Chapter 110: Hello, Worthless. Miss me?

Title is a movie quote don't take it personally.
So it’s been a while since I’ve written…I wonder if that is how I started out last time? I don’t know if I just haven’t had anything too stressful to write about or if I just don’t care anymore. It’s probably lack of caring or lack of desire on filling people in on my personal business. I may write openly here, but it doesn’t mean I’m filling in all the details and I know it’s a shocker but there are certain aspects of my life I keep private. One such aspect is usually who I like. That’s right, I’m not always forthright about what member of the male species I have a crush on. If you think that I am going to admit who I like in this entry you should just abort the mission now.
There are reasons that I don’t tell people who I like, there are so many reasons. The main one is that usually when I admit that I like someone something happens, they get a girlfriend, they move, they dump me in their own version of Buddyland. If I have told people who I like and they come to find out that one of these things have happened then they feel bad for me, and there’s nothing worse for me then having someone put on the pity riot. Trust me, I feel bad enough for myself, I don’t need anyone’s help.
Well, recently I have had a difficult time with my crushing. I found myself thinking about a particular person a lot and I couldn’t quite figure out why I looked for them to come through the door or hoped they would be at a party. Then one day it hit me, I liked them, that was odd, usually I know like them before all that other stuff happens, not this time though which threw me off guard. So many times I felt like I had to tell someone that I liked him because that’s what people tend to do. It’s human instinct to desire to share a secret with at least one person, it builds up inside of you like carbonated in soda and you’re just shaking and feel like if you don’t tell someone you’re going to explode. Stupid feelings. Well, I resisted the urge several times, I hung up the phone a couple of times, and finally was able to steer clear of telling my secret. It’s funny though because once I’ve figured out I like a guy I can’t act like myself, and when I’m not acting like myself I’m acting like a snob. Not intentional, it’s just I sit there and think too much about how I’m supposed to act now that I know I like someone.
This particular guy of whom I was speaking earlier and whose name shall not be handed out to anyone, even those who desperately seek it, but who shall only be known as Bachelor No Go, seemed to be interested in me at one time, which only makes my behavior more unnatural. I think he flirted with me once, but I didn’t quite know what was going on and I may have extinguished any chance. Since then it’s been nothing, he’s giving his attention to a girl who knows how to respond to things and I am just trying to work things back up to how they were, but then again, maybe it’s all in my head, which it very easily could be.
Recently I was at a movie party Dino-girl’s I call her Dino-girl because she’ll need a name and she likes the movie Jurassic Park. I ended up sitting next to Bachelor #2 on his request, with Bachelor #1 in front of my legs (tight room for a movie party). I didn’t mind sitting next to Bachelor #2, but I did mind that Bachelor #1 couldn’t stop moving and every time he moved he bumped into or sat on my legs and on more than one occasion my knee cap was in his arm pit (the epitome of disgusting). Now as many of you know Bachelor #2 is a bit of a flirt, I accuse him of having the rare ability of flirting with two girls at once without making either upset. Most of that could be due to the fact that we don’t take him seriously. Anyway, I recently came to find out that Dino-girl likes Bachelor #2, not difficult to see, he’s very charming. But sometimes I wish that girls didn’t share that information, I didn’t press her for it, she just told me, obviously suffering from the same carbonated drink syndrome (CDS) that I have suffered from before.
Well, me sitting next to him during the movie didn’t make her all too happy and I almost felt like tell her that her sitting next to Bachelor No Go during the movie evened out the playing field, but that would involve admitting that I liked Bachelor No Go, which I refuse to do when his real name is involved. Anyway, so movie is playing and Bachelor #2 puts his arm around me, which is normal behavior from him, I jokingly scoot in to cuddle better, because this is the way we are. I did happen to notice that he didn’t have his arms around both girls sitting on the couch with him which goes against predictable behavior, but I chalked it up to the fact that he doesn’t really know that girl, when you don’t really know someone and they don’t really know you it’s best to keep your hands and arms to yourself…I’ve said this before actually, a long, long time ago. Bachelor #2 had a blanket and a pillow and he hands them to me to put on the floor next to me (the room is warm with all those people in it) so later when Bachelor #1 takes the blanket off of him and it ends op on Bachelor #2’s knee I jokingly pull it up to his waist since I know that he didn’t want a blanket, he looks at me and I smile and pull the blanket off because apparently the joke is lost. I try to explain it and then he tells me the blanket has been there almost the whole night. Really? To which he said, “Seriously? That’s the first time you’ve looked at my lap?” I said, “Well, yeah,” why would I look at his lap? He said he was hurt and I did an obvious lie and said that I looked at his lap all the time.
