! I came back and sat down and IHOP was in the row behind me talking to this girl that we both grew up with (but the two of us hadn’t met until recently). A girl got up to start the class and IHOP gets up quickly to get out and I turn around and called out to him and told him he should stay. He just smiled and got out. I don’t know why guys get so embarrassed about being in Relief Society when it first starts, they act like they just walked into the girls shower room by mistake and they have to rush out of there.
Jelly Bean called me a flirt (not just with IHOP but with Agent L), but I corrected her. I wasn’t flirty I’m just friendly, and he should have felt welcome in Relief Society. After church The Enforcer was interrogating Jelly Bean, Diva, and me because his car got pranked the night before (yeah sure it was us but we were in denial). Agent L joined our conversation shortly after and I was on the other side of the circle then him so I slowly backed up to where he was standing and talked to him without facing him like we were trying to talk without anyone noticing that we were talking. His ride came and I rejoined the main conversation. The Enforcer kills me, yes, as I have already admitted, we pranked his car, it was Jelly Bean’s idea to use pads and tampons on the cars that we pranked (there was more then just one car). I personally don’t like the use of feminine hygiene products during pranks. Anyway, so The Enforcer was going off about the “stickums” and I asked a question about that and he gets this upset look on his face and says, “Stickums…pad stickums.” He was so serious and had such a serious face while saying a word like ‘stickums’ that I busted up laughing. We ended the conversation after we were certain that he was convinced it wasn’t us who had pranked his car.