The weirdest part for me, it wasn’t the looking at his lap ordeal as you might think, was when he had his left hand tucked under his right arm and he rubbed my side…what is that? I didn’t know how to react so I didn’t, and he asked if I was ticklish, I said I suppose not, but then he hit a spot where I was and I said, “except for there”. He kept doing that for a little bit though and I’m still to this day trying to figure out why. So after the movie everyone gets up, we all go to socialize, eat, etc. I got caught in a conversation with Mr. Collins and luckily Dino-girl’s sister called me into the kitchen to help her with something and after that I was more easily able to avoid him. I went and sat down on the other couch in the main room and Coz was sitting where I had been sitting. He put his leg up on my knees (by the way, earlier he said we could cuddle because we were cousins and that was okay, and I told him that believe it or not we weren’t in West Virginia and that’s a bit incestuous, if he wants to cuddle with me he can’t throw in the fact that in his mind we are cousins). Then Bachelor #2 comes over, Coz offers him a seat and Bachelor #2 says he has one and he climbs over the couches and sits on my lap. A bit awkward, not to mention uncomfortable, it was still warm in that room. After people laugh and one girl takes a picture Bachelor #2 leans in and kisses my forehead (apparently the forehead kiss is the kiss of 2008, it’s house I brought in the New Year if you recall). Again, didn’t know how to react, so I say, “Oh, well, thank you.” To which he laughs. Then Dino-girl comes in and says, “It’s time for you to go,” half joking, the kind of half joke that guys would think is a joke, but girls can pick up on the hidden truthfulness, especially girls who know that the one speaking likes the guy sitting on their lap. So I finally get him off my lap. I sit chatting with other people for a while. I finally decide to stand up because I’ve been sitting for so long. I start to walk into the dining room, here comes Bachelor #2, he takes me out! He comes right at me and pushing me over the back of the chair I’m standing next to. If you thought anything else about this evening had been awkward consider this the most awkward part. So I hurry to get back up and I look at Dino-girl and I say, “He did that!” I like Dino-girl, she’s going to be my roommate, I don’t want her to hate me before we move because Bachelor #2 is in a particularly flirtatious mood that evening.
He finally left and I stuck around for a while, somewhat hoping to patch things up with Dino-girl. Once I felt like we were hopefully okay I went home. We seemed okay on Sunday, and I didn’t say anything to Bachelor #2, not attempting to avoid him. I did walk by him once without saying anything but he was talking to one of the missionaries, so I went on to class. Then I saw him on Tuesday and we talked a bit, but I didn’t really know what to say. I’m hoping that things return to normal because I like Bachelor #2 and don’t want things to be different between us, just a little more subdued so as not to tick off my future roommate.
In the meantime Bachelor #1 keeps hugging me and crap…gross. We are in the same group for a movie project and he’s the male lead and they have a girl coming in for the part of female lead and she wasn’t there this past Monday and I’m the only girl in my group who shows up, so one of the other guys in the group asked why I couldn’t be the female lead, well I don’t know, aside from the basic fact that I don’t like to be on camera and my acting skills suck, oh and I don’t do repeats. I say, “I can’t do that.” And then Bachelor #1 comes up to me, puts his arm around me and says, “The leading lady and I get to kiss,” and I looked at the guy who asked why I couldn’t be the lead and I said, “I can’t do that.” To which every laughed. Then Bachelor #1 keeps saying, “We should go out again sometimes.” I mean you remember how these Bachelor names started right? A list of guys I would ask out so Mr. Collins wouldn’t be my last date before I died. Bachelor #1 was the first guy on the list…mostly because he bugged me but I thought, let’s give it a go. Guess what? Still bugs me. Not to mention he admitted that he’s made out with Ms. X, my dreaded nemesis from high school, that puts a damper on his prospect ability, even if nothing else stood in the way, like the fact that I don’t even like him to touch me, and he’s too much personality for me (that’s a nice way of saying he’s annoying, but unfortunately I had to explain that and there for already said he’s annoying). Anyway. I think that’s it, 3 pages in word perfect should be enough for you to not feel so bad about me not writing so often.